Wednesday, April 21, 2010

I'll Bust A Cap In Your Ass. Please do!

The other day Miranda and I were discussing the members of our respective man-teams and realized something that they all (or almost all) have in common. They are all packing....in more ways than one.

First we have Motorcycle Man. On his first date with Miranda he said he had a concealed weapons permit and carried a gun with him at all times. She didn’t believe him. On the second date, once they arrived at MM’s house the first thing he did was pull his gun out of the console of his truck – along with the two empty beer cans he had guzzled on the way home. That was only the beginning. He then took Miranda on a gun tour and showed her all his weapons. Two are in the kitchen and two are in his bedroom, one of those underneath his pillow.

Next is Lawyer Boy. Who knew a metrosexual could have such a manly side? Think Miami Vice circa 2010. Miranda asked him if he had a gun and he replied “Yes, do you want to see it?” They went into the bedroom and as Miranda sat on the bed he started pulling them out from his closet. Being the gentleman that he is, he unloaded all of the guns before showing them to her and then asked her if she would like to touch them. She politely declined and finally asked him to put them away. No, she didn’t want him to put them away due to fear or intimidation. She was simply too turned on by them.

Our third contestant in the gun show is the High School Crush. Miranda only discovered his penchant for firearms by stalking his Facebook page. One morning at work I got an email with three pictures of her High School Crush holding a rifle at his family reunion. I literally laughed out loud. Another guy another gun. Who would have guessed?

Next in the lineup is Army Boy. Not only does he ‘shoot big guns’ for a living he also has an M4 - it’s like an M16 but smaller and ‘you can shoot either a single bullet or three bullets with one pull of the trigger.’ Three bullets with one pull…interesting.

Our final contestant in the gun show is The Barber. You haven’t heard about him yet but he is my most recent ex. I ended things with him just last week when things started up with Truck Driver. One evening when he was at my house we were in the kitchen and I was pushed up against him and felt a bulge in his pants. And this didn’t feel like the normal bulge I was used to. I asked him about it and he proceeded to pull a pistol out of his pants. He got me to hold it and then told me about 3 other guns he owned. All I can say is that after I saw that gun things got a little heated ;)

Now what you need to understand is that both Miranda and I are adamantly opposed to private gun ownership. Miranda is so opposed she wouldn’t even let Duckie bring a BB gun into their house. I fought with The Ex many times about him wanting a gun permit and told him as long as he lived with me there would be no guns.

So how did two peace-loving girls become so aroused by cold, hard steel? Honestly, we’re not completely sure how this transformation occurred. But something about a man standing in front of you and asking you if you want to touch his gun is just so naughty but also so oh so nice. Does anyone else get that tingly feeling in your naughty parts when a man pulls out his weapon?

Gwyn & Miranda


  1. Maybe this is too simplistic, but it's no secret that women are often attracted to powerful men. For some, it's a man's job, or his career. Those are a bit more subtle, but a firearm is, quite literally, a symbol of power. On a more visceral (perhaps some would say, cruder) level, I wonder if the "cold, hard steel" isn't also "reminder" or something else that's hard that you gals like to play with.

  2. Can't say as I have this particular fetish. I appreciate the Doctor Who/MacGuyver/Danger Man type, who gets by on his wits alone. Maybe it's my Texas roots but I've known enough idiots with guns not to be turned on by them. Give me a man with a cold hard steel cocktail shaker instead! LOL

  3. I can say with absolute authority that until recently this has never been something I thought was hot. Guns still freak me out. I don't really want to touch them though all these hot boys offering is about to break me. I will admit the other night at MM's house, when he was sleeping on the couch and his gun was laying on the end table, I did reach out and semi-hold it. LOL. I didn't pick it up off the table but I totally wrapped my hand around it like I was going to.


  4. Hey, I'm a guy and I'M turned on by guys with guns hahaha. But MOST guys with guns I've met were dumb enough that their possession of one was actually a turn-off... especially when they neither need one nor know how to properly carry or use one.

    But a guy who goes to the range regularly, and perhaps has even taken a class or two on gun ownership? Well...

  5. Diner Nighthawk - maybe you've hit the nail on the head. All of these guys have some semblance of a brain. Not that they are all aces in the intelligence department, but they can at least hold a good conversation...


  6. For me personally, I think it has a lot to do with the feeling of being protected. I know that if there's a noise in the middle of the night I can go hide in the closet and he can go and practice his aim :)