Dating After 40: Do Any of Us Really Know What We Are Doing?

I’ve been a bad girl. Let me rephrase that, I’m back to my old self. I’ve let all my anger and frustration with The Barber go for now (I mean there’s only so much I can do when he won’t communicate with me at all) and have been talking to Romeo a lot more lately. Here’s the brief background on Romeo:  We dated for 6 months when we were about 22, during a break with The Ex , but I found out he had a serious girlfriend living in a town about an hour and a half away. That was a long a dramatic event, the whole finding out about the girlfriend part, but I didn’t really care that much because he was my rebound guy. It was actually sort of funny to me at the time – not so much for his girlfriend though. She was crazy, but I gave her a quick attitude adjustment when I not only described her boyfriend’s man parts in great detail but also did a really good impression of his, excuse my French, cum face. Hahahahahaha she had no idea who she was messing with……I had no idea she existed so gu...

Girlfriend:   I am blown away by your love for me and my love for you. I catch myself being carried away by thoughts of you and your smile that comforts my heart.  I feel so at ease with you and so protected in your arms like no other before. Of course I am scared of the unknown and being hurt, however I am here to tell you I am completely “letting go” with you. You are worth the risk. I don’t expect you to be perfect or without flaws. I just expect your honesty and your love and you will get the same from me. I am not perfect by no means and have many flaws, however something I can promise you is I will love you like no other and give you my all.   I love you! Duckie: AWWW!!!  Thank you!!   These feelings are completely mutual!  I want you to let go and trust that I will not hurt you!!!  You are a true blessing in my life, and my kids lives too, and want you to travel this road with me.  Where it leads, time will tell, but I can promise you ...

Which ONE do you wish you had more of in bed… romance, experimentation or foreplay? Wow - I don't know...I guess a healthy combo of all of the above, but honestly I'm pretty damn satisfied sexually right now. - Jules Experimentation I guess....but like Jules I'm pretty satisfied with the sex I'm having. I can say that I definitely don't need more romance, you know all that nice stuff makes me gag. - Gwyn I'd say romance but that's cause I'm all focused, well attempting to foucus, on finding the fairy tale right now - Miranda Are you capable of engaging in a "friends with benefits" relationship? Have you ever done so? YES! It's actually about all I'm capable of at the moment. Gavin and I are rocking the FWB thing. I guess Owen and I qualify as this too. I've done it lots and it worked for me when I was married and it's still working for my commitment phobic self now. - Jules I prefer friends with benefits about 90% of the ti...

Mourning the loss of a relationship is normal I suppose…it’s just not something I tend to spend a lot of time on…ever.   I did it some with the split from Russell, but since he’s part of my everyday life still…it’s different. I’m sure I will experience it more so when we finally move apart.   Today, I’ve caught myself mourning the Clark time. Ok, let me rephrase…the good Clark time before he became mentally and verbally abusive. I honestly thought that relationship was going to go somewhere and that we were both finally at a place to make it happen. I thought that the universe reconnected us to make that happen. Clearly, I was wrong. No worries my dear readers, while I’m sad…I’m NOT stupid. I’m NOT going to contact him or anything. I realize now that he has major issues that he has to deal with himself and people do not change until they are ready to do so for themselves.   Life is short so I don’t give people 3 rd chances. I know it’s really and truly over t...

About a week ago I was on Craigslist looking at jobs and came across an ad looking for a girl willing to engage in some foot fetish activities and/or take foot pictures. I immediately thought of Miranda since she is always getting compliments on her feet and has dated several guys who seem to fall somewhere on the foot fetish spectrum. After emailing back and forth with the guy for a week or so, she agreed that she would let him take some pictures of her feet for a fee. Throughout the negotiation process I helped Miranda set the ground rules for this meeting – I mean the guy looks and seems innocent enough but you can never be too careful. We told the guy (a) the meeting must take place in a public place like a park or at least at a hotel where there are other people around (b) Miranda must be allowed to bring someone with her and (c) only pictures will be taken, no foot fetish activities. He agreed to all the rules and even offered up his DL number, full name and contact information...

Well, this ended up being a totally chill weekend with a fun twist at the end. Gavin called me yesterday morning to apologize for missing dinner. He asked what I was doing and told him I had a big kid day planned with Chloe. I told him it was fine that he missed dinner, no big deal. I think he probably did get a little scared b/c I have made such a big deal out of guys meeting Chloe and he knows this about me, but here's where it's different with him. I joke about being his 2nd gf and him being my new p/t bf, but I don't know what are are. I do know that we are really becoming good friends that fuck at this stage of the game, so it's not the big deal it would normally be for me if we were actually dating. Anyway, I had an awesome day with my little girl yesterday and her Girl Scout troop (yes, I was the leader...pick up your jaw). We did a big cookout and ended up being out until 11pm. Gavin called me right as we were getting home, but I was all talked out and exhausted...

