Soul Searching

I really try to avoid this activity immensely, but in light of the Gavin situation I’ve needed to do some.  There is no news on that front. We have talked once briefly on the phone since I saw him Saturday night. In a way, I almost feel like that was a goodbye fuck. I mean it’s not goodbye. He still has all of his shit in my house and I think we have this connection that will probably go on as long as I/we allow it, but things have changed. I said something that I don’t think I truly meant out of jealousy and I think it’s totally freaked him out. He clearly has feelings for me, but he’s obviously still in love with the gf too and so he’s backed off of his daily contact and I’ve let him. I need space, as it seems he does as well. I know he’s unhealthy for me. He’s an addict. My dad is an addict. I am a social worker working on my CSAC, so I know deep down that I could never, ever expose Chloe to this and be in a normal relationship with him. It’s time to move forward, but it’s hard to because I do like him and he is so much fun. I wish things were different, but I can’t change him.


Now on to fun news! First the hot sex…

I met Owen today. He’s been texting me a lot lately. Things are “more civil” at home and he’s resigned to they are what they are. He’s staying as long as possible for his kids and I can’t say that I blame him. I’m leaving Russell b/c I know I get Chloe. We’ll have joint custody, but as long as he lives in another state (which is highly likely in the next year or so), she’ll be with me almost 80% of the time.  If my option in life would have been to leave her, I couldn’t have done it. I would have stayed even knowing what I know about how all around unhealthy that is for all parties involved. The thought of not having her every day (or there about) makes me so uneasy I can hardly type this. So, he’s home and miserable and apparently feeling very thankful to have such a sexy mistress.

He texted me Monday to tell me that he was on school run today. Then he texted me Tuesday morning to say that on the spur of the moment, he was also on school run but I had to be somewhere and could only do this morning. We were sexting last night about today and I was dying to see him! This morning he told me that he was on his way and wanted me to be playing with my ass in this chair In my bedroom. It’s one of those papasan chairs and is a bit unsteady for sex, but we managed for a long while. He came in and I was spread eagle on it with my glass toy in my ass and rubbing my kitty for him. I love how he looks at me when I’m with him. He came over to me and put his cock in my mouth and I got him hard while playing with me. I asked how he planned to fuck me there and he said we would manage, but the chair might be sacrificed in the process.

He did manage and I got on all fours in it and he got behind me and we rocked that thing all over my room. OMG, it was fabulous. He was in my kitty and then stopped, stood there, and told me to back my ass onto his cock. He loves when I’m in control of that b/c he says it shows him how much I actually love it. I truly do! I was screaming and the chair was moving like crazy. I was braced against the wall and it was HOT. Finally, we moved over to the bed and fucked my tits and then rolled me over on my stomach. He played with my kitty forever…in and out with his monster cock. I thought I was going to pass out from cumming so much. We were on a serious time limit b/c of my needing to be at work and him needing to meet his wife, but neither of us seemed overly concerned. He was taking eons to cum, which was quite ok with me because it just meant more time for me to enjoy every single second of him being inside me. When he was finally ready, after almost 45 minutes, he entered my ass and filled it. Only then did he look at the clock and ask how fast it was!! We were totally late and I was so drenched that a shower was in immediate order. I cannot have sex with him and not shower and wash my sheets after. It’s always that kind of sex.

So, there is a new guy in the wings. I’ve decided that the only way for me to move successfully past this Gavin situation is to find new.  I met him on PoF Sunday and we’ve talked every night for hours. We’ve IMed, texted, actually talked on the phone (I love his voice!), and yet he’s not hinted at all about asking me out. Well, not totally true…he’s said things about how I would see X when we met, but never any mention of when that might be. Today I finally asked why not and he said it’s because he’s broke until next Wednesday and doesn’t want to ask me out until he can afford it.  Why does Jules love poor men??

Here’s a little about him. We’ll call him Daniel. Daniel is from Indiana and moved here on a whim 5 months ago after divorcing his ex-wife and finding his childhood bff dead in his house from a suicide. He’s a traveler by nature and has been all over the US and in several different countries. He’s 32, had a great career on the mainland, but is working as a concierge here for now and that seemingly isn’t cutting it financially. He has a 2 ½ year old daughter (who is just freaking adorable) and she’s going to be here for 4 months with him in January. They have some weird custody arrangement where she’s here part of the time. He looks a little like Owen (only remotely though). He’s funny, charming, and very engaging. I can actually talk to him and he can carry on a conversation. His downsides are he’s a Capricorn (not a match for Aries…see Gavin), he’s only 5’7” (I like tall, but ok whatever), and he’s currently broke.  I think the pros outweigh the cons though and I’m excited to meet him, hopefully next week.  He’s very chatty and attentive, but not in a smothering way (yet anyway). He’s also made absolutely no reference to sex, which is a bit refreshing. Odd for Jules to say I know, but I kind of want to just keep fucking Owen right now and let this evolve on a different level without rushing into that.

-Jules