Quit It
I'm hard to date...I know this. I'm a bitch...I want things done my way...I'm uber critical of others. I'm very Type A. I know ALL of this about me. Acceptance is the first step.
Mr. Chile came over tonight. We were actually supposed to go out last night, but I bailed on him after having a few glasses of wine with dinner and deciding that sleep was preferable to any other activity. So, I had told him that he could come over to the house tonight since Russell was working late. I've been chatting with him a lot and we had met before, so I felt ok about him coming to the house. Also an added benefit of the new house is that my neighbors are RIGHT outside my window...so if I ever need help I really don't even have to hardly raise my voice to ask for it. Anyway, here's how the "date" went tonight.
He arrives 10 minutes late (but he's South American and living in Hawaii...so whatever). He brought me a rose (nice touch) and a big ole bottle of some good tequila and mix. Big points scored here...really you can keep the flowers...alcohol and food are the way to my heart.
We spent a long time talking on the porch drinking margaritas. It starts getting late and I'm yawning...not because I'm bored but because I hiked in the sun for 5 hours today...it'll wear you out some. We came inside and he starts getting all frisky in the kitchen. I take him into my room and decide that I'll have sex with him again. Now, I must pause here to tell you that the following will be graphic but relevant to the story. I must also tell you that I wasn't totally all into having sex with him tonight, but sort of felt obligated because I did on the 1st date and because I thought I'd remembered it being pretty good. Another reason for my hesitation was because he told me during our porch chat that he wants to get remarried and have more kids...he's 45. His oldest daughter, who is 20, just had a baby...so he's a grandpa and wants to be a dad again...minus a lot of freaking points here in my book. I know a lot of women would swoon over this, but not me.
We get in bed and we start with some oral sex...he keeps doing this jumping/jerking thing when I'm blowing him...it's weird. Weird enough to the point where I stop to ask if there's a problem...I knew I wasn't hitting anything with my teeth, but I did want to make sure I wasn't causing him pain....apparently not, those were pleasure movements. Then, we start having sex after I have to force him to put on a condom...what is it with this generation of men that they aren't into condoms?? They all lived through the early 80s AIDS epidemic...you would think it had hit home...not so much it seems. Anyway, we get through that part and while we're having sex he repeatedly tells me he loves me. I met him on Tuesday. I'm sorry, but don't fucking tell me you love me. You might love fucking me, but really?? Love?? His English is limited, so I forgive this as a language barrier. Then he tells me after a very prolonged amount of time that he can't cum with a condom on and he's going to take it off to finish up....yeah, I don't think so. I had to tell him twice...once in a loud stern voice that no, no he wasn't. Now I'm just irritated with him. So, he stops and lays there all cuddled up against me where he proceeds to start licking me...he keeps sticking his tongue in my ear repeatedly (which is something I HATE), he starts licking my neck, and then he moves down and around. I won't be totally graphic, but he was licking every freaking square inch of me...sloppy like too. Ok, I can still get past that...until he starts telling me how great I smell and starts sniffing me...I mean like a dog searching for drugs kind of sniffing. I point out in my very obvious tone...you're sniffing me. I have to actually tell him to stop this activity as well. Then, he starts biting me...OMG seriously??? Dude, cut it the fuck out. He keeps asking if he should go and I keep saying yes, but he keeps staying and engaging in these weird behaviors until I finally get up and start moving around the house cleaning up. I actually had to tell him that I needed to go to sleep now and he had to go.
Bye Bye Mr. Chile...our brief time together was memorable, but not in the way it should be.
-Jules
Mr. Chile came over tonight. We were actually supposed to go out last night, but I bailed on him after having a few glasses of wine with dinner and deciding that sleep was preferable to any other activity. So, I had told him that he could come over to the house tonight since Russell was working late. I've been chatting with him a lot and we had met before, so I felt ok about him coming to the house. Also an added benefit of the new house is that my neighbors are RIGHT outside my window...so if I ever need help I really don't even have to hardly raise my voice to ask for it. Anyway, here's how the "date" went tonight.
