Wednesday, August 10, 2011

Mad Men

I am completely and 100% LOVING this show. I mean loving it. It's late 50s-early 60s, sexist, stereotypical, NYC ad execs and it's fucking awesome. I am convinced that I have missed my era. Anyway, I heard a line tonight while engrossed in Season 1 between Donald Draper and his mistress. She says to him "I love being your fantasy". That is exactly how I feel about Owen. I love being his fantasy. I love knowing that he thinks about me and that he masturbates to memories of fucking me or pictures I send him. I love having someone be so completely sexually attracted to me that he frequently contacts me just  to let me know that he's thinking about me. I love being the happy place for him right now and making him feel good and building him up. It's the social worker in me, but since I found out how much she tears him down, I've worked really hard to be super positive and build him up.

I thought about him last night in class. Yes, it was because he sent me that hot text from the last post but it was also because we watched this video clip that Gavin showed me one day. It's about the hidden messages in water and how this Japanese Dr. wrote words on bottles of water and then looked at the water molecules under a microscope and noted the changes in them. He wrote thinks like "love", "thank you", etc and then things like "You make me sick and I want to kill you". The nice words were beautiful molecules and the hateful things were ugly and toxic looking. Here's the youtube link below to the clip Gavin showed me, but there are several versions. Anyway, the end part talks about how much of our bodies are made up of water and how words and thoughts can impact our molecular structure in what we hear, see, feel, and take in. It's super hippy, earthy crunchy, feel good crap, but it's pretty powerful and it made me think of what tearing someone down for years can do to them. On some level, I think I did that to Russell the last few years too. I've actually been super positive with him lately too. I'm trying to be a nicer person.


On a Gavin note, I talked to him today. He's trying to get a flight home on a buddy pass, but wasn't able to today so will likely be home tomorrow. He called and left a very sexual message on my phone this morning detailing all the hot, dirty things he wants to do to me when he gets here to include finishing things up with a cream pie in my kitty. I called him back and as we were hanging up he said "Ok, love you, bye". I was doing something as we were talking and I said "Uh huh, bye" and then it hit me seconds later what he'd said. It's not the first time he's said it, but it's the first time since I told him I have feelings for him. I'm not sitting around thinking about 'what does this mean?', 'why did he say that?', but I found it interesting all the same like now he's more free to express himself with me. Likewise, I also love  being his fantasy. I don't know how that would change if our relationship ever changed one day because if I've learned anything these past few years, it's that men rarely fantasize about their wives and long term girlfriends and I truly enjoy being the fantasy.


  1. I LOVE Mad Men!!! We can watch it together when I come I think I'm done with Season 1 so don't get too far ahead!!! I want to be a secretary and smoke cigarettes all day and gossip and then marry a rich ad man and move to the city!!!


  2. I love "Mad Men" too! I've been waiting for it to get to instant streaming on Netflix. Oh and I love being the fantasy too. I love it when a guy tells me he's never been with an asian girl. I feel like I'm fulfilling a fantasy of his. That's such a turn on!