Conflicted
I swear to God I had no sooner hit send, then Gavin came over. He came up on his bike and knocked on my wall, which of course brought Chloe out of her room. I didn't get up to let him in. I don't know if she did or if he used his key. It's hotter than hell here right now, so I was laid out naked on my bed. It wasn't sexual, it was necessity.
He comes over to me all smiling. He was high and I was annoyed. It's PMS week and when it's this week I am an irritable bitch. I said something like "Hmmm, another country heard from". He was all like "What?" b/c naturally it went over his head. I asked what was up and he said he's been really busy and that he hasn't called because his phone is cut off. I told him I didn't like the way things are right now. He said they are fine, we're fine. I don't know that I want "fine". I just laid here watching a show and he laid beside me and starting sucking my tits. I told him to quit it, but I didn't really mean it. He knew that and didn't. Then he started fingering me and licking me and well the next thing I knew I was cumming repeatedly.
Because he was high, I didn't bother doing anything in return. He made some comment about wanting me, but I told him that if he did then he would have come over with a hard dick. (Told ya I'm a bitch this week...) Finally, I started pushing for him to leave. I told him it requires too much energy to be around other people when I feel like this. He said he wanted to stay and hang out and watch porn with me. I told him I didn't. We went around like this for about an hour and then he left.
So remember my post on accepting 100% responsibility? I'm a firm believer that this is my own creation. I've allowed him to repeatedly come over like this and hang out and fuck around. I've allowed this world to be created and now I have to allow it to change into what I want to create. This might be a little easier if I knew what in the hell I wanted to create. It's been easy with him before this month and it could go back to being easy with him while I'm in school, but like I just wrote I know there is no long term potential, so is this enough for now? After acknowledging that I do have some feelings for him, even if it came out of jealousy, can we go back? Aside from his addict behaviors, I really was happy with the Owen-Gavin combo before I opened my big mouth. The status quo was working. I'm taking back my responsibility. It's not me, it's August. ;)
-Jules
He comes over to me all smiling. He was high and I was annoyed. It's PMS week and when it's this week I am an irritable bitch. I said something like "Hmmm, another country heard from". He was all like "What?" b/c naturally it went over his head. I asked what was up and he said he's been really busy and that he hasn't called because his phone is cut off. I told him I didn't like the way things are right now. He said they are fine, we're fine. I don't know that I want "fine". I just laid here watching a show and he laid beside me and starting sucking my tits. I told him to quit it, but I didn't really mean it. He knew that and didn't. Then he started fingering me and licking me and well the next thing I knew I was cumming repeatedly.
Because he was high, I didn't bother doing anything in return. He made some comment about wanting me, but I told him that if he did then he would have come over with a hard dick. (Told ya I'm a bitch this week...) Finally, I started pushing for him to leave. I told him it requires too much energy to be around other people when I feel like this. He said he wanted to stay and hang out and watch porn with me. I told him I didn't. We went around like this for about an hour and then he left.
So remember my post on accepting 100% responsibility? I'm a firm believer that this is my own creation. I've allowed him to repeatedly come over like this and hang out and fuck around. I've allowed this world to be created and now I have to allow it to change into what I want to create. This might be a little easier if I knew what in the hell I wanted to create. It's been easy with him before this month and it could go back to being easy with him while I'm in school, but like I just wrote I know there is no long term potential, so is this enough for now? After acknowledging that I do have some feelings for him, even if it came out of jealousy, can we go back? Aside from his addict behaviors, I really was happy with the Owen-Gavin combo before I opened my big mouth. The status quo was working. I'm taking back my responsibility. It's not me, it's August. ;)
-Jules
You're right, it's hotter than hell here now! The humidity is pretty awful and I find myself naked most of the time too!
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