I still don’t know for sure what I want to do about Coach. But I’m afraid my indecision and inaction is coming across like I’m tolerant of the situation which believe me I’m not.
If I’m brutally honest, I feel like I want to give him one last chance. Stick by my old three strikes and you’re out rule of life. But at the same time I find myself growing impatient with him this week. Sometimes we talk and everything feels fine but sometimes I catch myself saying caustic remarks or biting comments about what he’s done. That’s not healthy regardless of what I decide to do with our relationship.
I’ve definitely ridden Coach pretty hard this week about everything and I think I’m at that point where I have to start letting it go or just cut the cord. If I am going to give him another shot, it’s not going to be easy to let these issues go and resume acting “normal.”
I will say as painful as it is, I have learned a lesson with this whole thing. With Duckie, I never told anyone about our relationship issues. Well I had one friend I confided in but that was it, which is why it was such a big shock when I told everyone I wanted a divorce. I have figured out that you have to talk about stuff like this. That’s not to say I’m spilling my guts to anyone and everyone. Jules and Gwyn know everything and well you readers know it too but I have also casually mentioned to my mom that this past weekend did not go the way I wanted. I could tell she was salivating for more details but I have enough crazy in my life without asking her for relationship advice. It’s not always easy opening up and being vulnerable but I’m definitely learning to do it.
PS – Grandpa Twin texted me last night. He does about once a month now always with a really funny text that is incredibly random but you have to give him points for originality. His text from last night, “I’m in Goldsboro for work and it made me think about you. I remember how you told me you hated Goldsboro.”