Dating After 40: Do Any of Us Really Know What We Are Doing?

WTF is up?? Just when I thought things were being laid out quickly and clearly, I didn't wait long enough for the rest to unfold. Clark started texting me around 10:30pm last night and was telling me how much he misses me and that he'll figure out a way around all of this. We were still texting at 11:30 when Gavin called from a bar around the corner asking if he could come over. He said he just wanted to hang out...yeah, right. So I quit texting Clark, but decided to not do anything to myself since I was already in bed with my hair up in a ponytail and everything. Gavin gets here and walks into my room and takes what I'm reading and lays it down. He said he was hungry and asked if I would feed him. Then he says "This isn't a booty call. I just wanted to come hang out with you." I laughed at him, uncovered myself, and he watched me get my naked body out of the bed to go fix him a sandwich. He changed his mind about his intentions. He ended up giving me some gre...

Friday night I invited Undercover to go out with me and my girlfriend from high school and her boyfriend. This particular friend is my crazy one who is currently separated and recently appeared in court due to assault charges filed by her ex-husband (we argue all the time over whether to call him her husband, since he technically is, or her ex-husband). I figured this would be the make or break date for me and Undercover and I wanted to get him out with a group to see if his weirdness level changed any and to get at least one more friend's opinion on him. I chose my crazy friend because she tells it like it is. We hung out a little while at my friend's apartment and then headed out to a local bar to eat and grab some beers. The night was pretty tame although I did get quite a nice buzz going. We ended the night at about 2am after a few very intense games of Asshole (the drinking card game). Undercover mixed well with the group and my friend told me she could sense his 'we...

O-M-G. I just laughed until tears were streaming down my face. I’ve had three of the funniest things happen in the last 12 hours. First up, after a terrible softball game that included me bruising my hip and being hit in the head by a ball, I was moping and talking to FJB on IM. He told me he was scouring EBay for a wireless router for me to help me pick up my internet signal better and then he actually bought one for me. And he even managed to find one in the same town so it will get here more quickly. It’s not flowers or candy but I think it’s a step in the right direction and perfectly appro for his personality. LOL! Then even better, this morning I saw a list Duckie had made for himself. Apparently, it is his “to-do” list for tonight and it cracked me up. Verbatim… email NAME on match put weights together wrestle kids cook dinner search match clean/pickup the house Bless him. There is so much funny about this list and it is par for the course folks. He used to make lists ...

Well here’s a lesson in being careful what you ask for, because sometimes you may just get it! Last night, I posted something on FB about letting the universe sort out this boy situation for me so that I didn’t have to put a lot of effort into it myself. It answered quickly! I received a text from Clark this morning saying that he has a new supervisor at work that knows his gf and therefore we can’t meet out while he’s at work anymore…which was the only way we were able to see each other. So, I have no idea where this is going to go now. I’m not going to just sit around and wait for her to decide to leave him. I fully understand why he can’t leave her (or why he feels like he can’t), but frankly none of it is my problem. Our conversation was pretty quick this morning because by the time I woke up and answered his text, he was getting ready to go home. I’m sure he’ll text me more tonight and we’ll discuss it further, though I’m not sure what there is to discuss at this juncture. I’m jus...

HA, you guys are thinking this is about sex aren't you? Well of course it is in a way...but I meant a quick update. Gavin called me tonight to see if I wanted to hang out. I said yes because my house was free and I knew that he would leave before it was time for me to go meet Clark since Russell had to come home for all of that to occur. He came over and since Chloe was up, we hung out on the porch for a little while drinking and talking. Finally she went to sleep and I actually upheld my pseudo agreement with Clark and just gave Gavin an amazing blow job instead of fucking him. (In case you think I'm bragging about the amazing...he came twice.) I did this for 2 reasons. 1. I thought I was seeing Clark in a few hours and even I'm not quite that big of a whore. 2. I felt a tiny twinge of guilt after fucking Gavin last night because Clark and I did have a long discussion about him specifically and his distaste for the things I do with him. So even though I'm still my ow...

