Sunday, July 25, 2010

I've Got Balls of Steel

Well to put an exclamation point on the end of a very weird, off the wall week, I had quite an interesting experience on my date with Motorcycle Man (MM) last night.

After spending an entire long, super hot day at the pool with the kids, Josie, Gwyn (who please note is not giving me the silent treatment despite her earlier threats), and a bunch of other girls, I shepherded off the kids to my mom’s for the night. MM wanted me to come out to his place, about 45 minutes from mine, and plan to stay the night even though he knew sex was off the table. So I get myself together and headed out his way.

When I got there, MM greeted me with a big hug and kiss. Then he offered me some wine, which I of course accepted. He whipped open the fridge, grabbed his BOX of wine and proceeded to squeeze out every drop into two plastic cups for us to take with us in the car. Now there is nothing wrong with a good box of wine but it was so typically MM it cracked me up.

So we headed off to dinner and true to form, the radar signal went off and I started getting texted by College Crush and Cabana Boy lol. Thankfully, MM doesn’t care if I text so I was able to take care of both of them. We had a GREAT dinner and lots of good conversation and laughter. All was well in the world.

Next we headed to this local martini/cigar bar to listen to a soul/Motown band. Not exactly MM’s scene but he was willing to go to please me. While we were there we had some of the best people watching ever. The crowd was a really weird mixture of single women/men in their 40s and 50s along with a health dose of what looked like college kids. Seeing these old ladies whipping out their wrinkly cleavage and shaking it on the dance floor sent me into peels of laughter time and time again. And just watching how the old men and women were giving each other the eye and hooking up was quite hysterical.

Now this place is like a lounge with lots of loveseats and club chairs. MM and I were sitting on a loveseat and there was another loveseat facing us about 3 feet away. In came a couple who sat right there and started practically groping each other. The girl was clearly a good bit younger than the guy and I couldn’t help but roll my eyes and mentally make fun of the pairing for their obvious age difference. After a while of my mental degrading of this couple, I had a revelation….this couple, looked totally like me and MM! I bet the girl was my age and the guy was around MMs age. Again this caused me to laugh and I sort of felt embarrassed thinking everyone was thinking about us what I was thinking about them. I mean it’s not that MM is not a nice looking man and all but there is about a 12 year age difference and on top of that, I look relatively young for my age. Not many people think I’m 34 so I’m sure it looks more like a 15 or so year age difference. At least we were better behaved than this couple!

So while we’re sitting there I notice this super cute guy back over MM’s shoulder. He looked to be about my age and he was really good looking. He was sitting by himself with a drink texting almost as much as me – HA! Our eyes met a few times and I just smiled and looked away figuring he was waiting on a date and well I was on a date so…. For about the next 45 minutes I kept my eye on him and more often than not, he was staring back at me. We both kept smiling and it was quite entertaining. I can’t believe I was having eye sex with a guy while I was on a date with a different guy!

I sent MM on a couple “errands” to the bar to try to give this guy a moment to introduce himself or something but nothing seemed to be working. I was sending him mental messages to figure out a way to give me his number or pick up on the fact that I was interested. Hell I did everything but mime a blowjob! I mean we were clearly looking at each other a lot and liking it but I just couldn’t figure out how to circumvent MM to talk to this guy. It was about time for me and MM to wrap it up so I sat there contemplating what to do about this cutie and then I did something I didn’t think I had the balls to do. I hopped up to excuse myself to the restroom for a minute, gave this guy a very direct look and smile and strolled across the room. I found a scrap of paper in my purse and wrote a short note saying since he liked texting so much he should text me sometime and put my name/number on it. Then I flagged down a waitress and asked her to give it to him. I can’t believe I had the balls to 1 – give out my number unsolicited like that, 2 – to give it out in that manner, and 3 – to give it out when I was on a date with another dude!

Anyways, I walked back to MM and out of the corner of my eye I saw the waitress give him the note. When he read it he smiled really big and started laughing. I couldn’t even look his way the next 5 minutes because I was afraid I’d start laughing at my own audacity. So MM and I head back to his place and MM gets a phone call from his ex. She’s got their daughter and they’ve been down at the beach and she’s decided they are laving at 12:30 at night and she’s bring the daughter home to MM. Despite MM’s pleas for me to still stay the night I was determined to not be there when his daughter got home. I just don’t think it sets the right tone or example even if MM slept on the couch like he promised. So we head back to his place and true to form, the radar goes off and I start getting texted by College Crush and then …the cute guy from the bar starts texting me!

We texted back and forth for a bit and I assured him MM was not my boyfriend and that it was just a casual date. We texted even more as I drove home and eventually switched to talking on the phone. He’s 36, some sort of super fancy IT analyst who specializes in securing confidential data for his clients, he used to own his own business but sold it about a year ago, he lives in a very nice part of town, owns his own home (with a hot tub), never married, no kids, was in the Air force for about 5 years, runs like 30 miles a week, and oddly his birthday is just a few days after mine!

He told me he was actually texting his mom from the bar. He said he’d sent her a message earlier in the day and hadn’t heard back from her and so she finally answered him. Said he told her he’d just call her today but she wouldn’t stop texting him even after he told her he was at a bar LOL. He also told me he was quite impressed by my bravado and that he had been sitting there trying to figure out how to talk to me but he didn’t want to intrude on another guys date.

We actually had a great conversation and so far this guy definitely seems Team Miranda worthy! He suggested we meet up today so we can have a proper introduction. I can’t believe I picked up a guy while I was on a date! Who am I these days????

Stay tuned….

Miranda (aka The Pimp)

PS After I got off the phone with the new cutie, College Crush called me. He’s clearly staring to thaw towards me after all the drama of this week. I really need to figure out what to do about him!


  1. You go girl! Wow, you do have some cojones, but that is awesome - I love how he said that he was trying to figure out how to talk to you but didn't know how with you on a date. I hear all the time that guys appreciate a woman who makes the first move, but I'm still a ways from being as bold as you. I totally admire that!

  2. I'm so proud!! :)

  3. I still can't believe I did that. I mean really! We've texted all day today and sadly timing was not on our side so we couldn't swing a face to face today but I'm going to try to make it happen tomorrow! He's definitely reeling me in!

  4. Playa!

    I was at a bar in Sac when something similar happened to me. Sitting alone with some scotch, and this girl at the other end of the bar keeps making eye contact. But she was obviously on a date with some other guy, and I just didn't want to be a dick and emasculate this other guy by hitting on her, so I didn't. If she hadn't obviously been with this other guy I totally would have taken her cues and chatted her up.

    Anyways, just saying that that was absolutely perfect, because there was no way bar guy could talk to you unless he was sort of a dick. So good work!