Monday, April 26, 2010

It's Raining Men

Boys boys everywhere. I don’t know what to do with myself. Let me give you the latest man-team updates.

First, Army Boy is officially off the team. He got a DUI last Thursday, totaled his bike and ended up spending the night in the emergency room. I think it’s safe to say this little soldier has a drinking problem and I want nothing to do with it. I haven’t communicated with him at all since he told me about the DUI and I think he’s gotten the hint.

So that was Thursday…..on Friday I woke up to a message on Facebook from an old college fling. By old college fling I mean a guy I had sex with a few times, one of those times being while he was dating my friend. I hadn’t heard from him since we were about 21 or so and found it odd that he sent me a random message at 2:45am. I agreed to give him my phone number so we started texting. I found out why I hadn’t heard from him in awhile – he’s been in prison!!!! I didn’t ask details but he told me it was for ‘drugs and guns’. Now, don’t get me wrong I like guns and drugs just not when you throw the prison part in the mix. This guy, I’ll call him The Inmate, is now blowing up my phone. On Saturday night he sent me a voice file of some love song and told me to pretend it was him singing to me. Oh, I forgot to mention he is doing all this from the halfway house where he is staying.

Moving on to Saturday……..I did a charity walk in the morning, all the while receiving endless texts from The Inmate. Afterwards, I talked to Truck Driver who told me he was going to watch the basketball games with the guys but he wanted me to come over early in the AM on Sunday so we could hang out before my soccer game. And then it happened. I got a call from a number I didn’t recognize and something told me to answer it. It was The Barber. The Barber is my most recent ex - recent meaning I broke it off with him via text message about 3 weeks ago. To be completely honest, I am still in love with The Barber, like really in love. But that’s a totally different post. Long story short he came over Saturday night….we talked…..drank.....and had totally amazing sex as we always do. He stayed the night and when he left gave me money (because I told him I was broke) left my roommate a bag and told me he really enjoyed seeing me and talking. This could be big trouble. Something about this guy makes me crazy. After he left in the morning I called Truck Driver and went over to his apartment for breakfast. Hi..my name is Gwyn and I’m a slut.

Rounding out the weekend was a date with Crossfit. He called me on Friday and we made tentative plans for a Sunday night date depending on how I felt after my soccer game. I got busy Googling him to try and find out more and I came across his MySpace page, more importantly I came across his MySpace pictures. OMG. This man has one of the most ripped bodies I have ever seen. Needless to say, once I saw the pictures I started freaking out. I felt like I wanted to get up and start doing sit ups and push ups and eating lettuce. I’m a pretty girl and I have a nice figure but compared to Crossfit I felt like a troll. I started texting Miranda in a panic. She was encouraging me…telling me I’m a hottie…..that his hotness would only serve to elevate mine…etc. I kept telling her “No. You don’t understand. Wait until you see the pictures.” Well, I’ll let Miranda speak for herself but once she saw the pics I got a text message saying she was still picking her jaw up off the ground. Finally, she understood. Fast forward to Sunday after my game and I called Crossfit to set up our date. He would come to pick me up (he lives about an hour away) and we would go grab some dinner. Then the panic set in. Thankfully, in times of girly panic I have my gay bff to turn to. I told him to meet me at my house at 6pm to make me beautiful. This is a drag queen people – the things he can do with hair and makeup blow my mind. So gay bff came to my rescue and made me into a prettier version of my tomboy self. In the middle of the process my phone rang…it was The Barber just calling to say hi and tell me he had fun last night, etc. He asked me what I was doing and I told him getting ready to go get something to eat. Then he told me he wanted to give me some more money because he doesn’t like me being stressed. I told you this could be trouble. Back to Crossfit. I had my glamour fairy and my roommate meet him when he got to my house and I waited upstairs. When I came down I was so nervous I could hardly speak. He was super hot. Think eight pack, biceps, tattoos, square jaw and gorgeous eyes. Then we headed out for our date (I’ll post later today with date details, it was very very awesome).

When I got home from the date I had to text Truck Driver and The Barber, per their requests. I also had two missed calls from The Inmate. You know what they say, when it rains it pours.



  1. Welcome to the slut club! Jules and I are proud to have you as a member! LOL Seriously, you're gonna need to start taking vitamins or energy drinks or something. Juggling boys is tiring!

  2. Had to add, Crossfit is blazing smoking on fire make you lightheaded hot. Like I was exhausted after working a 16 hour day and when I saw his pics, I was suddenly on high alert. I don't have enough adjectives in my vocabulary to say how off the chain his body is. He's got all the muscle cuts and divots. Even that uber-sexy hip cut that makes you want to trace it right down to his - ahem, well I'm gonna restrain myself since I am at work. Just take my word for it, Crossfit is the shit.

  3. Well aren't you busy! For what it's worth, I've had a lot of old friends who've done time, and they come out with some pretty weird obsessions. I don't want to make assumptions, because I know absolutely nothing about this guy other than what you've posted here, but be careful with The Inmate. Halfway homes are usually a really tough and transitional time in a person's life, and there's no telling what's going on in his head.

  4. Don't worry Diner Nighthawk, The Inmate will not get beyond the texting stage. I realized very quickly that prison seems to have made him a little crazy (when he asked me if I missed him during the 20min period he was in the shower and not texting..wtf!)