Monday, July 19, 2010

Holy Hell! AKA The Day Team Miranda Potentially Implodes

I don’t even know how to start this post. Yesterday was a cosmic slam-dunk in the drama department. Maybe it was karma biting me, no kicking the hell out of my ass, for proclaiming Saturday night to be a waste of freedom. It’s gonna be a long post, so buckle up and hold on for dear life.

It all started so innocently. A day filled with hours lounging by the pool improving upon my already dark Hawaiian Tropic tan. A few hours of peace and quite go by with minimal texting between me and College Crush and me and Soco. Lots of hilarious texting with Gwyn as usual. Then Cabana Boy shows up. I have been sick of the whole moping and awkwardness so I put forth a brave smile and chatted him up. Then out comes Pool John. I’m sandwiched between the two of them when Soco goes insane. I had invited him over to swim and he hemmed, hawed, and finally declined. I asked him what was up, that’s like three times now he has bailed on hanging out.

I got back these rambling texts about not wanting some accounting for his time and being free and that I’m a great girl and he wants me to be his friend. I asked what in the world he was talking about and he said that our personalities were on opposite ends of the spectrum. Huh? About this point I’m figuring he’s on Quaaludes or something cause he’s making no sense. I told him he’d utterly confused me and I thought we were just hanging out and having fun. To this I got a response of he has a 100 people like that in his life and he’s a “1 man wolf pack.” WHAT? He’s seriously high. I said ok, but you’re the one who said you wanted to date me; I was just following your lead. He then said he didn’t want a serious relationship and that he’s busy, blah, blah. What? I didn’t ask him to be in a relationship! Finally, I just said I was cool with whatever but that I was extremely confused. His final text, “I said my peace. Don’t want to argue or have drama.” Were we having two separate conversations here? I’m seriously thinking he’s delusional. Ok Soco. Whatever you want! I’m voting you off the Isle of Miranda. Weird! During this conversation, I should note that Pool John tells me how much Cabana Boy likes me and Cabana Boy tells me how much Pool John likes me. WTF???

So shortly after that weirdness College Crush is texting me. Now about this time me and my pool buddies started drinking. At some point in my texting conversation with College Crush, we made a wager about who drinks more in a week’s time. He said something about no cheating, and I made the stupid mistake of saying I’m not a cheater anymore. Of course, this piqued his attention and he asked what I meant. I told him the bare minimum about Sawyer and then he asked if I’d been seeing other guys. Ummmmmmm, did I start being his girlfriend without knowing it??? I debated on what to say and ultimately said no but you know I go out a lot and stuff. Just felt like this was a conversation that needed to be done face to face not over text. So he tells me he’s not seeing anyone either and he knows we’ve not talking about anything relationship wise and we’ve got the whole distance thing. He even referenced my alibi for my Friday night date with Nerd Boy and called me out on his name being a girl or guy’s name. Guess College Crush is really keeping close tabs on me at this point. At this point, I’m freaking out a little and my phone is getting really low on the battery.

So then, Pool John and Cabana Boy start talking about recreational activities, as in illegal recreational activities. Somehow, it comes up in conversation that I have a connection to these activities through Gwyn’s Barber. Next thing I know I’m coordinating a deal and realizing that mine and Gwyn’s worlds are colliding. It’s about 7:30ish at this point, so I’ve had a full 8 hours of pool time and about six beers. So Cabana Boy goes trotting off to meet up with the Barber to procure these recreational activities. I’m sitting at the pool with Pool John who now tells me how hurt he was the night I went and hooked up with Soco. What? Something else was said and I realized that despite their chumminess, neither Soco nor Cabana Boy has told anyone about us hooking up. I guess some guys do have manners after all.

Anyways. We pack up and head to our respective places to shower up and change. My phone has completely died at this point so I plug it in to charge up while I shower. Of course, as soon as I plug it in it explodes with messages from College Crush asking if I’m still hanging out and who I’m with. I tell him I’m showering and that I was hanging out with my guy friends by the pool and we are reconvening to hang out a little more. Which is all true because I was going over to Cabana Boy’s apartment for the recreational activities and he said some friends were coming over there too. Everything seems fine and good.

