Well, well it seems Jules does heart Gavin. I told you guys I called him Saturday after not hearing from him for 3 days and we had a very unsatisfying chat. I figured it would at the very least spawn contact on Sunday though…nope, nothing. To be fair I knew he was racing with his son on Sunday, but I expected him to come over last night. As it turned out, I’m actually glad he didn’t because I was sitting up and drinking with Russell and his current (though he won’t call him this) bf. Anyway after a few beers and a bottle of wine, I fired off a seething email to Gavin about 12:45am telling him that I was pissed off and that I was totally over his push-pull thing and that he better figure out what he wants from me and that if he couldn’t, I would do it for him because I deserve better than what he’s currently offering. I told him that I let him cum and go as he pleases with no demands, but that I was over the withdrawal thing. I also told him that if he decided to continue things with this new girl he keeps mentioning that he better be sure about it because I would finished with him (such a hypocrite, I know).
I hit send and then I went into his email to erase it, but I decided not to do so. I decided to let it stay and see what he said. He started calling at 8:45am. I ignored it because I had not had an appropriate amount of caffeine at that time and I knew better than to engage with him, plus I wanted to hear his reaction on voice mail first before I dealt with him directly. He didn’t leave a voice mail on this call, so when he called back 10 minutes later I let that go to VM too. He left one that time about how he wanted to talk to me, he had only read the first few lines of my email because the gf was standing over him, he was freaking out that she would go into his email and find it and kick him out, asked me to please delete it, said he loves hanging out with me, still wants to hang out, he doesn’t know what he did, and to please call him. I still wasn’t ready to talk to him and when I got to work today I had a lot of things to do. He called 5 more times and left several other messages asking me to please call him, that this was stressing him out, he just wanted to talk to me and know why I was upset, etc.
I finally called him back. I knew he was working and I hate that feeling of not knowing, so I called and got his VM. I told him I had deleted the email from his email and hung up. He called back after he finished in the tree he was in and we talked. I basically admitted that I’d gotten my feelings hurt because he’d been MIA for a few days. He said that he’d missed me too and that he had wanted to walk down so many times the last few days but he’d been really busy with stuff for his son and trying to find work. He seemed really sincere and he also seemed really happy to hear that I’d missed him. He got all sing songy about it. He asked me in the future if I’m upset about something to please call him and tell him. I feel a little guilty now, like maybe I over-reacted just a tad (ok a lot). So now he knows I have these feelings for him…I hate putting stuff like that out there, but I suppose it was time.
I don’t want it to get weird between us, which is why I’ve never said anything to him before about how I feel about him. I still don’t want to be in a real relationship with him and I still don’t want him to leave the gf. I just got spoiled by the daily attention and when it stopped, I went into withdrawal and got a little crazy. I’m better now.