Somebody is a Cheeseburger Short of a Happy Meal
On Wednesday, I got a phone call from Truck Driver. The conversation started with him asking me for some career advice because he accepted a new job and was having trouble working out a notice at his current one. Anyways, we talked about that for a few minutes then he asked me how ‘my buddy’ was doing. To which I replied, “Which one?” (I honestly wasn’t sure what he meant, my bff? my ex that he knows?) That response threw him for a loop and he said “Damn how many do you have?” Then I realized he was talking about The Barber – Truck Driver knows of The Barber but doesn’t actually know who he is or the extent of our relationship/history etc. During our last booty call (on Miranda’s bday) I decided to go ahead and tell Truck Driver that I was having sex with someone else that I actually had feelings for – really I was trying to assure him that our sexual escapades would be just that and that my feelings weren’t going to get involved. We talked about protection, etc. and he seemed fine with it. Why he decided to ask me about it during our phone conversation is beyond me.
Then the conversation turned to sex. He said he wished we could have sex; this completely confused me because I was thinking ‘Um we can. Just ask me you idiot.’ To make it even more confusing, the way he said it I assumed he was on the road. No, he was literally 20 minutes from his apartment and was on his way there. Somehow or another I’m not sure how (I was so bewildered by his weirdness) we agreed to meet at his apartment at 6:30 that evening. We pulled into the parking lot at about the same time and headed upstairs to his place. I was sort of in a hurry because I’m pet-sitting right now and needed to go let the dogs out. Meanwhile, Truck Driver is dilly dallying around in no particular hurry. Finally, I just started unbuttoning my pants and walked into his bedroom – it worked and he followed me in saying something like ‘Damn you just want to get straight to the bedroom don’t you’ to which I replied ‘Yes, I’m in a hurry.’ Here’s where the craziness level drastically increases.
Before we even started having sex he asked me if he could video it on his phone. As I began objecting he promised he would only film the act itself (I’m trying not to be too vulgar here but I hope you get what I mean) and not either of our faces or even body parts. He claimed he wanted to have it to watch on the road. I relented, only because by this point we had started having sex and I guess you could say I was in the heat of the moment – karma saved me and there wasn’t enough light to see so he gave up (I checked the phone to be sure there was no footage). Then the dirty talk started but it was nothing out of the ordinary, he’s pretty much a freak and I like that about him. We moved from the bedroom into the living room and after some brief moments on the couch we ended up doing it standing up in the middle of the living room. Truck Driver then says to me, as we are actively having sex, ‘This is going to sound crazy. I want to have sex with you AND McKayla (my roommate and bff who he has met 1 time). It’s always been my fantasy.’ I almost passed out from shock right then and there. Really man? You think the best time to pose this question is while we are having sex on a freaking Wednesday afternoon? I told him no emphatically and said he must have me mistaken for a whore. I guess the whole sex with no strings attached thing is really blowing his mind and he’s decided that I must be a slut if I can handle that type of arrangement.
After that madness, we continued having sex for a minute or so. I know, I should have stopped at that point but to be honest I was enjoying myself. His phone rang almost immediately after we stopped so he started yapping away and I went outside to smoke a cigarette. I immediately texted both McKayla and Miranda to tell them what had just happened and to make sure I wasn’t trapped in a parallel universe. They both agreed it was crazy and neither could come up with a logical explanation for his timing or even the request itself. I finished my smoke and went inside but Truck Driver was still on the phone, butt naked lol. I motioned to him that I had to go…….wait for it………he then proceeded to grab my face and plant a big ass kiss on my lips! Ok, maybe not so weird but in this situation it was EXTREMELY weird. Truck Driver has never kissed me like that before (when I say never I mean like never, not even when we were hanging out everyday, it was actually one of the red flags I noticed that made me realize he must not be that into me). All the days and nights we spent together when we first started hanging out and I was lucky to get a peck on the cheek, even during sex he wouldn’t kiss me on the mouth. During our last booty call nothing, no peck on the cheek no hug no nothing.
It took me by so much surprise that I was virtually frozen and somehow decided that the appropriate response would be to awkwardly peck kiss him on his shoulder lol.
I made a quick exit and haven’t talked to him since. I’m not sure how I’m going to handle our next interaction and if I’m going to mention the whole threesome idea and how it freaked me out or if I should just pretend it never happened (aka pull a Miranda!) and hope he doesn’t bring it up again. I may just cut him off completely, I guess it all depends on what kind of mood I’m in when he contacts me. From the first time we met I told Miranda that Truck Driver was in his own little planet and that there was something just strange about him. Not scary strange just kind of weird or out there. I’m sort of secretly looking forward to what he may do next!
