Unfaithful
So Sunday night in my funk over my Dad’s birthday, I stayed up waaaaay to late watching TV. One of the movies I stumbled across late night was Unfaithful, starting Richard Gere and Diane Lane.
If you haven’t seen this movie, it’s the story of Connie and Ed, a happily married couple who are living in the Suburbs of NYC with their 8-year-old son. After a chance encounter in the city, Connie falls into an affair with a handsome French man. Soon after, Ed senses that something is not right and he eventually hires a private investigator who uncovers Connie’s affair. Ed, who is clearly distraught, confronts the French man and ends up killing him. Connie senses something weird has happened and when the police show up to question her she knows Ed knows about her affair and she realizes he killed the French man. She covers for him and the start their life anew.
Now I’ve seen this movie a time or two in the past, I mean it came out in the early 2000s I believe. But I never quite saw it with the same perspective until now. Clearly, you know I had an affair. Despite the fact that I didn’t really “act” on the affair until after I told Duckie we had serious issues and I wasn’t in love with him, it still counts as an affair. I lived in the same house, and despite my rationalizations, we weren’t officially broken up. But I digress…
So as I watched this movie I was hit with overwhelming emotions. I so identified with Diane Lane’s character - Connie. How she suddenly found herself in the midst of an affair without even knowing how she got there, how the first few times she was with the other man (before they even had sex) how visibly moved and excited and scared and uncomfortable she was. How the first time they had sex she was entirely freaked out and literally trembling. How she got swept into the affair and became very selfish. How she thought she was doing such a good job concealing it when she actually wasn’t. How she got tangled up in her emotions and didn’t know which way was up anymore. Hell even how she was talking on the phone to the other man with her husband nearby, how she changed how she dressed, how she acted after their first illicit sexual experience. How she does crazy, risky stuff to find a few moments to spend time with her lover. How she goes out of her way to "bump" into him or check up on him. It's all pretty crazy and dramatic.
But at the same time, weirdly I totally identified with Richard Gere’s character – Ed. It broke my heart how you could see his faith shaken in himself as he suspected his wife’s infidelity, how it changed who he was when he eventually knew for sure she was having an affair, how it broke his heart to realize what was going on. It made me really, really sad. I know Duckie suspected I was leaving him because of an affair (which is not true in the least – the affair was a symptom of all that was wrong, not the cause) and I can’t imagine what must have gone on in his head and how he felt.
It is not my intention to EVER be unfaithful inside of a committed, monogamous relationship again. I know I will do my very best to never cross those boundaries. Dating a bunch of people at once is totally different. I have no expectations with them that we are committed to one another or exclusive. And I can promise you that when I do may any sort of exclusive commitment, I’m going to honor that. Even with crazy IT I know I liked him enough that I essentially cut off all contact with all the other boys and we weren’t even in a relationship.
Anyways, it was just very interesting to rewatch that movie having not joined the ranks of “adulterers.” I suggest you watch (or rewatch) it and let me know how it strikes you. I think it captures the essence of an affair and depicts the varying emotions very well.
Miranda
If you haven’t seen this movie, it’s the story of Connie and Ed, a happily married couple who are living in the Suburbs of NYC with their 8-year-old son. After a chance encounter in the city, Connie falls into an affair with a handsome French man. Soon after, Ed senses that something is not right and he eventually hires a private investigator who uncovers Connie’s affair. Ed, who is clearly distraught, confronts the French man and ends up killing him. Connie senses something weird has happened and when the police show up to question her she knows Ed knows about her affair and she realizes he killed the French man. She covers for him and the start their life anew.
Now I’ve seen this movie a time or two in the past, I mean it came out in the early 2000s I believe. But I never quite saw it with the same perspective until now. Clearly, you know I had an affair. Despite the fact that I didn’t really “act” on the affair until after I told Duckie we had serious issues and I wasn’t in love with him, it still counts as an affair. I lived in the same house, and despite my rationalizations, we weren’t officially broken up. But I digress…
So as I watched this movie I was hit with overwhelming emotions. I so identified with Diane Lane’s character - Connie. How she suddenly found herself in the midst of an affair without even knowing how she got there, how the first few times she was with the other man (before they even had sex) how visibly moved and excited and scared and uncomfortable she was. How the first time they had sex she was entirely freaked out and literally trembling. How she got swept into the affair and became very selfish. How she thought she was doing such a good job concealing it when she actually wasn’t. How she got tangled up in her emotions and didn’t know which way was up anymore. Hell even how she was talking on the phone to the other man with her husband nearby, how she changed how she dressed, how she acted after their first illicit sexual experience. How she does crazy, risky stuff to find a few moments to spend time with her lover. How she goes out of her way to "bump" into him or check up on him. It's all pretty crazy and dramatic.
But at the same time, weirdly I totally identified with Richard Gere’s character – Ed. It broke my heart how you could see his faith shaken in himself as he suspected his wife’s infidelity, how it changed who he was when he eventually knew for sure she was having an affair, how it broke his heart to realize what was going on. It made me really, really sad. I know Duckie suspected I was leaving him because of an affair (which is not true in the least – the affair was a symptom of all that was wrong, not the cause) and I can’t imagine what must have gone on in his head and how he felt.
It is not my intention to EVER be unfaithful inside of a committed, monogamous relationship again. I know I will do my very best to never cross those boundaries. Dating a bunch of people at once is totally different. I have no expectations with them that we are committed to one another or exclusive. And I can promise you that when I do may any sort of exclusive commitment, I’m going to honor that. Even with crazy IT I know I liked him enough that I essentially cut off all contact with all the other boys and we weren’t even in a relationship.
Anyways, it was just very interesting to rewatch that movie having not joined the ranks of “adulterers.” I suggest you watch (or rewatch) it and let me know how it strikes you. I think it captures the essence of an affair and depicts the varying emotions very well.
Miranda
It's been coming on one of the premium channels a lot lately, but I can't bring myself to watch it. My proximity to the subject matter is just too much, and I have to change the channel.
ReplyDelete