Boy has a lot changed in six weeks. Let’s recap shall we?  First there was the whole apex of my craziness and the night I found out I had Chlamydia, thanks to Cabana Boy – only boy I was with who had it. Interesting….  Then I met crazy IT and had that intense two week thing with it resulting in him going entirely batshit crazy and me considering changing my phone umber.  Then there was the resurgence of FJB, really the only guy I’ve actually “like” liked, and our majorly surprising date on Wednesday.  Sheesh!  Really this is my life? No wonder if feels like freaking summer flew by. So after my whiney post on Friday I’m really trying to hang on to my sanity and not overanalyze everything with him.  We had extremely tentative plans to do something Friday night but then FJB decided he felt anti-social so I, yes Miranda the girl who hates to stay home, stayed home on Friday.  Know what I did?  I cleaned, organized my closet, hung a few pictures, d...

Yesterday was a really, really weird day with the boy toys. It started with Clark just randomly texting me first thing in the morning. He really didn't seem to want to chat, but was seemingly just checking to see what I was doing. He had base duty, so he was at work all day. Around lunchtime, Gavin called me to see what I was doing and to feel out if he could hang out with me. His intention was to take me to a Greek festival in town, which I would have loved to do. I couldn't though  because I had Chloe with me. Then he starts going on about how he thinks he may actually move in with the gf, but has a lot of hesitations with this you know because she still has a restraining order against him and because he thinks she treats him like shit. I finally told him that it's just too hard for me to listen to this stuff and NOT comment. I'm one of the MOST opinionated people in the world and I told him I almost have to bite my tongue in half when he starts in on this shit. He as...

I’m a little disillusioned at the moment with Clark. First, I’ve come out from under the spell of the kissing. Second, I did a bad thing and now I regret it. There is such a thing as too much information. Here’s a cautionary tale of when FB stalking becomes dangerous. Last night, we were texting and I was playing on FB, so I started FB stalking him. He and I are not friends (see my previous posts about not really friending my current boy toys), but I was looking at his parents’ pages at that time for pics of him. What I found was not pretty…it was just not pretty. Ironically, we are both from the same state. We didn’t meet there, but it’s kind of funny to be seeing a guy from NC 5,000 miles from home on a rock in the middle of the Pacific.  Ok, so he’s from NC and his parents couldn’t be any more of the stereotypical Southern redneck variety if they tried. I say this coming from a pretty redneck family myself, but oh dear lord I’d bet money people call his dad “Bubba...

So coming down from my FJB high of Thursday today is apparently freaked out Friday. I find myself riddled with insecurity and self-doubt. I don’t like this “caring what a boy feels about me” thing. I don’t like feeling insecure, unsure, and second-guessing what I say and do. WTF! I mean I am far from perfect but I know I’m a “catch” so to speak. I know I’m completely date-worthy. I am independent, don’t need a man to support me, take care of my self, funny, intelligent, and reasonably attractive. So why am I racked with insecurity? I’m playing it cool with FJB. I mean he knows I like him but I’m not chasing him or making myself overly available. I think a big part of the problem is I’m so used to stage 5 clingers that not having someone all over me (figuratively speaking) feels like unfamiliar territory. Interestingly I’m being fairly “monogamous” because I’ve hardly texted or talked to any other boys and especially not in a flirty way. I actually declined going back to FJB’s hous...

I know I just posted but I wanted to do another quickie (excuse the pun) to catch you up to speed on The Barber situation. I haven't seen him for two weeks as of today. Let me re-phrase that, I hadn't seen him for two weeks as of today. It's not due to a lack of effort on my part let me assure you. After the pseudo-proposal conversation we had last Friday, I didn't hear from him again until Monday. Monday he told me he would call me after he finished playing basketball but he never did. I called once and texted once on Tuesday and got no response. Then at about 9am yesterday morning I get a text saying 'Sorry I've been MIA...think I'm leaving tonight...' By leaving he means driving to NYC to celebrate his 30th birthday, visit family and make some money (use your imagination on that one). He told me he would try his best to see me before he left and I told him that would be lovely because I'm getting a little impatient and a lot horny. Well, guess ...

I've really gone and done it this time. Tuesday was my third date with Undercover, although I'm not counting Saturday's pool party and subsequent hang out or Sunday's hang out time as real dates since we didn't leave my house. Last night counts though because we went out for drinks and he bought me dinner (well, technically the dinner part was chinese delivery after we got home from the drinking but he still paid). I was nervous to see him but excited at the same time. The evening was going well in my opinion. We talked about lots of interesting things. For instance, I learned that Undercover not only has an Accounting degree and an MBA but he also finished law school and passed the bar! MBA from London Business School and Law School at Penn State. Not too shabby. He is the middle child of three boys - older brother is married with kids and younger brother is single and took over the family business after their dad died. He likes really spicy food and loves to...