Moving on to another exciting topic, my blind date is tomorrow afternoon and I’m getting a little nervous about it. It’s not that I’m nervous about whether or not he’ll like me, I’m nervous about whether or not I’ll even give him a chance. One part of me totally wants a boyfriend and this guy seems like definite boyfriend material. He’s a country boy who used to race motocross professionally and now owns his own shop doing small engine repair. He is 34 and has manners, loves his family and owns his own home. In other words, this is the type of guy that falls fast and falls hard. My co-worker already told me he loves being in love and having someone to take care of. Don’t get me wrong, one part of me would love for that to happen but another part of me is scared to death of it. Not only because I’m not sure if I’m ready to end things with The Barber (I can’t help it, he still has a big old piece of my heart) but also because commitment totally freaks me out. Yes, I was in a 7 year relationship but I was terrified the entire time and if he would have asked me to marry him I’m not sure if I would have said yes. I love the concept but the reality….not so much. Looking back, I think the only reason I stayed with The Ex for so long was because I knew deep down that it wasn’t going to work out. We couldn’t get married – my family would’ve gone crazy since he was half-black and half-Indian. In order for us to get married, I would’ve had to basically write off my entire family (with the exception of a couple open-minded cousins) and even some of my friends. I’m ashamed to say I wasn’t willing to do that for him and he knew it. It was a big stumbling block in our relationship to say the least.
I’ve started a similar pattern with The Barber. When I’m completely honest with myself, I know he isn’t going to be ready to settle down anytime soon. He has two little girls and two baby mamas to start. He was only broken up with the mother of his youngest daughter for 3 months when we met. He’s told me straight up that he is difficult to be in a relationship with and that it took him a long time to work up to that with his baby’s mother – they were together five years but not bf/gf the whole time. He has it in him I’m sure of that, but I’m also sure it won’t be for at least a few more years.
So that brings me back to tomorrow’s blind date. I’m going to try my best to be open-minded and just go with the flow. If I really like him and he really likes me I guess I can cross that bridge when I get to it. I think I need to get some advice from Miranda on this one, she seems to have encountered quite a few stage five clingers recently and she’s made it out in one piece.
-Gwyn
Then the conversation turned to sex. He said he wished we could have sex; this completely confused me because I was thinking ‘Um we can. Just ask me you idiot.’ To make it even more confusing, the way he said it I assumed he was on the road. No, he was literally 20 minutes from his apartment and was on his way there. Somehow or another I’m not sure how (I was so bewildered by his weirdness) we agreed to meet at his apartment at 6:30 that evening. We pulled into the parking lot at about the same time and headed upstairs to his place. I was sort of in a hurry because I’m pet-sitting right now and needed to go let the dogs out. Meanwhile, Truck Driver is dilly dallying around in no particular hurry. Finally, I just started unbuttoning my pants and walked into his bedroom – it worked and he followed me in saying something like ‘Damn you just want to get straight to the bedroom don’t you’ to which I replied ‘Yes, I’m in a hurry.’ Here’s where the craziness level drastically increases.
Before we even started having sex he asked me if he could video it on his phone. As I began objecting he promised he would only film the act itself (I’m trying not to be too vulgar here but I hope you get what I mean) and not either of our faces or even body parts. He claimed he wanted to have it to watch on the road. I relented, only because by this point we had started having sex and I guess you could say I was in the heat of the moment – karma saved me and there wasn’t enough light to see so he gave up (I checked the phone to be sure there was no footage). Then the dirty talk started but it was nothing out of the ordinary, he’s pretty much a freak and I like that about him. We moved from the bedroom into the living room and after some brief moments on the couch we ended up doing it standing up in the middle of the living room. Truck Driver then says to me, as we are actively having sex, ‘This is going to sound crazy. I want to have sex with you AND McKayla (my roommate and bff who he has met 1 time). It’s always been my fantasy.’ I almost passed out from shock right then and there. Really man? You think the best time to pose this question is while we are having sex on a freaking Wednesday afternoon? I told him no emphatically and said he must have me mistaken for a whore. I guess the whole sex with no strings attached thing is really blowing his mind and he’s decided that I must be a slut if I can handle that type of arrangement.