I have to say, between Gwyn’s communication challenge and my new mantra, “he’s just not that into you,” I’m feeling quite bold and empowered these days.   Even with my kid free week, I’m not feeling compelled to fill every minute with boys.   That’s not to say I’ve been sitting at home, hell I’ve been out almost every night, but my time out and about has been filled with friends and incidentally I’ve been having a freaking blast. Thursday night was the work concert/out with work friends/sugar daddy incident.   Friday night I went out to a country bar with some of my girlfriends.   We had a FREAKING hilarious time.   We danced our asses off and drank our faces off.   While we were out I ran into the Pool John crowd where I immediately became best friends (as only drunk girls can do) with one of the girls in his crowd and danced like a crazy fool with a couple of his guy friends.   I even was renamed Princess Sasha because apparently ever girl needs...

Gavin has always called me his porn star, like from Day 1. I ‘m not bragging, but I’m pretty good at these activities. He’s apparently discovered the world of CL and a few weeks ago suggested that we post an ad on there to perform in front of others (for a donation of course). His rationale was that 1. We’re having sex anyway. 2. We could get paid. and 3. Be watched. I was ok with this, but then started thinking about being in other people’s houses on their beds and it kind of freaked me out. Plus, we initially were talking about looking at men (because let’s face it women aren’t paying for porn – live or otherwise) and the men that responded to the one ad I did post were all into doing a lot more than watching. Gavin said he wasn’t cool with that one night (in an actual moment of honesty), but then later shrugged it off and said well if you want to do it, it would be more cock for you.  Then he decided that if we did it, it should be couples only.  By the way, h...

I came across this cartoon and thought you all might enjoy! I think this captures it pretty perfectly... -Gwyn 

So a few months ago, I stumbled upon the movie “He’s Just Not That Into You” on TV and I was quite intrigued by it. It was a pretty accurate portrayal of your average girl’s behavior and really made me want to hunt down the book to see how it compared. I quickly forgot about finding the book as life got busy with all my power dating but last weekend I managed to get my hands on a used copy of the book. It’s a very short, quick read and it’s pretty freaking awesome. It’s kind of presented as a Q&A with questions from women with the book’s authors answering the questions. Now I’m far from a “self-help” book about men's behavior kind of girl, but this book is like your conscious speaking directly to you. None of what’s covered is earth-shaking or new territory but it pretty much says what you’ve been trying to avoid thinking. Basically, the book says we, women, make up a lot of bullshit excuses for men’s behavior because we just don’t want to believe they don’t love us. We say...

So this weeklong challenge of not initiating contact with boys has been quite interesting. It has given me a lot of time to do some thinking about what I want and what I’ve been getting. Coupled with the fact that I stumbled upon an actual hard copy of the book, “He’s Just Not that Into You” which has provided peals of laughter and some slaps in the face, I think perhaps I’ve been barking up the wrong proverbial trees. So since we started this challenge, I’ve been pretty good. Other than 1-2 random drunken texts, I haven’t initiated ANYTHING. I know, pretty impressive for ole’ Miranda. Who have I heard from this week? Wooderson and Tiny Baby Head just a couple times, but mostly from Hot Chocolate, Twin, and College Crush. Now Hot Chocolate called me out one day via phone and asked me how I was feeling about him. The trust is pretty freaking ambivalent. I think more than anything I’m realizing he was my rebound guy from FJB. He is a very nice guy and he’s very attractive but honestl...

Well today is finally the day I stood up and gave Clark the full on "fuck you". It started with him texting and IMing me and it went in between the 'I love you' to the 'You're a whore' kind of range. Yesterday he texted me on and off ALL day. I ignored and ignored. Today I was not as strong and during one of the nice periods of his psychoses, I made the fatal error of responding. I'm weak and I'll admit I fucked up. So in an effort to never fuck up again or to have him look through his phone records in another year and find me again, I changed my number. I headed to my favorite beach, my place of Zen where I wrote my MSW personal statement and where I asked for a divorce, and I called my carrier and switched my number right then and there. For some reason, that beach really is my power source. It was the MOST liberating thing I've done since asking for a divorce. ;) I immediately texted my Dad my new number because he's not on FB yet and ...