What to say, what to say. Let’s just start by saying that all my anxiety about last night with FJB was quite unfounded because it pretty much turned out to be the best possible version of what I could have ever imagined. I ducked out of work a little early so I could make it home to do all the prep for dinner and get myself ready. At one point, I was literally barefoot and cooking in the kitchen. I texted Jules and Gwyn and told them if I had put on my wedding band and stuffed a pillow under my dress to make a baby bump, I’d be living my own 50’s housewife fantasy. I was really nervous about cooking. I mean I think I’m a good cook but I so wanted him to be impressed. So I whipped up a batch of my special enchiladas and the most delicious Mexican corn (seriously tasty – just corn, cream cheese, butter, jalapenos, and garlic salt – I could have eaten a vat of this stuff) and proceeded to try to get dressed. I say try because I bet I tried on at least 20 different outfits. I was tryin...

I think I have a crush on Clark. I mean I can tell you guys 85 reasons why we won’t work out, but I can’t help the fact that I’m sitting in my office thinking about kissing him last night. I’m not even as focused on the hot beach sex under the full moon (with no audience this time as we skinny dipped in the ocean).  He was late last night meeting me because of work. I was so tired and all I wanted to do was be in my bed because I knew that I would only end up with about 4 hours of sleep last night the day before work and my first Masters class. I’d only had about 5 hours the night before due to texting with him all night. I knew better than to go out, but I went anyway. It was very worth it, though I may feel differently by the time I get home to post this. So let me start with the main reasons (not 85 I promise) that I’m skeptical… He does technically still have a gf. He did tell me last night that she’s back on PoF and he’s hoping she finds someone quickly and moves...

Apparently this is all the rage in the blog community, along with HNT (Half Naked Thursdays...I had to ask) where you post a half naked picture of yourself. I don't think the girls and I will be participating in that one, but I'll give you a TMI Tuesday about my morning with Owen. I was up until 2am last night in another text marathon with Clark and was literally on my way back to bed for a nap after dropping Chloe off at school when Owen texted me saying that his wife had finally gone back to work today after being off all summer. He asked if my house was available and if he could please come over. I immediately started getting ready and about 30 minutes later his hot self walked through my door to me laying on my bed playing with one of my toys. He LOVES to walk into me doing that. It's always his request, so much so that I didn't even make him ask for it today. I just did it for him. I was almost there when he arrived and he came over to the bed, took my toy, and rep...

FJB is still on the upswing so to speak. He’s been emailing me pretty regularily, which never happened before. He’s very anti-personal business at work – no personal emails, no answering his cell phone, etc. He’s quite the little uber-employee. So anyways, yesterday he emailed me something about the timing of our dinner on Wednesday and suggested that we actually eat at his house. Now this feels like a big deal because before, I never got the in-home invite. So I’m not sure what caused this change but I agreed because frankly, I’m hella curious about what the inside of his place looks like. I’ve seen pictures of the outside, yes I cyber-stalked him, but I can’t quite figure out if he’s going to have standard bachelor/college decor or something a little more precise, and upscale. Should be interesting to invade his inner sanctum. He also volunteered to cook dessert – carrot cake specifically. I’ve never had a guy bake for me and this fits his personality so well it makes me laugh. FJ...

Clearly the men in my life think I have given up sleep just for their satisfaction.  Clark called me at 6:20am this morning because I hadn’t answered the texts he had sent me in the middle of the night. FYI, my wake up time is 7am. I can sleep through my text notification, but not the actual ringing of the phone.  We then proceeded to have a 4 ½ hour text conversation that was mostly sexual in nature, but with some discussion of where he wants this to go. He told me today that I’m marriage material. I almost wrecked my car (yes, I know I shouldn’t text and drive).  I’m actually in the process of working on my portion of a three way blog about marriage and monogamy.  Speaking of three ways, he also asked me for a three way with another girl (sometime in the future...not the gf) and told me he would have 3 ways with me with other men if I wanted in return. When I expressed my concern over having to touch her in places that I don't want to, he said I ...