After that madness, we continued having sex for a minute or so. I know, I should have stopped at that point but to be honest I was enjoying myself. His phone rang almost immediately after we stopped so he started yapping away and I went outside to smoke a cigarette. I immediately texted both McKayla and Miranda to tell them what had just happened and to make sure I wasn’t trapped in a parallel universe. They both agreed it was crazy and neither could come up with a logical explanation for his timing or even the request itself. I finished my smoke and went inside but Truck Driver was still on the phone, butt naked lol. I motioned to him that I had to go…….wait for it………he then proceeded to grab my face and plant a big ass kiss on my lips! Ok, maybe not so weird but in this situation it was EXTREMELY weird. Truck Driver has never kissed me like that before (when I say never I mean like never, not even when we were hanging out everyday, it was actually one of the red flags I noticed that made me realize he must not be that into me). All the days and nights we spent together when we first started hanging out and I was lucky to get a peck on the cheek, even during sex he wouldn’t kiss me on the mouth. During our last booty call nothing, no peck on the cheek no hug no nothing.
It took me by so much surprise that I was virtually frozen and somehow decided that the appropriate response would be to awkwardly peck kiss him on his shoulder lol.
I made a quick exit and haven’t talked to him since. I’m not sure how I’m going to handle our next interaction and if I’m going to mention the whole threesome idea and how it freaked me out or if I should just pretend it never happened (aka pull a Miranda!) and hope he doesn’t bring it up again. I may just cut him off completely, I guess it all depends on what kind of mood I’m in when he contacts me. From the first time we met I told Miranda that Truck Driver was in his own little planet and that there was something just strange about him. Not scary strange just kind of weird or out there. I’m sort of secretly looking forward to what he may do next!
Moving on to another exciting topic, my blind date is tomorrow afternoon and I’m getting a little nervous about it. It’s not that I’m nervous about whether or not he’ll like me, I’m nervous about whether or not I’ll even give him a chance. One part of me totally wants a boyfriend and this guy seems like definite boyfriend material. He’s a country boy who used to race motocross professionally and now owns his own shop doing small engine repair. He is 34 and has manners, loves his family and owns his own home. In other words, this is the type of guy that falls fast and falls hard. My co-worker already told me he loves being in love and having someone to take care of. Don’t get me wrong, one part of me would love for that to happen but another part of me is scared to death of it. Not only because I’m not sure if I’m ready to end things with The Barber (I can’t help it, he still has a big old piece of my heart) but also because commitment totally freaks me out. Yes, I was in a 7 year relationship but I was terrified the entire time and if he would have asked me to marry him I’m not sure if I would have said yes. I love the concept but the reality….not so much. Looking back, I think the only reason I stayed with The Ex for so long was because I knew deep down that it wasn’t going to work out. We couldn’t get married – my family would’ve gone crazy since he was half-black and half-Indian. In order for us to get married, I would’ve had to basically write off my entire family (with the exception of a couple open-minded cousins) and even some of my friends. I’m ashamed to say I wasn’t willing to do that for him and he knew it. It was a big stumbling block in our relationship to say the least.
I’ve started a similar pattern with The Barber. When I’m completely honest with myself, I know he isn’t going to be ready to settle down anytime soon. He has two little girls and two baby mamas to start. He was only broken up with the mother of his youngest daughter for 3 months when we met. He’s told me straight up that he is difficult to be in a relationship with and that it took him a long time to work up to that with his baby’s mother – they were together five years but not bf/gf the whole time. He has it in him I’m sure of that, but I’m also sure it won’t be for at least a few more years.
So that brings me back to tomorrow’s blind date. I’m going to try my best to be open-minded and just go with the flow. If I really like him and he really likes me I guess I can cross that bridge when I get to it. I think I need to get some advice from Miranda on this one, she seems to have encountered quite a few stage five clingers recently and she’s made it out in one piece.
-Gwyn
HAHAHA! Awkward shoulder peck. Hilarious imagining that scene in my head. Truck Driver is definitely one of a kind that's for sure. I would definitely "pull a Miranda" next time and pretend none of the weird stuff happened. I find avoidance works wonders in these situations.
ReplyDeleteI can't wait to get the blow by blow of meeting Motorcross. Thank God for texting! At least you have distance between where you guys live unlike me and Cabana Boy who I think I've sent into a tailspin of depression. SoCo told me the other night they are all a little worried about him. Mind you he said this as we were laying in bed after having sex LOL!