Ebony and Ivory
Miranda and I were talking yesterday about her upcoming date with High School Crush (sorry to spill the beans before you Miranda!) and she was asking me about the bar where he suggested they meet. It's a small, old fashioned bar with lots of good beer and tasty bar grub. It also happens to be located in the middle of a local university campus.
After I told Miranda about the place, I then blessed it as an appropriate place for an interracial date - - High School Crush is ebony and Miranda is ivory. Now why might I offer this additional nugget of information? I mean it's 2010, racism is gone right? We should be able to go to any place and expect to be treated fairly no matter our skin color or that of our partners?
I can tell you without a doubt that not only is racism alive and well in the South it's outright brazen. And it's not only the white people, not even close.
I'm an equal opportunity dater with a slight preference for black guys so I've been on plenty of interracial dates in my day. And for those of you who don't know, if there is one thing that makes black girls of every age go crazy it's seeing a white girl with a black guy. This particular arrangement also seems to rub most old white people the wrong way. I mean my grandmother (who is from Birmingham AL) has said the following statement to me verbatim on more than one occasion, "Please don't get a black boyfriend." I remember in high school when my best friend, who comes from an Orthodox Jewish family, started dating a black basketball player. She was the first of my friends to cross the racial barrier and it was the talk of the town for quite awhile. Not surprisingly, the relationship was short lived. I can't count the number of times I went out with The Ex (half black/half indian) and got dirty looks and snide comments. Most recently, we met at a chain restaurant near my house. He was already waiting for me at the bar and when I walked up to him an older black lady sitting nearby said very loudly, "Oh I just hate to see that!" I looked over at her to make sure she knew I heard her little comment and wasn't intimidated by her and what do I see - this lady is with a WHITE man!!!!! When I tell my mom about guys I'm dating one of her first questions is always "Is he white or black?"
I always hesitate bringing black guys around certain friends and family members because I know I'll be judged and comments will be made - when I went to see my dad's parents over the holidays one of my uncles used the 'n' word at the freaking dinner table!! I've introduced my mom to a couple of black guys I've dated and she was o.k. with it but I could tell she wasn't too pleased. Honestly, I think her problem is mainly that she doesn't want to deal with my grandmother's reaction. I don't think it's that she really cares too much, although I do know that she worries about what her more conservative friends would think.
I guess my generation is sort of stuck in the middle on this issue. My grandparents' generation grew up in a totally different time and I understand that. I don't approve of their racism by any means but that doesn't mean I don't understand how those attitudes were formed. My parents' generation were hippies who were supposed to be all peace/love/equality but they were raised by prejudiced parents so some of those attitudes still persist. Then there is my generation. Growing up I never cared about race. I'm not saying I didn't notice differences but the differences just never bothered me. It was a non-issue. I look at my 13-year old cousin and her group of friends is literally like a United Colors of Beneton ad. It gives me hope!
I always fantasize that the things I've had to deal with here in terms of dating outside of my race are things that wouldn't happen to me if I lived in NYC or LA or even DC. But, sadly, I don't think that's true. I'm curious to hear your thoughts about interracial dating in this day and age. Would you be comfortable dating outside your race? Why not? Has anyone else experienced racism in person? Is this just a Southern phenomenon? But, remember, if you don't have anything nice to say in the comments section then don't say anything at all. I don't want to have to open a can of whoop ass on anybody today.
-Gwyn
After I told Miranda about the place, I then blessed it as an appropriate place for an interracial date - - High School Crush is ebony and Miranda is ivory. Now why might I offer this additional nugget of information? I mean it's 2010, racism is gone right? We should be able to go to any place and expect to be treated fairly no matter our skin color or that of our partners?
I can tell you without a doubt that not only is racism alive and well in the South it's outright brazen. And it's not only the white people, not even close.
I'm an equal opportunity dater with a slight preference for black guys so I've been on plenty of interracial dates in my day. And for those of you who don't know, if there is one thing that makes black girls of every age go crazy it's seeing a white girl with a black guy. This particular arrangement also seems to rub most old white people the wrong way. I mean my grandmother (who is from Birmingham AL) has said the following statement to me verbatim on more than one occasion, "Please don't get a black boyfriend." I remember in high school when my best friend, who comes from an Orthodox Jewish family, started dating a black basketball player. She was the first of my friends to cross the racial barrier and it was the talk of the town for quite awhile. Not surprisingly, the relationship was short lived. I can't count the number of times I went out with The Ex (half black/half indian) and got dirty looks and snide comments. Most recently, we met at a chain restaurant near my house. He was already waiting for me at the bar and when I walked up to him an older black lady sitting nearby said very loudly, "Oh I just hate to see that!" I looked over at her to make sure she knew I heard her little comment and wasn't intimidated by her and what do I see - this lady is with a WHITE man!!!!! When I tell my mom about guys I'm dating one of her first questions is always "Is he white or black?"
