Over the past few days I've been called "cocky" by three different people. Now, don't get me wrong, I've never thought of myself as someone with low self esteem or as insecure (at least no more than the average person) but I've also never really considered myself to be cocky. So it's got me thinking....
Am I really cocky? Honestly, I don't think I am. I just think I have a healthy level of self esteem and so many people these days are so insecure with who they are that my security comes off as cocky. Where did this self esteem come from? Duh, from myself lol. But really, I think the experience that contributed most to my confidence was playing competitive sports.
I always encourage parents to put their kids in sports, if for nothing else it's great excercise and a way for them to meet new friends. But, mainly, I think it is the absolute best way to help your child build his/her self esteem. In competitive sports, you set goals and you work hard to acheive them. Each time you acheive a goal, you build your confidence. Each time you master a skill you've been practicing for months, you build your confidence. Every time you hear your mom and dad cheering for you from the sidelines, you build your confidence. Score a goal, you build your confidence. Make the varsity team, you build your confidence. Run until you throw up, then get up and run some more - you build your confidence. You slowly start to realize that the only thing holding you back is you and the only person who can help you to reach new levels of performance is you. No matter how many times your coach tells you you can do something, you never truly believe him until you do it and see for yourself. And each time that happens, your confidence rises.
As an adult, when I think about my good qualities I'm not limited to "I'm pretty"...."I'm smart"...."I have pretty hair"..."Boys like me"...some of the typical things you hear as a girl growing up. I think to myself..."I can score 2 goals against the US women's national team goalie"..."I can run 6 miles in 35 minutes (ok, that was when I was 16 lol)"....etc. you get the point. My self esteem is based on far more than my looks, and unfortunately in today's society it seems like the majority of women base their self esteem on nothing but their looks and sex appeal. And if that's where your self esteem comes from, you're in for big trouble - or lots of plastic surgeries.
So what in the heck does confidence have to do with this blog? Plenty. I believe that your confidence, self esteem, or lack thereof has a major effect on all of your personal and intimate relationships. Confident people don't stay in bad relationships. They know what they're worth and if someone isn't treating them with the respect they deserve, they'll find someone who will. They aren't scared to leave a relationship for fear they won't find anyone else to love them. They don't second guess their decisions or their feelings. They don't let another person have control over their happiness. Overall, they don't settle for less than they deserve.
If a relationship starts making them insecure, they are more apt to notice it and to either change things or leave the relationship. When you're used to feeling insecure about yourself, you don't really notice so much when another person is making you feel that way.
Let us also remember ladies, confidence is sexy. I know, for me personally, it's one of the biggest turn ons in a man. So doesn't it make sense that this concept works in reverse? Men love a confident woman. It's more of a challenge for the man and he recognizes that a woman who loves herself will also be able to love him. He knows that he doesn't have to create happiness for her, that his love is like the cherry on top. Raise your confidence and I guarantee you more men will start to find you attractive, they can sense it and it drives them crazy.
So, my advice for all you insecure women out there (I'm not judging, I haven't always been as secure with myself as I am now..) - join a sports team. It's never too late to build your confidence. Just ask the 60 year old grandmother who plays forward on my soccer team :)
-Gwyn aka One Cocky Biatch
PS - I took a self esteem test to confirm or deny recent accusations...here are the results:
Your results indicate that you have very high self-esteem. You recognize your inner value and it shows in your personal life, relationships and career/school success. You exude confidence, and believe enough in yourself to pursue things whole-heartedly. Such a healthy self-esteem likely allows you to handle stress effectively and maintain an overall sense of well-being. You should value and nurture this quality; it will take you far in life. Way to go!