SIGH

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Uggg, there has been little fun going on around here lately in Hawaii. Last Thursday I got the keys to the new house. It was a bit emotional for me. (It was also PMS week.) I totally want a divorce and my own room and my own space...but being in that house and knowing that this is the divorce house that I'm potentially going to live in for the next 3 years was a little heavy. I actually cried a good portion of the day (but again PMS week too). Russell was totally insensitive to this. I don't feel like going into it all, but he went out and I got pissed because I really needed him to be at home that night (just as my friend). We had a huge fight that basically lasted from Thursday night until Saturday morning. It's over and we had a great Easter today, but good Lord it sucked a lot those few days. I hate fighting. I hate fighting with him. I hate that he's such an asshole sometimes now. I feel like our friendship has really suffered through all of this and that's what currently is making me sad. I guess I just need to redefine how things are with us and move forward, but it's really hard to shift that paradigm when you've been married to someone for a decade.
Moving on though, Friday night I had a date. He's a nice guy, but I'm not attracted to him sexually at all. On a side note, he has 4 kids so even if I were sexually attracted to him...I could NEVER, EVER act on it. We went to a Mexican restaurant for a pitcher of margaritas and then over to a wine bar for several glasses of wine. It was a really fun date, but I had the mother of all hangovers Saturday morning. In a proud parenting moment, I woke up at 6:30am passed out on the couch in my clothes and makeup to Chloe asking me why I was sleeping out there. I mumbled something and went to my bed. I like talking to him, he's funny, but I'm just not hot for him at all. I may go out with him again because it's nice to have someone to do something with other than sex, but I'm not really feeling it. I'm just kind of chilling and thinking about me and where I want to be and what I want to do right now. Owen continues to fulfill my sex needs and he's well aware my birthday is Thursday and is prepared to provide some awesome birthday sex.
The big move is next Saturday...thankfully hormones should be in check.
-Jules

Comments

  1. Ethan LambertApril 5, 2010 at 3:10 PM

    Wow, it's all getting real now, isn't it? (Not to say that it wasn't before, but actual material changes always seem to slam home the scope of life changes for me). I'll keep my fingers crossed that your transition goes as smoothly as possible.

    ReplyDelete
  2. MirandaApril 5, 2010 at 3:12 PM

    It is hard. The real part of when things really start to change, it's a weird place to find yourself. Big hugs from NC to Hawaii! That being said, look at me now. A month out and I'm happier than I would have ever imagined in a million years. Hang in there Jules!

    ReplyDelete
  3. AnonymousApril 5, 2010 at 4:40 PM

    Thanks guys! I'm hanging in there with massive amts of alcohol, working out, and trying to stay focused on what are the most important things for Chloe and myself. I have days where I completely want to live with him and enjoy his company and I have days where I want to kill him and hide his body w/ the sharks.
    -Jules

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