He arrives 10 minutes late (but he's South American and living in Hawaii...so whatever). He brought me a rose (nice touch) and a big ole bottle of some good tequila and mix. Big points scored here...really you can keep the flowers...alcohol and food are the way to my heart.
We spent a long time talking on the porch drinking margaritas. It starts getting late and I'm yawning...not because I'm bored but because I hiked in the sun for 5 hours today...it'll wear you out some. We came inside and he starts getting all frisky in the kitchen. I take him into my room and decide that I'll have sex with him again. Now, I must pause here to tell you that the following will be graphic but relevant to the story. I must also tell you that I wasn't totally all into having sex with him tonight, but sort of felt obligated because I did on the 1st date and because I thought I'd remembered it being pretty good. Another reason for my hesitation was because he told me during our porch chat that he wants to get remarried and have more kids...he's 45. His oldest daughter, who is 20, just had a baby...so he's a grandpa and wants to be a dad again...minus a lot of freaking points here in my book. I know a lot of women would swoon over this, but not me.
We get in bed and we start with some oral sex...he keeps doing this jumping/jerking thing when I'm blowing him...it's weird. Weird enough to the point where I stop to ask if there's a problem...I knew I wasn't hitting anything with my teeth, but I did want to make sure I wasn't causing him pain....apparently not, those were pleasure movements. Then, we start having sex after I have to force him to put on a condom...what is it with this generation of men that they aren't into condoms?? They all lived through the early 80s AIDS epidemic...you would think it had hit home...not so much it seems. Anyway, we get through that part and while we're having sex he repeatedly tells me he loves me. I met him on Tuesday. I'm sorry, but don't fucking tell me you love me. You might love fucking me, but really?? Love?? His English is limited, so I forgive this as a language barrier. Then he tells me after a very prolonged amount of time that he can't cum with a condom on and he's going to take it off to finish up....yeah, I don't think so. I had to tell him twice...once in a loud stern voice that no, no he wasn't. Now I'm just irritated with him. So, he stops and lays there all cuddled up against me where he proceeds to start licking me...he keeps sticking his tongue in my ear repeatedly (which is something I HATE), he starts licking my neck, and then he moves down and around. I won't be totally graphic, but he was licking every freaking square inch of me...sloppy like too. Ok, I can still get past that...until he starts telling me how great I smell and starts sniffing me...I mean like a dog searching for drugs kind of sniffing. I point out in my very obvious tone...you're sniffing me. I have to actually tell him to stop this activity as well. Then, he starts biting me...OMG seriously??? Dude, cut it the fuck out. He keeps asking if he should go and I keep saying yes, but he keeps staying and engaging in these weird behaviors until I finally get up and start moving around the house cleaning up. I actually had to tell him that I needed to go to sleep now and he had to go.
Bye Bye Mr. Chile...our brief time together was memorable, but not in the way it should be.
-Jules
OMG I'm laughing so hard tears are running down my face and my kids keep asking to see why I'm laughing. First the saying I love you, then the licking, sniffing, and biting? Wow! Mr Chile is very special and not in a good way. Hilarious!!!!
ReplyDeleteIf I didn't know you had plenty of guys at your disposal, I'd feel really bad for you. But mostly, I'm just laughing along with Miranda. Seriously, WTF? I've had some bad experiences myself but...wow. I just hope you can get rid of him without too much trouble.
ReplyDeleteHoo! I was with a Brazilian girl once a long time ago, and it went an awful lot like that. I wonder if that's just how it is in South America? The "pleasure movements" thing cracks me up - were they just arbitrary spasms, or like "there is no difference between a throat and a vagina" spasms?
ReplyDeleteYou're absolutely right to kick him to the curb, for the bare backing pressure alone. You've got to wonder who this might have WORKED with. It's the 21st century and you're still relatively strangers. Disturbing.