1. Name one thing that turns you on with unprecedented success. When guy kisses my neck...o-m-g.  - Jules Back rubs....works every time. - Gwyn Playing with my hair - OMG practically makes me purr- Miranda 2. Quick! Look around you and name 3 ordinary items that could be used sexually. Well, I'm sitting on my bed with a box of toys in reach, but I won't count those. My cell phone because it vibrates, a water bottles (lid on!), and lotion. - Jules Chair, cell phone, stress balls. Ok, sorry but I’m in my office so the pickins are sort of slim. My thought process is have sex in the chair, video it on the cell phone and if you’re into it I’m sure the stress ball can fit in tight spaces. - Gwyn  HAHAHA - Yall kill me!  In in my office so I'd say pens (fun to doodle with), mini-clothes pins (umm tiny s&m items), and post it notes (i could make some sexy post it lingerie). - Miranda 3. Do you consider sex good even if you don't orgasm? I'm pretty sure I've ne...

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Yesterday was just one of those days. I did some hard core soul searching and decided that I would rather be in a FWB relationship with Gavin, who makes me feel good about myself and makes me laugh a lot, than to be in a relationship with someone like Clark. It was Day 2 of no contact with Clark and I’m officially done. Now I know a lot of you are saying "yeah, right", but it’s over this time. My Daddy often compares my hard core nature to that of my Grandfather’s. When I’ve reached a point with people that I’m ready to cut them out of my life, I do it and I never look back. His eloquent saying about it is this: "If you passed someone you hated on fire on the side of the road, you wouldn’t even pull over to piss them out.". I’m to that point with Clark. I really am. You can stick a fork in it, because it’s done now. He texted me this morning and I basically told him to fuck off. He claimed I was being jealous and I should go see Owen and get over ...

So yesterday was mine and Duckie’s 11 th wedding anniversary and I didn’t even remember it until about mid-afternoon.  I had thought about it earlier in the week and I was glad that Duckie has a girlfriend to keep him entertained.  I debated on calling him or sending him a text saying something about it but what the hell was I supposed to say really?  I mean “Happy Anniversary” certainly wasn’t the right sentiment.  Ultimately I just let it slide and didn’t acknowledge it in any way with him. Earlier in the week I finally busted him for his girlfriend (who lives in the same apartment building as me).  I felt like I had to address it because Ladybug told me that daddy and the girlfriend had taken her to the park last weekend.  So I called him up and said we needed to talk about a few things.  I just threw it right out there that I knew he was dating my neighbor and he owned up to it. He said it entirely freaked him out when she told him where sh...

I started to add this as a PS to my last post but it was so long and not relevant, I decided to make it it's own. I had a really funny, but later weird night last night. We have a friend, Bob, that Russell and I had a threeway with in January. I think I've mentioned him before, but I was too lazy to reference back to see if he has another name already. It was seriously some of the worst sex of my life, bless his 21 year old heart. I mean it was bad. It was also right before I told Russell I wanted a divorce, so it could have just been my overall demeanor. Anyway, Bob has stayed around us like a stray puppy. He's military and he leaves the barracks every weekend to spend the weekend at our house. He is Russell's bromance, now I swear more goes on because he sleeps with Russell on Russell's full sized futon every night he's here but Russell swears up one side and down the other that nothing is going on. Russell has a huge crush on him and I think if he w...

After some post sex texting last night, I have not heard one word from Clark today. Nothing...nada...zip...zilch. You can say 'I told you so' now if you want. I don't care. Here's my working theory...he did in fact have a date tonight with the slave girl (though several things he said this week made me question the validity of this) and felt guilty and thus no contact. It's just a theory...maybe yesterday was a goodbye fuck for us both...time will tell. Honestly, I think I have these ridiculous feelings for him but I suspect next month really will prove to be out of sight, out of mind for me. Time will reveal all things. On that note, you guys know the Zen Jules approach to life? I totally feel everything happens and unfolds in a manner that the universe seems fit. Here's my day with Gavin. 9am - He calls to see if I want to go to have breakfast with him. I decline and tell him that I've got to go vote (something he does not do...sigh) and then I have a ...

Ok, I can't blame the men anymore...I'm stupid and weak. I actually started to just skip this post because I'm not proud of my actions today. Clark has been wearing at me for days now. I mean seriously like challenging me and bringing me down. It's not been a good week for my psyche at all and I told him today he was being mentally and verbally abusive. This seemed to provide new perspective to him.  Finally this morning when I told him we needed to rip the fucking band-aid off and be done, he flipped back. After a very looooong day of texting (yet again) where he apologized profusely and I'm stupid enough to believe him, I went by and fucked the shit (NO pun intended this time) out of that boy on the way home from work. (Ok, maybe it was the other way around as I was the one on the floor in downward facing dog getting it in every hole.) Clearly I'm fucked in the head by this man. I'm not sure where things are going, but he professed his love for me multipl...

