Free at Last...Well Sorta

About a week ago I started getting drunken text messages from good old College Crush.  Since I’ve been dating Coach, my communication with him has fallen way, way off.  A couple times, College Crush has caught me on Facebook and we’ve instant messaged but that’s been about the sum total of our connection. 

I think it was Wednesday night last week when I started getting funny drunk messages from him.  It was just his random normal humor but then he told me, “I know we don’t see each other anymore but I really miss you. You’re a hell of a girl.” HA!  Bless his heart.  He followed up my thanks for the compliment with asking if we could hang out next time he was in town. Yeah, sure, like that’s ever going to happen. It’s not that I wouldn’t hang out with him, but the simple fact is… HE NEVER COMES TO TOWN. That was a huge issue from when we were trying to hang out.  He’s the king of making plans and canceling them for various stupid reasons.

Also, last Friday I was working and what to my wondering ears should I hear….a phone call from SAWYER.  Crazy right?  I answered and we talked for a few minutes. He said he’d been thinking about me and missing hanging out with me.  We pleasantly chatted for a few minutes and he told me he was being good and that he wasn’t cheating on his wife right now. That he actually hadn’t seen anyone else since me.  WHATEVER!!! 

Sawyer proceeded to tell me everything he knew about my life (thanks to my mouthy over sharing little children lol) and asked about me and Coach.  I made the critical mistake of confirming that Coach had moved to DC and I swear I could hear Sawyer licking him chops.  The next question he asked was if I was in love with Coach to which I quickly said, “Well I love him.” HA!  We talked for a few more minutes and I could hear the wheels spinning in his head about proposing that we hang out soon.  Thankfully he had to go because; wait for it….his wife was getting in the truck.  Some things never change….

Last but certainly not least on the crazy random train, guess who friended me on Facebook.  FJB.  What the fuck is going on in this random boy land???  I accepted his friend request mostly because I was curious to see his wall and see what he’d been up to. There’s been no further contact with him but I keep waiting for him to post on my wall or say something to me.  

It does make me feel a little nervous to have past "flings" come back in my life. I mean it's easy to be faithful when your significant other is in your face on a regular basis.  It makes me worry it's going to be a slippery slope if I maintain any sort of contact with any of them. Hell  today on the way to work I caught myself thinking I should email Sawyer. Where in the hell did that come from?

In other news, I signed my divorce papers today – WHOOT!  They still have to be officially filed with the court but for all intents and purposes Miranda is a free woman.  Free at last, free at last, thank god almighty I’m free at last!

When I got the message yesterday from our lawyer to come in and sign the papers this morning I was more than a little excited.  Even though Duckie and I have a long peaceful period, it’s still felt like this final paperwork was some sort of leverage he had hanging over my head.  And even in an amicable split like ours, anything involving actual lawyers and legal paperwork is incredibly nerve-wracking.

Though I was and am excited to have this final piece almost done, it does arouse mixed emotions.  I was tremendously excited this morning but as soon as I pulled up to the lawyer’s office I felt sort of sad.  It’s kind of the same way I felt when we finally signed our separation agreement.  I imagine it would feel differently if the marriage had been horrible and we’d been evil to each other but since that wasn’t the situation, it definitely makes me feel a little sad in a weird way.

I guess Miranda’s not always the cold heartless bitch she portrays herself to be….

Miranda