Tuesday, July 27, 2010

Round 2

Last night, Russell and I were home alone. That's not a very good idea these days, really...but we were trying to make it a nice evening. We were supposed to have a nice TV night on the couch catching up on our DVR shows. We did that, but with a brief interruption for a HUGE fight. The bf texted him while we were watching TV and told him that he'd had a rough day and that he wanted Russell to come out and meet him for a little bit on the beach or something. Then, Russell said "yes". WTF? I got pissed. I mean pissed. (There was a large bottle of wine involved and I started my period today too.) I laid into him about being a sorry ass friend, that I was sick and tired of this stupid child (the bf, not ours), that he was neglecting all of his shit around the house, etc. When I'm mad, I will cuss you out in a flat second too...being Southern and all. So words were exchanged (This was the 1st time in 18 years he's ever called me a bitch...which is shocking in and of itself since I am a bitch about 99% of the time) and then he got in my face...so I hit him. He pinned my arms and took me to the ground where I started kicking his back until he let go of me. Yep,  we were at it again...he walked out of the house after that to take out the trash because he'd been doing the dishes and some other chores before going because I told him if he didn't that they would be in his motherfucking bed when he got back. I think he gets that I don't make empty threats anymore.
He came back in after walking the trash up and we sat down and talked. He apologized for how he'd reacted to me and said that he was going to stay home as he had originally planned. We talked/yelled (me yelling) some more and we actually both cried. I told him again that none of his friends like the person that he has become and he agreed that he doesn't either. I told him that I'm tired of his not being here and that it's effecting Chloe and that if he can't do a better job of not going out around her, then I'm moving her home. Basically I told him that I can afford to stay in HI for a 6 months without his help beyond child support and then I can move home and transfer my Master's program to a NC school. I told him that I still don't want to do that, but I will because I will always survive and take care of her and I and that I will NOT do it here if I have to put up with this constant stupid bullshit from him. It ended up being a really good talk (though I pointed out that we had a very similar, non-violent version of this same talk about 2 weeks ago) and I think I actually got through to him this time.
He said he thinks I hate him. I assured him that presently while I don't like him, I don't hate him. When I truly hate you, I cut you completely out of my life forever and there is no going back. He's seen me do it and I told him that the way things are headed, it's plausible we could end up there and it's up to him to change because right now he really sucks.
Side note: He sucks for more than just trying to bail on me last night for TV night. Please note that this single event was not the cause of my rage against him last night. My rage is over how little he's being doing around here and how I basically feel like I have to force him to spend time with Chloe over the bf.
Now we wait to see if things really do change, he told me last night that he's changed work around and he plans to change things around here too. I told him that his staying last night and actually talking through everything was a really good start.


  1. Damn girl! Stop the violence lol! Seriously, I'm glad you were able to talk things through. I think you probably have a lot of the same emotions a woman would traditionally have after finding out her spouse was cheating only in your case, it's like you have lost your best friend.


  2. I'm sorry to hear you have to go through so much drama just to have him perform his duty as a father. I haven't read your entire history in the blog with him, but he sounds like a child who needs to be always told what to do "or else"! How exhausting and draining!

  3. Miranda - I know I need to stop hitting him. I'm just so pissed most days. I hate living with him, but I have to for now. I do have a lot of those same emotions, but oddly I'm the one that cheated for 2 1/2 years!
    Mia - He's just like a child. It's exhausting...really.