Yes Mommy Dearest...
I feel like I’m going crazy. Not only am I in this judgmental zone from friends and family but I’m having the weirdest craving for a boyfriend lately. WTF!
First, the friends and family crap. You’ve read before that I’ve had some friends struggling with my choices/decisions but my family has been pretty “mums the word” about everything. And in large part, I don’t tell them much about what’s going on in my personal life outside of a few random mentions of dates and such. I do this in large part because I'm pretty private (lol well except for this blog) about my private life and because I don't want them to ever feel like they are in-between me and Duckie anymore than they have to be. I did tell my mom a big about Flyboy because I thought she’d think he’s really cute and him having my dad’s name and all. Plus I haven’t mentioned anything to her in a while about boys, though she does know I was/am dating Lawyer Boy and College Crush.
Anyways, yesterday on my first freaking day back from Hawaii she calls me up and pretty much blasts me. First it was because I told her I’d really consider living in Hawaii if I could work out something suitable custody wise about the kids. I had actually texted her that I wanted to live there while I was still at Jules’ house and apparently that coupled with other random stressful things set her off. So she blasted me for even considering moving away then moved on to this whole perception thing that sounded exactly like what the crazy church lady told me about Facebook. I tried my best not to get snippy with my mom because honestly, she’s a great mom but she’s also batshit crazy. My dad was always the filter between us and my mom and living away from them all those years, I never got to experience the crazy firsthand. So I placated her for a while and then eventually just had to draw the line in the sand with her.
She told me I never want to spend time with her, never tell her what’s going on in my life, and never confide in her. I told her she never asks me to do anything and never asks what’s going on in my life. I wanted to say too that I never confided in her before so why would I start now but I kept that little dagger to myself. I told her she needs to ask questions if she wants to know what’s going on. I’ve sworn to her and my sister that if things were bothering me I’d talk to them about it. But honestly, 99% of my time now nothing is bothering me. I’m not sitting around agonizing about my choices anymore, I’m making the most of the time I have these days.
She also told me above all else I have to remember that first and foremost I’m a mother. I wanted to give her the big WTF does that come from but again I held my tongue. I told her I was many things besides a mom. And honestly, I’ve never considered myself first and foremost a mother. Being a mom is part of who I am, not my whole identity. The first thing that comes out of my mouth when I meet someone new is not, “Hello. I’m a mom.” That might be her 1950s identity but it sure isn’t mine and I bet it’s not for most of the girls of my generation. Anyways, she clearly knew she had made me mad/upset and got off the phone rather quickly only to text me a big long apology a few minutes later.
Sadly this is her special brand of crazy. She flies off the handle, is ugly and mean, then apologizes, then freezes you out for a couple of weeks. Oh well…
In boy news, I don’t know if it’s the jetlag, hormones, or what but ever since I went to Hawaii I’ve been battling these weird cravings for a boyfriend. But at the same time I don’t want to stop the hooching around I’ve been doing. Weird! Honestly, in a lot of ways it’s sort of like College Crush is my boyfriend (much to the delightful teasing from Gwyn and Jules). We text a hell of a lot, he’s clearly been mushy with me, and if we lived in the same town I think he’d be pushing for the boyfriend title. So in some aspects I do get that “boyfriend” feeling from him. SoCo is sort of getting like that too.
The day I came home from Hawaii, I meet College Crush for lunch and we were supposed to hang out that afternoon but he had a meeting he couldn’t get out of. So I came home after lunch and then hung out with SoCo that evening and even let him spend the night. He's a very restful, peaceful person to be around. It didn’t even strike me as funny that I had two “dates” in one day and it was the very day I got home from Hawaii until this morning. Double-booking when I’m jetlagged is pretty impressive LOL. Flyboy is the deal though I tell you what. He told me he’s moving to NC for good soon and I cannot freaking wait. He just does it for me I tell you what. I can’t wait to spend more time with him.
Last of the MVP’s is Lawyer Boy. I don’t know what to do about him. He’s in the final two weeks till the Bar exam and I know he’s totally absorbed and focused so in some ways I don’t even want to text him, mostly because I know there’s about a 75% chance he wont’ even text back which will annoy me in the long run. What do you think I should do? Text him or no? I’m not expecting us to get together until after the Bar though he told me before Hawaii he wanted to at least go out to dinner or something when I got home. Just don’t know what to do about him. I like him, a lot, but sometimes it feels like it’s too much work with him, and I certainly don’t want to feel like anyone’s mother!
Whatever! That’s pretty much my general attitude at the moment. Though I am already planning my next trip to Hawaii and I’m bringing Jules and Josie with me! Hawaii will really never be the same! And I’ll admit right here and now I’ve already casually looked for jobs and housing LOL!
Miranda
PS – Ever since that work concert where Duckie came with a date, things have been remarkably smooth and easy with him and we’ve even had to interact a lot lately because of things with the kids. Weird! Hopefully it will keep going that way though I’m waiting for the other shoe to drop and things to go back to hellish any day now!
