That Special Feeling

I've always wondered what people mean when they say "when I met him/her I just knew". I, for one, have never had that experience before. I've met guys I'm instantly attracted to and have strong chemistry with but I've never had that "this could be the one" feeling. "This could be the one I have sex with tonight", sure I've had that feeling - or even, "This could be the one to get me over the last one." But "this could be the one I spend my life with", nope. That has all changed after 'meeting' McDreamy. And yes Jules and Miranda I realize I haven't actually 'met' him yet - luckily for the blog you two will get to witness that first meeting in exactly 3 weeks!

As you all know, Gwyn isn't exactly the lovey dovey mushy type. Who am I kidding - I'm not even anywhere close to that type. When it comes to love I'm a glass is half empty type of gal. I like to call it realistic. Miranda likes to call it being an ice queen.

I've been doing a lot of thinking and analyzing (shocker) about what is so different about McDreamy and why I feel so differently about him than I have towards other guys I've had relationships with (and do I actually feel different or am I caught up in some sort of Hawaii fantasy). How did he melt the ice queen in a matter of days? How did I go from wanting to stay single as long as possible to dreaming about a beach wedding in Hawaii?

After examining all the evidence, I've determined that I do in fact feel differently towards him - it's not just me wearing a pair of rose colored glasses. I'm not just caught up in a Hawaiian housewife fantasy. Here's a quick glimpse inside my head:

• McDreamy is different because he truly cares about how I feel. He wants to know how I'm feeling and asks me all the time. When I'm upset he wants to fix it, and not just by buttering me up but by changing anything he may have done to contribute to my unhappiness or frustration (e.g. being short with me on the phone because he's playing Call of Duty like it's his job).  If I'm upset about a situation at home he listens to me and tries to calm me down by either offering advice or just being supportive. If I play the "nothing is wrong I'm just giving you the silent treatment because I'm in a happy mood" card he won't let me. He insists that I share with him how I'm feeling so that I don't build up resentment towards him and so that he can be there for me if he can. 
• McDreamy makes me feel 100% secure with myself and with our relationship 100% of the time. This is no small feat considering we are separated by 5,000 miles. Not once during our relationship (going on 3 months now) have I ever felt doubtful about his feelings towards me. I don't find myself thinking "he's probably with another girl" or "he's just saying he likes me because he wants something from me". Part of this is because our relationship isn't based on sex, it's based on an emotional and intellectual connection. We have become best friends. I know he doesn't just like me for physical reasons - which he tells me all the time. I did have one night of slight jealousy when he was out clubbing with a friend visiting from the mainland, but that was during my pms week and it was towards the end of his friend's visit (which lasted 10 days) and I was really missing getting 100% of his attention. McDreamy is consistent with his communication and always does what he says he is going to do. I don't ever find myself wondering if he's actually going to call - I know with certainty that he will, and he always does.
• McDreamy talks about a future with me and it doesn't freak me out. In fact, I find myself thinking about a future with him often. This is something I've not really done before. I did think about marriage with The Ex but it wasn't the same. It was more of a "I like him more than I've liked anyone else so it's probably best to just go ahead and start a family with him since I won't meet anyone better." With McDreamy it's a "I like you so much that I can't imagine not being with you in 20 years."
• McDreamy satisfies me to the point that I have absolutely no desire to contact any of my exes or any of the guys I was talking to up to the time that I met him. I mean no desire whatsoever. Romeo has texted me a few times and I don't respond - I just don't care. I have had no contact with The Ex since McDreamy and I started talking - that's very significant because in all my other relationships I still talked to The Ex (or saw him) even if it wasn't often. I feel like I've finally gotten over him for good. I used to have a nagging yearning to talk to The Barber one last time - not any more. When I go out I'm not even looking at guys, all I'm thinking about is how I can't wait to be with McDreamy.
• I already feel the overwhelming urge to say I love you (and he does too). He's said just about everything he can say without directly saying those three words - including, "I like you more than like" "I'm in love with you" "I think I'm in love with you" "I like you so so much"...he has called me his "future wife" "favorite girl" and "love of his life". Yes, I know it's cheesy and I can't believe how much I like it. Before McDreamy, any of this behavior would have had me running for the hills.

If this isn't the "he may be the one" feeling then I'm not sure what is. If it can feel better than this then I have a lot to look forward to. I can't put my finger on it but all I know is that this one is different. If you look back through my old posts you'll notice that Gwyn isn't one of those girls who says that about every guy I meet (I have friends who are in love with every new guy so I never know if they actually are). Just the fact that I'm thinking that says a lot to me, it's not my nature. This boy has me all thrown off but I like it. Keep your fingers crossed for me - in 21 days I may be meeting my future husband for the first time. Who wants to come to a beach wedding in Hawaii?!?!?

-Gwyn