Yep That Damn Stove Is Still Hot

I did it...I caved and you know what? I had a great time. Clark and I exchanged very angry texts Thursday as I mentioned. We discussed each other's flaws and essentially just beat each other up and then we moved past it. I told him that I will never, ever in life spend another day doing this. He said he loved me again. I almost believe him...no, I take that back. I do believe him in as much as he can love someone else. He has invited me to spend this week with him because Chloe is on spring break, but I just couldn't commit to the whole week because I have issues (and some would argue a shred of common sense). I did spend last night and today with him though.

Last night I dropped Chloe off with my best friend on the island and went to his house. He took me out to dinner and a late movie and then took me back to his house for some mindblowing sex. I came so hard, so many times. He's insanely jealous of Owen b/c he knows I think Owen is the sex god that he is, so he's apparently trying to prove himself. I love when men do that. Anyway, it was normal, poop free sex....lol. He was fantastic and did all of the things he knows I love and put his dick anywhere he could. We fell asleep in a heap. He woke me up about 6 hours later for some more of the same. It was another round of amazing! I love sex with him. He's a sociopath, but holy shit it's literally some of the best.

After this morning's amazing sex, I blew him and then he took me to brunch. Last night's dinner was great, but he took me to a place this morning that was out of this world and not only that but he waited with me for over an hour without complaining (I complained, he didn't) for red velvet pancakes. He knows I adore all things red velvet and he told me about this place a few months ago. It was worth every second of the wait. After our exceeding long brunch, we did some shopping, and then went to a beautiful white sandy beach for an afternoon of lounging.

I left after I got back to his place and showered. I'd made up some lame excuse last night about him not having a printer and needing to print something for school tomorrow. It was a bogus thing just in case I wasn't having a good time with him, but I held to it for several reasons. First of all, Gavin called me right after brunch and I called him back from the bathroom. I honestly felt a little guilty (I have no idea why since he has a gf and all!) about being out with someone else, but he didn't mention that I wasn't home last night. I don't know yet if he noticed since his friend is in town, but he knew I was out today. I told him I was shopping across the island from where we live and he asked if I wanted to do something tonight. I said I would be home, but noted his friend is here. He called again while Clark was showering and I told him I'd be home later tonight. I was vague, so I'm sure his antennae are up. Second reason being I'm afraid if I immerse myself too far into Clark's world, I'm at risk for developing really deep feelings again. When I left Clark's house today, I was actually sad. I wish I'd stayed because we were having fun, but then I started thinking about how nice these last 2 days were with him and how I may actually miss him once he finally moves hence the sadness. It's such a weird situation.

So now it appears I am clearly delusional. We talked about us today and he said that honestly my situation is so fucked up that he can't handle it between the whole Russell/Chloe situation to the Gavin/Owen thing and he's right. It's a lot for anyone to absorb,  but it works for me at this point and I have no intention of making any changes. Plus, he's leaving any day now. It's clearly not meant to be, it's not our time in life, and we probably never will have an "our time" and that's ok. I need to enjoy the fun of now and then let it go.
-Jules