Saturn is Fucking Up My World

Today has just been a super weird day...from the moment I got up until now. Canada took today off to spend with me and while I had an early appointment in town that did not require his presence, he still felt compelled to ride with me. I am not a morning person, unless I'm getting sex and quite honestly rarely am I ever in the mood for chatting before about 9am. I can text, but no verbal communication needs to occur. Well apparently I set the tone for the day because that man said about 10 words all day while we were together. Here's all the rest of the initial weird. We drove the almost hour into town in virtual silence, of which I was thankful for. When we got there, I asked what he was going to do and he actually asked if he could come in with me...um, no. Then I had my meeting and you would think he would have asked something, anything about it since he had wanted to attend it but he did not. So I started texting Russell and Miranda and telling them about it and how overwhelmed I am by it all. My meeting was with my college advisor about my practicum for my Masters (I'm not really a stupid whore for all of you that don't know me personally.) and I realized that I have to work my normal 20 hour a week job, do 16 hours of practicum work a week all semester, and attend classes. Holy Fuck...bye bye time with my kid, bye bye social life, bye bye sanity, bye bye sleeping.
We drive up to a beach which is deserted for the most part and I'd told him some very sexual things I'd wanted him to do to me out there today, but in light of our non communication and my not responding to his constant need to have his hand somewhere on my body...I guess he decided I wasn't in the mood. He just kept staring at me (which I finally yelled at him for b/c it's just a little unnerving) and lightly rubbing my arm...I hate that shit. I'm not a pet...don't just pet my arms and stuff...gag. At one point he uttered this phrase to me, which just made me laugh at him...literally. "I can easily see how you could be someone's paradise." Clearly my non verbal communication was not reaching him until sometime later in the day. I finally ended our misery out on the beach. I actually was quite relaxed once I made him stop watching me breathe. He told me that my breaths were x times in relation to the waves...seriously first of all who watches someone breathe like that and then who relates it to the ocean and then tells the other person. Back in my town as I was dropping him off at his bike (which I refuse to ride), he tried to kiss me again and I kind of dead fished him and said "bye". He got out and sent me a text about 15 minutes later saying "Thank you for sharing your morning with me. I hope I haven't, but I feel may have invaded it on you. Enjoy your afternoon with Chloe.". I responded that today had been weird and that I'm very independent and that I needed this to slow down big time. I'm overwhelmed by what I'm facing at the moment and need to re-prioritize (essentially using this as my out for not being in a relationship). Now other than my slight slip the other night of telling him I had a crush on him (which I'm obviously over), I have been very firm in not wanting to be involved in any type of committed relationship. I've said it 83 ways to Sunday. So he keeps up the texting and I eventually tell him that I'm too busy to have this convo right now, but I'll text him at 6pm after I drop Chloe off at dance class. He said he understood and then throughout the afternoon proceeded to send me 29 texts professing his feelings for me. I won't elaborate on all of them because it made me throw up a little in my mouth reading them, so I won't put you readers through it too, but holy mother of god the man is nuts. I can't even explain how unnerving those texts were and they just kept coming. I finally responded at 6pm and told him that I do like him, I do like the sex, but if we are to hang out he's got to keep these feelings to himself. He didn't respond for 3 hours saying that he fell asleep but will control his feelings if that's what I need. I'm questioning this b/c clearly he could not contain them all afternoon. I mean he made some good points as to why I should keep him around, but honestly how many times does a woman have to tell you in a week and a half that she has commitment issues only to listen to how much you are into her?? I know that sounds like a ridiculous thing to complain about since so many people in the world want exactly what I don't...but I don't right now.
Ok, so in the midst of this I'm setting up to meet Andy 26. Oh that was another thing I told Canada...that I wanted to be free to see other people as well. He's glossed over that. Anyway, Andy 26 wanted to come up tonight but my kid/Russell situation was just too tight tonight and so we were discussing options and he mentioned he was making himself sushi for dinner. I love sushi and he said if I wanted to come to his house on Thursday, he would gladly prepare me some for dinner.
Now in the midst of this I get this random text from a guy named Clint. Clint is military and we hooked up once sometime early last year. He's married with a young kid and has very little free time. His family was on the mainland the one time we met, but randomly he'll text the crap out of me. I talked to him a lot last July for about a week via text and then he disappeared again until around the holidays. We texted once or twice and then nothing. I assumed he'd left the island, actually in all honestly I hadn't really thought about him again. He's a super cute guy and hung like a fucking horse, but it just seemed a one night stand and you guys know it's pretty much out of sight, out of mind with me. Well today he starts up a firestorm of texting...I mean it went on for like 3 hours and he's vowed that when he gets back from the East Coast next week, he's going to find a way to see me again. I'll believe it when I see it, but whatever sometimes sexting is hot too.
Then in the midst of this, Russell sends me a text asking me if he could take me to dinner on our anniversary, which is early next month. I mean it's just a gesture of friendship, please don't read into it...just weird timing considering the rest of my day. I accepted his offer though, but am not sure how I feel about "celebrating" that day. I thought we would be in a much different place on our 10th anniversary.
-Jules