"Good" Girls Gone Bad
So in large part this Hawaii
Now in Jules’ town the bars are limited. There are three in fact. We walked in the first one and turned around and walked back out. The second one was slightly more happening so we stayed and had a drink. Soon as we walked in the door, Jules ran into Handy Manny, the dad of a kid from Chloe’s school. He and Jules exchanged pleasantries and Jules revealed the fact that Handy Manny is married with a bunch of kids. We sat down and had a beverage, next thing we know he sent over a round of drinks – we figured it was hush money for not telling his wife he was out on the town. He did have a hot friend who was with him that caught Jules’ eye – Mormon Boy.
Before we knew it they disappeared from the bar and we figured Handy Manny was uncomfortable because we knew he was married. We finished up our drinks and headed to bar number three. On the way there I declared that Handy Manny and his friend would either be at the bar or show up shortly after we got there. Jules laughed but little did she know I am always right.
JULES VERSION OF THE NIGHT FROM BAR 3 ON:
Miranda and I were laughing at the bar, which is this total military hangout, dive bar, when Handy Manny and his crew rolled up in the bar. Handy Manny was visibly shocked per Miranda to see us there, but Mormon Boy seemed pleased. Mormon Boy kept staring at me at both bars, catching my eye, and smiling. This went on for like a freaking eternity…seriously. I was like ‘Dude, make a move already…’. Miranda kept saying that we should go out and sit on the patio where they were, but I wasn’t really into moving off my bar stool nor did I want to be the one to make that move. FINALLY, Mormon Boy comes into the bathroom and while in the bathroom seemed to find the courage to talk to me after he was finished.
I found out later he introduced himself and we all start chatting. Miranda was sucking down LITs and I was sipping (guzzling) some wine and he and his boys were doing Jager Bombs. He stands there long enough that Angry Boy (the 3rd of the crew who was an ass) comes in to check on him (by that I mean their next round of drinks) and Mormon Boy tries to get Angry Boy to hang out in there with us. Angry Boy is not down with this and goes off presumably to get Handy Manny to come in and talk some sense into Mormon Boy. Handy Manny is a nice guy (and hot) and we’ve known each other almost as long as I’ve lived on this island. Angry Boy didn’t realize that Handy Manny actually likes talking to me, so then Angry Boy was outnumbered in the friends that wanted to hang and chat up Miranda and I.
At some point Miranda got up to go to the bathroom and I started making out with Mormon Boy. I find this a very low brow thing to do as I am not a fan of PDA, but I seem to be a little low brow these days anyway. Miranda came back and recommended that I take Mormon Boy around the corner to my house and then come back to get her afterwards. I found this a spectacular idea and off we go. Now since Miranda is here this week, I’ve given her my bedroom and I’ve been sleeping in Russell and Chloe’s rooms at various points. Last night since Russell is back from the mainland, I was in Chloe’s twin bed. Mormon Boy and I were starting in and Miranda sends me a text saying she’s ready to come home and asking if she should find a way. I tell her I’ll come back to get her…so I left Mormon Boy in the bed and ran back around the corner. When I get to the bar, Angry Boy comes up to my car and grills me on Mormon Boy’s locale. He asks “Where is Jared?” I asked “Who?”. He looks at me like I’m stupid. Miranda has walked up at this point and is in peels of laughter telling me that this is the guy’s name in my house right now. I tell Angry Boy I’m not finished with his friend and I’ll get him back at some point later. He insists on me giving him my address, which I do and then we leave. Interesting side note here: Mormon Boy is working on the Mormon temple in Laie and actually lives in the EXACT apt I just moved out of 2 months ago.
