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Thursday, August 4, 2011

Wake Me Up When August Ends


Universe, please calm down! I can’t take the chaos. It seems that everyone has gone insane lately, myself included. Miranda and I were texting today and she said Mercury is retrograde or something until the end of the month....great. 
I think I really have figured out the Gavin thing. I would be hurt if he started seeing someone else if he and the gf ever do actually break up, but I don’t think in the light of day that I’m in love with him. I love things about him, but I know in the end he’s not good for me. I just had a kind of panic attack over the possibility of losing him. What I’ve realized is that I’ve developed a co-dependent relationship with him that allows me to have all of my needs fulfilled without putting forth very much (OK, any) effort on my end. It’s not a healthy thing and it’s not fair to either of us, but since we’re both pretty damn happy with it I’m going to keep it going for now. He swears that next summer he and his son are going to stay on the East Coast. I’m here to tell you all that the ex will never, ever let that happen, but he’s thinking in the short term right now anyway.
I have no freaking clue what my life is going to be like next summer when I finish this Masters program. I mean no clue. I know that until I finish school and move away from Russell, I’m in no place to have a “normal” relationship beyond what I’ve established for myself now with Gavin. I don’t think it’s appropriate for me to have someone that I call a bf, when I have an 8 year old daughter at home and for all intents and purposes her parents are still married. I need to tread lightly in that department because I honestly don’t want to parade a bunch of men in and out of her life and she’s very impressionable right now. Like it or not as her mother, I’ll always be her female relationship role model…poor kid. Likewise, she knows Gavin currently has a gf and I think it’s also highly inappropriate for her to know that we are anything more than friends at this point as well, hence why I won’t let him stay over in my bed when she’s home (or really even touch me period in front of her).  Ok perspective restored…mostly.
It also helped immensely regarding perspective that I saw Owen this morning before work. He texted me last night to see if he could come over this morning. We sexted for a while before bed and he was over bright and early! I was lying face down on the bed with my glass toy and cumming when he walked in. I had tried to hold off and wait for him, but I let go right as he pulled into my driveway and just kept going as he walked in. He came over and started playing with my ass cheeks. He loves to rub them and spread them so that he can see me. He asked if he could enter me with the toy still inside and he instantly started to moan as he fucked me and I kept fucking myself with the toy. It was super intense! I soaked us and then he went into my ass. I was on a crazy time limit because of work, so he came super fast (for him) in my ass, all while I kept the glass toy deep inside of me. After he filled me with his cum, he laid inside me as I had one final, huge orgasm!
We jumped up and hit the shower. I climbed in after him and he put me in his arms, grabbed the soap, and  bathed every inch of me. It was sooooo sensual. He was kissing me and pinching my soapy nipples. I swear if I wasn’t responsible, I’d have called into work and just laid in bed with him for as long as humanly possible. Alas, I really had to go so I enjoyed the hell out of the moment and then got out to get dressed again. One thing I will look forward to if he leaves is being able to not rush with him and to spend much longer moments soaking in our sexual chemistry. I still don’t want him to leave his kids if there is any way for him to make peace with his home life, but if he does leave...I am starting to think of the benefits for me. Yes, I’m a selfish whore. ;)
-Jules

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