Broken and Battered Boys Apply Here - Now Serving Number 4021

OMG today has been a freaking roller coaster ride with IT!  I’m about over him no matter how wealthy he freaking is!  It all started with yesterday when he wanted me to come over for a little pre-lunch booty call.  Under most circumstances I’d have jumped all on that but I had already given him 5 nights in a row and felt like I was way over that “too available” line.  So I told him I couldn’t that I had a meeting with our CEO. Sounds good and important right?

Well as the afternoon progressed I could tell he was pouting a little that I’d said no to him but whatever.  We texted off and on and things seemed to get a little better.  So this morning starts and I had offered to come see him this morning because I was flying out to a conference for the next few days and I had some free time.  Well he started back in with a little attitude about “having been in a better mood for that” yesterday and how he had to go in to the office.  So I told him that was fine and maybe we could get together when I got back.  Next thing I know he’s spun off on this rant about how he figured I’d have offered to get a sitter and come see him last night since the daytime rendezvous didn’t work out.  I told him I had the kids and then had a softball meeting and didn’t even get home until 8 pm.  There wasn’t much back he could say about that.

So then I told him that I felt conflicted about what we were doing, that maybe we weren’t both clear on the expectations of starting “casual.”  That spun off in a whole different rant where basically he said again he wanted to be “casual” but at the same time he talks about us like we’re moving towards being a couple but wait, he wants to stay casual.  He’s a stage 5 clinger and he doesn’t even know it! 

After many, many texts and a couple long rambling voicemails we settled things back down.  I hopped on my first flight and next thing I know he’s toying with the idea of coming up here to where my conference is!  Now earlier in the week we’d talked about him doing just that but we’d tabled the discussion mostly because I’m not anywhere exciting and it just didn’t make a lot of sense for him to come.  So after we texted about that again for a while, then he throws out the offer of us going on a cruise together in a couple weeks!  And the kicker is he wants to either leave this Monday (yes just in three days) or the next!

I was excited by the idea so I told him I could most likely do either week (only to later remember that this Monday is my Dad’s birthday so I need to stay in town just in case my Mom needs me).  I also didn’t want him to assume that I assumed he was footing the whole bill so I said something about keeping the cost reasonable since I work in nonprofit and pay alimony.  He did some research and found some good deals and texted me about them.  Then I had to get back on the plane and turn my phone off.

I arrive at my destination a couple hours later to find about 5 texts about said vacation and a long rambling voicemail about how the week of the 14^th works best for him and that he had emailed me some options.  I texted him and said the 14^th sounded good.  He asked if I’d do some research on airfare and get up with him tonight about it.  All good.  So I get to my hotel and do a couple things I needed to do and get around to checking airfare. Found some good deals, started looking at other cruises, went to the gym, etc.  He told me he was busy until about 8 so I didn’t think I needed to fill him in on my research right away. 

About 9:30 I get this text from him asking why I haven’t shared what I found out yet and how following through with your commitments and doing what you say you’ll do is very important to him.  WTF?  Here goes the roller coaster again!  So we start texting and finally talking via phone.  I told him I’d done the research I just hadn’t sent it to him and that the cruise he originally wanted to do was more expensive than he’d thought and too expensive for me.  He said he had planned to pay for my airfare and all my expenses once I was there so did that make a difference. I said yes it did and I just needed to check about childcare.  Then he went off on this whole rant about how I was being difficult and he was trying to do something nice for me and I shouldn’t have said I could go both weeks, etc, etc, etc. 

My head was spinning at this point and my inner bitch was about to flame up so I did my best to hold my tongue and finally we got off the phone with everything left very up in the air.  Then I got yet another rambling voicemail from him basically restating that I was difficult and we’d already had so many communication issues in the last week it was ridiculous.  Blah, blah, blah.  After holding my breath for oh 20 minutes or so and wishing to death I had something, anything to calm me down I called him back and left a very nice voicemail saying I was utterly confused by all this and I don’t understand what’s going on.  I also sent him the same via text and am currently waiting to hear back from him.  Who knows if I will?

I think IT is used to a girl dropping everything and running to him and being totally submissive.  I can play that role to a point and I will happily play that role but hell, I’ve got a career (even if I don’t want it) and kids.  My life is not that of the young little single girl who can make her world revolve around one man. If he wants to slap a ring on my finger and pay my bills I can do that for him but not until then.  I know he’s gotten burned dating divorced women before but come on. He’s 36, it’s not like there are that many women out there his age that haven’t been married.  And I’m sure it does suck to date a woman with kids because you never really can be first because of those kids.  Still!  I’ve never had anyone misread so many of my texts ever!  And it’s like every time I try to be the least bit sarcastic or a smartass it backfires!  How can I not be sarcastic or a smartass?  It’s ingrained in my DNA!

It’s been such a freaking roller coaster ride of pushing me away, pulling me close I’m about sick of it. I don’t know that any guy is worth this. 

Why do I always have to find the fixer uppers?  Why do I seem to attract the boys with the biggest emotional baggage?  IT has told me all about his issues and baggage so I’m well aware of it but it’s like I can’t win for trying with him!  Sheesh!

Miranda

PS – Just got a text in response that he may go on the cruise leaving this Monday after all and that I’m acting like all this is his fault.  Then the conversation digressed into him being exhausted from always being the “rock” for other people to lean on and how he needs someone he can count on no matter what.  I tried to answer that with sage wisdom and advice but I feel like I’m not getting anywhere!  He clearly has some trust issues which greatly remind me of the last guy I really liked – FJB.  I mean really people! I can’t win here!