Definitions

From Coach on Monday…

I wanted to try and explain how I started getting so distant before we broke up.  You said you didn't doubt that I loved you, well you are wrong I am still in love with you.  I know that for a fact now.  Anyway I started getting distant a couple of months ago because I wanted to move our relationship to the next level but when I thought about it I kept thinking that how could we get engaged or plan a future when I didn't know how long I would be up here.  I also felt like I almost duped you in the beginning of our relationship and I knew you kind of felt that way too.  One of the reasons I came up here is because of my DUI and assault convictions a couple years ago.  All the work that I was getting in NC was contract work because of that misdemeanor assault charge, even though I never threw a punch that night.  Anyway, I came up here to up my experience in my field and become such an expert that some company in that area would overlook that charge.  To this day, I have not seen anything yet.  I have heard that I can have a misdemeanor expunged but I have not looked into that yet.

I felt like you deserved better than having to wait on your boyfriend, I wanted to give you so much and this one messed up night has me handcuffed.  So I had so much riding on this relocation project then we hit this budget crunch and all my hope just left me.  I had so many dreams for us 3 months ago.  I don't want you to think that I am some douche because I'm not, there is nothing I wouldn't do for you.  I just wanted to get a few things off my chest and let you know some of my thought process lately.  I really and truly am still in love with you!

My reply…

Look there's not been a lot of honesty in our relationship.  And you did "dupe" me as you say by not being honest about DC and then when I totally invaded your privacy I found out a lot of stuff that you had not been honest about.  There's no doubt about that.  I wish we could go back in time and that you would trust me enough to have been honest from day one.

But honestly, the fact that you took a job in DC was the least of our issues.  That part of our relationship we were managing, it's everything else that drug us down.  Maybe subconsciously you took that job to escape your troubles here.

You need to learn to be open and honest.  You need to get your life straightened out and feel like you're setting a good example for your boys.  They should be your focus right now.  I think you need to focusing on where do you go from here and stop trying to "fix" things from the past.  And if you want to reflect on the past or think about how things could have been done differently, honestly look back at the fights we had, the issues, the "bad nights."  Look at them from my point of view.  Being brutally honest with yourself about your actions and why you chose the make the decisions you made.  That's the only way you can learn from it.

From Coach on Tuesday…

Laying here vibrating under a heating pad...Miranda, if you are or start going out with somebody please let me know ok?  I just have this feeling like it may already be happening.  And I can tell you for a fact if you are dating other people then I can't be friends.  There is no way I could do that.

My reply…

Well my personal life is my business.  You lost your opportunity to know what goes on in it or dictate what I do when you choose to pack up and leave the day we broke up.

Though his attempts to communicate me have tapered down quite a bit he still randomly texts or im’s me. At least he has learned not to call me anymore. Isn't the definition of insanity attempting to do the same thing over and over and expecting different results?

Miranda

PS - Last night McKing was working late doing a search warrant on a crack dealers house (I'm sorry all the police talk makes me hot!) and he was passing by my exit on his way home and called to ask if he could stop by for a minute.  I acquiesced because I'm trying to be all open and stuff but told him he could only stay for a few minutes.  He just dropped by for about 15 minutes and we talked and joked around.  He hugged me both when he got there and when he left.  Still no kiss yet.  Am I experiencing a real old fashioned courtship?  I don't know that I've ever been "courted" like this before.  My next date with McKing is Saturday. Stay tuned for details!