I come back and Mormon Boy and I pick it back up. I found out that he’s actually an ex Mormon…deflected at some point. He’s got a HUGE package and no magic underwear. We fall asleep and I wake up around 7am miserably uncomfortable in a twin bed with another person, so I move to the couch. He comes in about an hour later and makes it clear he wants round 3. We start, but honestly we were both a little too hung over and about an hour of fooling around I tell him I’m ready to get up and take him home but I have to clean the car first where Miranda puked all down the side of Russell’s convertible. I spend like an hour doing this and to his credit he’s standing there keeping me company the whole time. I find out at this time via text that Mormon Boy accidentally walked into Russell’s room last night looking for the bathroom. Russell is not pleased with me over this and over the vomit on this car. He told me that he feels his bf should now be allowed to come over and honestly I could care less, so I agreed.
Mormon Boy and I talked the entire way back to his house and I actually like him…he’s cute and fun to talk to. He asked for my number at the house, which I gave him and we’ve said we’ll hang out again soon…stay tuned.
MIRANDA’S VERSION OF THE NIGHT FROM BAR 3 ON:
So Jules and I are cracking ourselves up at this bar. Like totally making a scene because we are dying laughing at everything around us. There are two random guys singing karaoke duets right behind us causing us to laugh hysterically and then bam, there’s a guy right next to Jules singing as well. This guy, Karaoke Boy, keeps singing and looking right at me. I was being freaking serenaded!
Handy Manny and the crew show up and I start making timetables for Jules about how quickly Mormon Boy will be inside talking to her. When he eventually did come in, just outside of my predicted time BTW, Jules randomly challenged me to drink a Long Island Ice Tea in under 3 minutes, I did it in under 1 thank you very much (though it was incredibly stupid really). I go to the bathroom and come out to find Jules sucking face with Mormon Boy which caused me great laughter all by myself. I scooted my barstool down a bit to allow more room for the dry humping and merrily texted Gwyn and Josie telling them I was the best friend ever because I was going to send Jules home to play with Mormon Boy while I stayed at the bar.
After they left, I was drunkenly flirting with Handy Manny, Angry Boy, and Karaoke Boy. I felt more than a little dizzy spinning back and forth to talk to them all and the ever flowing long island’s weren’t helping the situation. At one point I noticed Karaoke Boy kept writing in this little green notebook and I asked what he was doing. Apparently he keeps track of every karaoke song he’s ever sang. Yeah, you read that right. This douche carries around a record of his karaoke performances.
So this is where the night gets fuzzy for me. My unconscious brain must have known I was way past my appropriate alcohol consumption level and I texted Jules to come get me. I remember nothing after this until I woke up at some undetermined time later naked in the bathtub (except for my underwear), wet, and freezing cold. I must have got in there after throwing up in Russell’s car but I have no idea why I felt my underwear needed to stay on and why I chose to lay down in there.
I managed to get myself out of the tub, dry off, throw up some more, and then stumble into bed and my next conscious thought was waking up early this am and finding myself under the covers and wondering what in the hell happened. As Jules drove Mormon Boy home, we were texting and she asked how my guy was last night. I clarified that she meant Karaoke Boy and told her I had just talked to him and the other boys last night and that was all. She quickly set me straight and told me the Karaoke Boy came home with us last night and spent the night in my bed….. WTF!!!!! I thought she was just fucking with me at first but soon realized she was dead serious. I seriously have no recollection of this guy coming home with us or being in my bed.
I had to lay there for a minute and think to myself, “Do I feel like I just had sex?” After a few more minutes I decided surely we didn’t. I didn’t feel like I’d had sex recently and surely he wouldn’t have wanted to have sex with a drunken, puking, soaking wet me. Ridiculous! I still can’t believe he slept right next to me and I have no memory of him whatsoever. I bet he played a role in me getting into bed because I had my pajamas on but there’s no way I could have found them in the state I was in.
Seriously crazy, crazy, crazy night but with good fucking material to share with you all! Jules and I have totally lazed this day away nursing our monster hangovers and laughing at our antics. Other people must lead such boring lives….
Tonight it’s a fourth of July celebration at the marine base. Jules and I will do what we can to support our troops, but I have a feeling alcohol will be a low priority tonight!
Miranda & Jules
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