Friday, July 30, 2010

Hickeys and Hangovers

Oh dear Lord, I don't even know where to begin. If I still believed in God and was still a practicing Catholic, I imagine that's how my confession would start to flow. As it is, yesterday was a really weird day...I mean weird. I woke up to an email from Owen saying he couldn't meet me yesterday after work because his family was coming into town where he's working this summer for dinner. I guess he really couldn't tell his wife "No, sorry I plan to fuck my mistress today on the way home".  So, I'm certainly not pissed at him about it or anything. I'm having my period this week not that he cares but I kind of do (tmi I know) and in light of my lecture to Russell on Monday night...I was feeling guilty about leaving during "family hours" anyway.
Here's where it gets bizarre. I came home last night to the guy next door talking to Russell about coming over later with some recreational substances he brought back from the Middle East (no, he's not military...went to "find himself") duct taped to his balls. Now that's got to be some pretty good shit if you're willing to duct tape it to your balls...I'm just saying. Russell asked if I was down with this and clearly I am, so I have no idea why he asked. Neighbor guy is this really nice stoner kid (late 20s) that just moved in 2 months ago with his gf and the gf's kid that is 2 years old. His gf just took the bar exam this week and has apparently been way stressed and he's way stressed about this ready made family he's walked into it seems. Anyway, we hurry Chloe off to bed and proceed to drink a freaking ton of wine, smoke, and all take a Xanax. Please remember this when you're doing parent of the year nominations...we did wait until she was in bed after all.
At some point early in the evening around 11pm, Russell went to bed. Neighbor guy and I did not (quite yet). We continued to sit outside and drink. The next thing I knew, we were fucking in my bed and he was asking me if I was sure Russell didn't mind him fucking me. LOL, a little late now to be inquiring, but no, no he doesn't mind. (Well, he did mind a little bit I found out this morning but only because he was home and that's against our rules of play here.) Honestly I have very little memory of the sex, but what I do remember was pretty fucking hot and I remember him leaving at 3am saying how much he wanted us to do this again. I love neighbor sex as much as the next girl, but I don't know about this one. It feels a little too close! Plus, he's not really my type...I mean I think he's hot and he's got great stories and stuff, but he's all tattooed up and has his nipples pierced and all.  I was just saying to Russell Monday afternoon before our big fight that I need a new boy that smokes though, so there could be some good benefits out of this one.
Well this morning, I came out of my bedroom about 11:30am and was greated with a look from Russell. I asked what was that about and he said last night with neighbor guy was not cool. Chloe walked in and so we finished our conversation via text. As it turns out he wasn't pissed that I did him, but that he was home as I stated earlier. I told him I was really sorry and honestly had no idea how it all happened. Here's his text reply to me.
"When a boy and a girl love each other very much they want to make a baby. It starts by kissing in a dark kitchen where the girl's husband is bound to walk through and ends in her bedroom where he is just as likely to hear the baby being made. That's the miracle of love!"
I have to say Russell is a funny, funny man. If he didn't get up to pee every 5 seconds, he wouldn't hear and see so much around the house at night. This morning when I went into his bathroom to get some Advil, he pointed out the giant hickeys on my neck. Crap! I hope they fade before work on Monday and my interview on Tuesday! So now it's 1:30pm and I'm still laying around in bed feeling like ass. I finally ate, but it hasn't helped much. I'm thinking of at least moving to the couch now so I can watch TV. Russell took Chloe out for ice cream b/c she let us both sleep until 11am and then she's going to a friend's house this afternoon, thankfully!


  1. If you read the bottle, your not suppose to mix xanax and alcohol....that was the problem.

  2. Yes I know you're not supposed to mix the two, but technically I'm also not supposed to smoke pot and take pills that aren't prescribed to me either...clearly I have some issues. ;)