To take a momentary break from our dating dilemmas, I have a divorce dilemma on my hands. Friday is Duckie’s birthday and I’m trying to decide what to do about that.   My birthday was in June and Duckie did NOT have the kids buy me a present. They had cards for me but that was it and I got a Happy Birthday email from him. Now at the time, he was still really mad at me so I sort of understand his motivations but I think it was pretty shitty regardless.   There’s a part of me that for spite doesn’t want to make any effort to buy him a gift from the kids but at the same time, I want the kids to have a gift if that’s what they want to do. Plus, things have been so friendly between me and Duckie lately I’d hate to do anything that would put us back on the outs.   So the dilemma is, do I: A. Just have the kids buy/make cards. B. Buy a gift that the kids can give him. C. Ask the kids what they want to do and go with whatever they say.   What do you think? And do I...

Seems like I'm not the only one who had an incredibly strange weekend thanks to Mercury and this insane POF identity-switching experiment! So I was supposed to meet Undercover for drinks on Friday night but when he texted to confirm around lunch time I decided to back out. Honestly, I was in the weirdest mood on Friday and I just didn't feel like being sociable. My astrological advisor (aka a girl I used to wait tables with) told me that due to the whole Mercury in retrograde crap I should keep my little butt at home, I followed her advice. Undercover wasn't too disappointed but he did put up a valiant effort to try and get me to change my mind. Instead of meeting him for drinks, I went home and literally sat in silence and enjoyed the peace and quiet for a couple of hours. I know that wasn't very Miranda of me to stay home on a Friday night but the thing I've learned with this whole experiment is that sometimes Gwyn just has to take over, it's beyond my control...

Gavin has decided that if ever he were to become a super hero, this would be his moniker. Ok folks, for those of you that might think I'm falling for him (especially after this post), let this be your guide as to why he and I will never have a "serious" relationship. We were hanging out today (I'll get to that part in a second) and he made mention of how he thought if he lived here with me that his "services" should suffice as rent. I told him while that was well and good for me, Russell would probably have a much different opinion. Then he starts in on this super hero thing and how I could just beckon this moniker and he would appear to render his services. His dog likes to lick me (no, not there!)and he went on a tangent about how he and his sidekick would have special licking powers. Now for the funny part (though the whole conversation was pretty hilarious), he said his costume would have a HM on it for Whore Man...I actually started to tell him that who...

So crazy Mercury has continued to fuck with me this week. First off, Friday night I’m sitting on my bed having a lovely IM conversation with FJB when I get a voicemail notification. Weird that my phone went straight to voicemail without even ringing. As I listen to the message, it’s from freaking IT! WTF? And the kicker is, the message is not for me. He left the message like he thought he had dialed someone else and had to tell them all about the amazing vacation he just got back from. The 5 minute message goes something like, “Hey Frank and Beverly. Just wanted to let you know I’m home from Italy. Amazing vacation, amazing. Best of my life. I got your message but I just didn’t have any service in Italy. Wow, the time difference in Italy, I’m so jet lagged. Blah, blah, blah, blah. Thanks for offering to pick me up from the airport, I’m home now, I got home a few hours ago. Maybe we can hang out this weekend. I know you already have my number but here it is again ###-####.” ...

It's just been a wtf kind of week...I'm glad I know Mercury is to blame now. I have a kid free weekend with no plans and I'm thinking it's a good thing. I may just lay low and chill. Gavin came over earlier, but not for sex. We just did a line and hung out talking for a while. He told me he'd call me later, but I doubt it. Once he starts, he usually keeps going until he gets paranoid and then isn't that into sex and he knows I'm not a heavy user so I won't keep doing it with him all night. It's funny though because we were literally just talking about our lack of use the other day and how it's really so much better for us and then here he is with lines for us this afternoon...obviously Mercury. I did surmise today that he's still with the gf, but he sounds miserable. I just don't get that...really. If after 5 years you can't even consider living with the person that you're with when you're in a housing bind, why would you stil...

So the last couple of days have been ridiculous.   If we’ve said it before, we’ve said it a thousand times when it rains, it pours boy wise.   After all my recent “laying low” I’ve jumped right back into the frying pan.   Yesterday things really broke off and went all crazy yet again.   Bubba’s been up my ass trying to keep me interested but he so knows I’ve cooled way down.   Honestly, he’s a nice guy but the little extra oomph you need to connect with someone just isn’t there despite my best attempts to talk myself into liking him.   Plus he keeps referencing his freaking accident like he’s trying to subtly make me feel guilty that he wrecked his car (in hopes of me continuing to see him I suppose) and mentioning that I could come see him at his house and that his kids wouldn’t mind meeting me. Twin was texting me like crazy yesterday and I’ve been becoming more and more Gwyn lately thanks to our little PoF experiment so eventually I stopped responding...