First, the friends and family crap. You’ve read before that I’ve had some friends struggling with my choices/decisions but my family has been pretty “mums the word” about everything. And in large part, I don’t tell them much about what’s going on in my personal life outside of a few random mentions of dates and such. I do this in large part because I'm pretty private (lol well except for this blog) about my private life and because I don't want them to ever feel like they are in-between me and Duckie anymore than they have to be. I did tell my mom a big about Flyboy because I thought she’d think he’s really cute and him having my dad’s name and all. Plus I haven’t mentioned anything to her in a while about boys, though she does know I was/am dating Lawyer Boy and College Crush.
Anyways, yesterday on my first freaking day back from Hawaii she calls me up and pretty much blasts me. First it was because I told her I’d really consider living in Hawaii if I could work out something suitable custody wise about the kids. I had actually texted her that I wanted to live there while I was still at Jules’ house and apparently that coupled with other random stressful things set her off. So she blasted me for even considering moving away then moved on to this whole perception thing that sounded exactly like what the crazy church lady told me about Facebook. I tried my best not to get snippy with my mom because honestly, she’s a great mom but she’s also batshit crazy. My dad was always the filter between us and my mom and living away from them all those years, I never got to experience the crazy firsthand. So I placated her for a while and then eventually just had to draw the line in the sand with her.
She told me I never want to spend time with her, never tell her what’s going on in my life, and never confide in her. I told her she never asks me to do anything and never asks what’s going on in my life. I wanted to say too that I never confided in her before so why would I start now but I kept that little dagger to myself. I told her she needs to ask questions if she wants to know what’s going on. I’ve sworn to her and my sister that if things were bothering me I’d talk to them about it. But honestly, 99% of my time now nothing is bothering me. I’m not sitting around agonizing about my choices anymore, I’m making the most of the time I have these days.
She also told me above all else I have to remember that first and foremost I’m a mother. I wanted to give her the big WTF does that come from but again I held my tongue. I told her I was many things besides a mom. And honestly, I’ve never considered myself first and foremost a mother. Being a mom is part of who I am, not my whole identity. The first thing that comes out of my mouth when I meet someone new is not, “Hello. I’m a mom.” That might be her 1950s identity but it sure isn’t mine and I bet it’s not for most of the girls of my generation. Anyways, she clearly knew she had made me mad/upset and got off the phone rather quickly only to text me a big long apology a few minutes later.
Sadly this is her special brand of crazy. She flies off the handle, is ugly and mean, then apologizes, then freezes you out for a couple of weeks. Oh well…
In boy news, I don’t know if it’s the jetlag, hormones, or what but ever since I went to Hawaii I’ve been battling these weird cravings for a boyfriend. But at the same time I don’t want to stop the hooching around I’ve been doing. Weird! Honestly, in a lot of ways it’s sort of like College Crush is my boyfriend (much to the delightful teasing from Gwyn and Jules). We text a hell of a lot, he’s clearly been mushy with me, and if we lived in the same town I think he’d be pushing for the boyfriend title. So in some aspects I do get that “boyfriend” feeling from him. SoCo is sort of getting like that too.
The day I came home from Hawaii, I meet College Crush for lunch and we were supposed to hang out that afternoon but he had a meeting he couldn’t get out of. So I came home after lunch and then hung out with SoCo that evening and even let him spend the night. He's a very restful, peaceful person to be around. It didn’t even strike me as funny that I had two “dates” in one day and it was the very day I got home from Hawaii until this morning. Double-booking when I’m jetlagged is pretty impressive LOL. Flyboy is the deal though I tell you what. He told me he’s moving to NC for good soon and I cannot freaking wait. He just does it for me I tell you what. I can’t wait to spend more time with him.
Last of the MVP’s is Lawyer Boy. I don’t know what to do about him. He’s in the final two weeks till the Bar exam and I know he’s totally absorbed and focused so in some ways I don’t even want to text him, mostly because I know there’s about a 75% chance he wont’ even text back which will annoy me in the long run. What do you think I should do? Text him or no? I’m not expecting us to get together until after the Bar though he told me before Hawaii he wanted to at least go out to dinner or something when I got home. Just don’t know what to do about him. I like him, a lot, but sometimes it feels like it’s too much work with him, and I certainly don’t want to feel like anyone’s mother!
Whatever! That’s pretty much my general attitude at the moment. Though I am already planning my next trip to Hawaii and I’m bringing Jules and Josie with me! Hawaii will really never be the same! And I’ll admit right here and now I’ve already casually looked for jobs and housing LOL!
Miranda
PS – Ever since that work concert where Duckie came with a date, things have been remarkably smooth and easy with him and we’ve even had to interact a lot lately because of things with the kids. Weird! Hopefully it will keep going that way though I’m waiting for the other shoe to drop and things to go back to hellish any day now!
Your mom obviously feels threatened by the thought of you leaving and is lashing out. I think she will calm down. Also PLEASE don't write off Lawyer Boy- I think once he passes the bar he will be some serious boyfriend material. :)
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