So last night was another bar-tending gig at a work concert and what started out innocently enough turned in a seriously “what the hell” kind of night. So the concert was fun and good and whatever.   Typical flirting with H3 , fending off the advances of the old guys, and then I totally got cornered by a fatty who asked for my number!   Thankfully it was during a beer rush so I could just smile and move on.   Later he did come back and ask again and when he didn’t succeed in getting the number, he said he’ll see me the next two weeks and he’ll get it before the end.   Come on fat boy. You can try but you will fail! Next up came this guy who is actually really cute; he looks just like Joseph Gordon Levitt, except for the fact that he’s got a long dyed blond rat tail!   Eeeek! Haven’t seen one of those in years. Anyways, he was talking and being friendly just hanging out with his girlfriend.   Then he asked what school I went to.   I laughed and sai...

1. I see hawks every day and call people to tell them about it. They’re never as excited as I am. 2. I really don’t have a ‘favorite’ anything. No favorite actor, no favorite food, no favorite color, no favorite musician, no favorite tv show….ok you get the point. 3. My closet is organized by color and if it’s not it makes me anxious. 4. I was voted “Best Sense of Humor” in high school my senior year. 5. I almost cried last week when I had to kill a wasp that kept building nests on the front of my house. I thought about his poor squished body for days. 6. I am terrified of snakes. I never lived in a first floor apartment because I figured the snakes couldn’t climb the stairs to get to me. Yes, I spent time thinking about that before I chose apartments. And, in this case ignorance is bliss so if snakes CAN climb stairs no one better dare tell me that in a comment. I. Will. Have. A. Panic. Attack. For. Real. 7. I may have the worst road rage of anyone on the planet. 8. I ab...

Let me assure that this is going to be a wayyy TMI post. If you are not interested in hearing about nasty sex, you might want to skip it. It's going to get graphic, so consider yourself warned. Several of you have asked what Clark's sexual stuff is since I've only alluded to it. Here it is...full on. When I first started seeing him last year, he mentioned scat to me several times. If you are blissfully unaware of wtf I'm talking about, I mean shit play. I declined and finally got so freaking sick of saying "No"  and he was so pissed that I kept saying it that we ended things. Now, I'm not talking about he just didn't mind if his dick got a little messy while we were having anal...I mean he wanted us to shit on each other. He wanted me to rub it on his dick. He even went so far as to asking me if I would ever consider sucking him off while he had shit on his dick. Now admittedly when I have anal sex with other men, I prepare. If you're wondering...

I woke up this morning at 6:15am to Clark texting me. It seems he wanted to continue our discussion from yesterday and we did for another 7 1/2 hours via text until my phone died. I told Miranda that mere nanoseconds before I was to the point of telling him where to go and what to do with himself once he got there, he told me he loves me. Of course, I’m taking this with a grain of salt. She said love is a 4 letter word…lol. In the midst of our conversation, he tells me that he’s going out with someone on Saturday. Now if I were a normal person this would have really set me off, but since I’m still seeing Owen and Gavin I was like “ok, whatever…”. This prompted a big long conversation about me not seeming to want him enough that I’m not jealous and don’t want to “fight to win” him. I really laid it out at this point and told him that if he decides he wants a healthy, loving, nurturing relationship in which what I have to offer him is enough (b/c we are having some major fights over h...

So anyone who read my answers to yesterday's TMI questions should be able to tell that I'm a bit of a sourpuss lately. Yes, my hormones are playing a role but so are all the stupid boys (yes, boys not men) in my life. Frankly, I'm getting really tired of spending so much time thinking, writing, dreaming about them and even fucking them. So....I've decided to take on another little experiment of sorts and Miranda has agreed to join me. Starting today, September 15th, we will not initiate contact with any members of our man teams or with any prospective members of our man teams. Under no circumstance will we contact these boys unless we are contacted first and, even then, only if a response is 'required'. Below are a couple of examples of how these rules work, in case any of our female followers are interested in joining the experiment. The following types of texts are not to be responded to under any circumstances: "Hey baby. Just thinking about you. H...

Ok, not ALL men, but most of them are total idiots. I stand by my theory that men are all idiots until their 30th birthday. Something happens to men on this blessed day that makes them smart and thus able to interact with the rest of society...it's truly magical. I'm writing a thesis on it one day. Clark has 5 years to go and I'm not sure I can wait it out. Obviously I'm pissy...it could have something to do with a scratch on my kitty and being mindFUCKed by my boys today with Clark being the leader of the mindfuckers. Call Websters...it's a new word. If "bootylicious" can make it in, I'm a shoe in. Today started with a late night/early morning email from Owen confirming that he would be at my house around the 9:30am hour. Gavin called about 8:30am to see if I wanted to go to town with him. I almost went and my gut now tells me that clearly that would have been the best decision I could have made today...well, that and leaving my phone behind. I de...