Cabana Boy gets back from meeting the Barber and I head over to his place. I’m gonna admit I had on a very low cut dress that showed off my lovely tan lines to the best of its ability. So I get up to Cabana Boy’s place and voila, no friends just us and the recreational activities. Okayyyyy. So whatever, we actually hashed out the weirdness between us and we were just hanging out and recreational activitying in a way I’ve never before lol. It was quite fun and exciting causing me to multi-texts Josie, Gwyn, and Jules. Then the texts from College Crush start up. I bet for about 2 hours he texted me every 20 minutes asking if I was home yet. Each time I told him no, I was hanging out with my friends. Everything seemed ok still. Incidentally, Cabana Boy told me how much he is attracted to me and asked if I wanted to make out. I said no LOL! He even straight out asked me if I’d slept with Soco to which I said no.

Then, bear with me for the humiliation I’m potentially about to unleash, Cabana Boy tells me we need to talk about something. Apparently, about a week after the first time we hooked up he went to the DR and was diagnosed with Chlamydia. HOLY HELL! He starts going into detail about symptoms and how he’s been wanting to tell me and blah, blah, blah. Meanwhile my brain is spinning around inside my head thinking of the people I’ve been with in recent weeks and if we used protection or not. I do try to be a safety girl but I’m not the best, especially if drinking is involved. Henceforth, I will be the condom queen though. Seriously. I already have a cache in my purse and I’ll never leave home without them again. EVER! Cabana Boy tells me he hasn’t been with a girl in about six months before me so I probably need to be tested. Um, no shit Sherlock! So despite the more than shocking news I’ve had enough alcohol and recreational activity that I stayed entirely calm on the outside though I was freaking on the inside. Furious texting with Jules and Gwyn commenced. Then things got weird with College Crush!

I had told him about the recreational activity part cause I wanted to be honest and then he seemed like he was mad at me. I asked why and after some jockeying back and forth, I realized he wasn’t mad about the recreational activity part at all. I guess he was pissed that I was hanging out with guys? He essentially refused to talk about it via text and said we’d talk today about it.

After that little drama and the freaking out about what Cabana Boy told me, we did end up making out and eventually having sex. I know stupid! But we did use protection! And honestly, I think I was in shock from all the drama of the day. Afterwards I told him I needed to go and he walked me home. Today he’s blown up my phone with texts. I mean seriously dude. I should know better than to play with a stage 5 clinger. I might need to invest in a taser.

So despite my close to 18 years of having sex and never catching an STD even through playing Russian roulette with an array of boys and never using a condom in high school or college, I may have my very first STD. It’s humiliating and embarrassing. Not necessarily because I may have one but because I freaking know better and I’m a grown ass woman! So I humbly drug myself to the urgent care center this morning and requested to be tested. No way was I going to my family DR. They were incredibly nice to me and made me feel much better. So now, I sit on pins and needles until sometime tomorrow when the magic phone call will happen and I’ll either do a dance of joy, or figure out how to tell whatever guys I have to tell that they need to be checked too.

This has serious implications to blow Team Miranda to hell and back. I went through the blog today and meticulously made note of every guy, when we were together, and if we used protection or not. Thankfully, it’s not as many as it could be but it’s more than it should be. Thankfully too, College Crush and Flyboy and I have always used protection so at least they will be protected from the potential fallout.

College Crush did finally text me this morning and said we’d talk about “it” this evening but it might be late because he has some plans. If he’s seriously pissed because I was hanging out with my guy friends I’m going to blow him to hell and back. He will never know what hit him.

Somehow, I think this experience will be a game changer for me. I think I need a few days to marinate on it and think about my behavior as of late. Clearly, I’ve fallen into a pattern of excess and I’m not sure it’s the best thing for me. I seriously have a drama hangover today. Yesterday was too much, way too much. I’ll let you know what I hear from the DR tomorrow.



  1. Yeah, that's always the potential fall-out and why you need to keep safe. Also, seriously, even if a guy does use protection during the actual act, if there was any oral going your way you need to tell them because they still might have caught it. I would ask the doc to make sure. Anyway, say no to pool rats! LOL

  2. I am really pissed at myself for being careless. It's one thing to do it when you're young and stupid but like I said, I'm a grown ass woman! Plus, I'm really pissed that he's known for more than a month and didn't tell me. OMG if I could take back yesterday I'd have abandoned my tanning priorities and spent the day holed up in bed alone!


  3. At least you know though - imagine if he hadn't told you!!! I mean I think he's a douche, but still...better late than never!