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Tuesday, August 31, 2010

Hello Universe...What Are You Doing?

WTF is up?? Just when I thought things were being laid out quickly and clearly, I didn't wait long enough for the rest to unfold. Clark started texting me around 10:30pm last night and was telling me how much he misses me and that he'll figure out a way around all of this. We were still texting at 11:30 when Gavin called from a bar around the corner asking if he could come over. He said he just wanted to hang out...yeah, right. So I quit texting Clark, but decided to not do anything to myself since I was already in bed with my hair up in a ponytail and everything. Gavin gets here and walks into my room and takes what I'm reading and lays it down. He said he was hungry and asked if I would feed him. Then he says "This isn't a booty call. I just wanted to come hang out with you." I laughed at him, uncovered myself, and he watched me get my naked body out of the bed to go fix him a sandwich. He changed his mind about his intentions. He ended up giving me some great sex. I love that he can cum more than once and that he does it with relative ease. Men that can keep going after cumming are a huge turn on for me! It was really late at this point but we went outside and hung on the porch for a little while. I wonder if things will cool down again soon. He's pulling me in right now pretty hard, but we still keep it as friends. We don't discuss feelings or anything...well, I don't anyway. He's told me how much he likes me and wishes he were available, but then won't do anything to make himself that way.  Then in the next breath, he tells me that he loves her and then he tells me that she's old and washed up. I swear he's all over the place with this. Mindfucking...but whatever I take it in stride these days.

When he left I resumed texting with Clark and told him I'd just fallen asleep. I'm a bad, I know. So we kept talking for a while and he kept telling me things like how much he wants to just be with me. It finally ended with him basically back peddling on the whole not being monogamous thing. He said it drives him crazy that I'm seeing other guys and he wants me to just be with him and that he'll do the same (when he leaves her...of course he wants me to start now). I told him that's not very fair of him to ask and we kind of left it like that. I want to be with him, but I also have no intentions of just hanging around waiting for him either. I like that it's forcing us to talk more though before jumping into something. I think ultimately it will give us a better sense of who we are and if we're going to be able to make this work. I don't know about the monogamy thing though...that seems to be a wild card on both of our ends. I can honestly say that if I had open, easy access to his cock, I probably would be faithful. It's really, really good with him.

Owen emailed me last night in the midst of all of this too to see what I was doing this morning. I told him I hoped him, but he sent me a follow up email this morning saying the wife was around and he didn't think he could get away. Oddly, I'm not disappointed. It could be because then I won't feel guilty about fucking him behind Clark's back or it could be that I'm still good from the sex with Gavin. Although sex with Owen still tops it all...he's simply the best of the three.
-Jules

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