I always hesitate bringing black guys around certain friends and family members because I know I'll be judged and comments will be made - when I went to see my dad's parents over the holidays one of my uncles used the 'n' word at the freaking dinner table!! I've introduced my mom to a couple of black guys I've dated and she was o.k. with it but I could tell she wasn't too pleased. Honestly, I think her problem is mainly that she doesn't want to deal with my grandmother's reaction. I don't think it's that she really cares too much, although I do know that she worries about what her more conservative friends would think.
I guess my generation is sort of stuck in the middle on this issue. My grandparents' generation grew up in a totally different time and I understand that. I don't approve of their racism by any means but that doesn't mean I don't understand how those attitudes were formed. My parents' generation were hippies who were supposed to be all peace/love/equality but they were raised by prejudiced parents so some of those attitudes still persist. Then there is my generation. Growing up I never cared about race. I'm not saying I didn't notice differences but the differences just never bothered me. It was a non-issue. I look at my 13-year old cousin and her group of friends is literally like a United Colors of Beneton ad. It gives me hope!
I always fantasize that the things I've had to deal with here in terms of dating outside of my race are things that wouldn't happen to me if I lived in NYC or LA or even DC. But, sadly, I don't think that's true. I'm curious to hear your thoughts about interracial dating in this day and age. Would you be comfortable dating outside your race? Why not? Has anyone else experienced racism in person? Is this just a Southern phenomenon? But, remember, if you don't have anything nice to say in the comments section then don't say anything at all. I don't want to have to open a can of whoop ass on anybody today.
-Gwyn
Awesome post and very well said! As for my interracial experiences, I have kissed some random black guys here and there but only really dated one. He was about the whitest black guy you could find. Dude wrote poetry, bought me stuffed animals, owned and wore a cowboy hat and boots on occassion. But he always insisted on playing Luther Vandross when we had sex. LMFAO! This was one summer when I was home from college. I think he was like 26 and I was 20. We didn't go out in public a whole lot but I definitely saw heads turn and heard comments made, especially by older white people. It made me pretty uncomfortable. It's so weird because I'm not going to lie, I notice race, but I so don't understand why people get all up in arms about mixed couples. Who cares what color your skin is!
ReplyDeleteThat being said, I'm getting very excited about going out with High School Crush, especially after you gave our date venue the interracial dating seal of approval. LOL!
Miranda
I hate that racism still happens down here like that but it is true. Obviously being happily married I am out of the dating pool but I will say that if I weren't I would probably be going after asian guys. Especially Indian guys cause alot of them are pretty hot in those Bollywood films! LOL
ReplyDeleteI think what it boiled down to for me though is my interests. I am an anglophile and I ended up marrying an Englishman. He's white (actually very Jewish looking though) but if he had been any other colour I still would have been head over heels for him because of his personality and his knowledge and interests. So you go girl- if it clicks, hit it :)
Living in CA, I've been pretty fortunate in comparison. My mom is a pacific islander while my dad is white (they met overseas when he was in the Navy), so I grew up in a pretty balanced home. But my dad told me he disowned HIS mom for years because she was so racist towards my mom, and implied my little brother wasn't his because he "didn't look like he had a drop of white blood in him." He refused to move back to South Carolina (where he was born), because he didn't want to expose us to all that.
ReplyDeleteI still run into the random couple who tell me they're only interested in white men, but that's as bad as it gets. A few months back I had a coworker grumbling about all the interracial marriage in the world, and how one day there was going to be no white people left. I tried to ignore her, but then she ASKS ME MY OPINION.
"It's working out pretty well for me and Lena" I reminded her.
And then she turned ghost white, because, Oh yeah! Just because Ethan's not black doesn't mean he's white!
Ha, this reminds me of a quote from Bullworth about the solution to racism:
ReplyDelete"All we need is a voluntary, free-spirited, open-ended program of procreative racial deconstruction. Everybody just gotta keep fuckin' everybody 'til they're all the same color."