Friday, August 27, 2010

Girl Interrupted

So coming down from my FJB high of Thursday today is apparently freaked out Friday. I find myself riddled with insecurity and self-doubt. I don’t like this “caring what a boy feels about me” thing. I don’t like feeling insecure, unsure, and second-guessing what I say and do. WTF! I mean I am far from perfect but I know I’m a “catch” so to speak. I know I’m completely date-worthy. I am independent, don’t need a man to support me, take care of my self, funny, intelligent, and reasonably attractive. So why am I racked with insecurity?

I’m playing it cool with FJB. I mean he knows I like him but I’m not chasing him or making myself overly available. I think a big part of the problem is I’m so used to stage 5 clingers that not having someone all over me (figuratively speaking) feels like unfamiliar territory. Interestingly I’m being fairly “monogamous” because I’ve hardly texted or talked to any other boys and especially not in a flirty way.

I actually declined going back to FJB’s house last night, which felt like the right thing to do, but it still was hard to turn him down. He took it in great stride though. We’re supposed to hang out this weekend so we will see if things are still as good as they were on Wednesday.

I actually almost enjoyed being alone last night LOL! I was talking to Gwyn a couple weeks ago about my issues with being “alone.” You know from my blog posts if I spend a kid free night, especially a kid free night alone, it drives me crazy. Now when I was with Duckie I relished every bit of alone time I could get. My 30-45 minute commute was lovely, staying downstairs after everyone went to bed was de rigueur, and escaping the house to run errands by myself was a gift. Now, not so much. Maybe because I didn’t have a choice about being alone before it seemed like such a gift and now I don’t know how to be “alone.” Maybe I’m just addicted to going out. I’m digressing from my original topic though…

Gwyn’s advice on treating FJB like her is actually quite valuable but I have a question. How can I treat FJB like Gwyn and act like Gwyn myself at the same time? I’m stretching my imagination skills LOL.

This putting myself out there is much harder than I thought. Why is it I can “fake” a relationship with a guy I don’t really like so easily but then when I actually like someone, I get plagued by self-doubt. Sometimes it really sucks to be a girl…


1 comment:

  1. My vote is to just go with the flow and see where it leads. You seem to really like this one! I think you're making a good call.