A Shot in the Dark

Friday night I had my first single girls Girls Night Out. Though both girls I was with had boyfriends so it’s not exactly like we were trying to skank it up.  But we had a blast and it reminded me how much fun just being with the girls really is.  All was good until a little after midnight when Coach started texting me.

He was out drinking (surprise surprise) with some random people who he used to play golf with.  He’d been to a couple different bars and said he was really drunk and needed a ride.  I ignored him for a while.  Gwyn you’d have been proud! 

Eventually we were ready to wrap the night up and he told me he was at a bar – scratch that a strip club – that was right down the road.  He begged me for a ride so my girls volunteered to come get him and take him home. We went down the road and were outside in the parking lot of the strip club.  I called him. No answer.  I waited a few minutes and called again.  No answer.  I texted him. No answer.  After about 10 minutes I figured he’d gotten himself in this mess so he could get himself out and we left.

We go back to my friend’s house and are doing a post girls night out debriefing when Coach started texting me again.  Again, begging for a ride.  He’s been well known to drink and drive before (he got a DUI a couple years ago in a parking lot, yeah I said a parking lot) and as of late he seemed like maybe he was trying to be a tad more responsible. So I told him if he could get back to the first bar where his car was, I’d meet him and take him to his parents.

I left and drove there. He got there about 10 minutes later.  He got out of his friends car and immediately this dumb 24 year old girl who is the daughter of one of Coach’s friends jumped out and she was wasted.  She started trying to get in my face saying I was mean to Coach and that I’d changed him so much. I remarkably kept my cool and asked just how I had changed him. Her reason and this made me lol - I wouldn’t let him drink liquor and I deleted her from his Facebook friends.  HA!  I told her to calm down and that he’s the one who deleted her and that the reason I didn’t like for him to drink liquor was because it made him so freaking sick the next day you’d think he was dying. And that I’d never “made” him not drink it.  She looked quite perplexed and said something that sounded like, “Ok you’re still a mean girl” and then she got drunken back in her friends’ car and they left.  Incidentally I got a Facebook apology from her today for her bad behavior. How strange and hilarious. I think her mom (the lady who famously told me she could be my best friend or worst enemy) made her do it.

So about this time Coach leaned in and tried to kiss me.  I quickly pulled back and he acted shocked.  Then he started talking about how he had changed and how much he missed me.  And I admittedly lost my temper and asked how exactly him going out bar hopping, getting shitfaced, drunk texting me incessantly, hanging out with this ridiculous girl and her boyfriend, and then begging me for a ride how equated to him changing.  He gave a bunch of half drunken crazy excuses and I ended up screaming at him in the parking lot at 3:30 am.  Finally I told him to sleep in his car and left him there.  He drove himself home anyways.

The next day I woke up to him texting me like everything was normal and fine as could be.  Hello crazy pants!  I ignored him most of the day and then finally told him he was self destructing and if he didn’t get in control of himself he was going to lose everyone and everything that mattered to him.  I didn’t hear much from him the rest of the weekend thankfully.

I really do think for whatever reason he’s self destructing and I’m not going along for that ride.  My best guess is that his whole identity is wrapped up in him being seen as an athlete/ big built guy and that getting hurt back in May and then re-injuring and re-injuring and re-injuring himself has started him down this super destructive path of not thinking he’s worth anything to anyone.  Who knows?  But he damn sure needs a counselor or something to work it out.

I woke up Saturday morning and felt oddly relieved. It was good to say all the things I’d bottled up inside to him and it was oddly good to see him. Good because I didn’t feel anything really.  Not that I don’t still care about him but I had wondered if seeing him would cause me to fall apart or feel absolutely broken hearted.  And I am sad that things didn’t work out and I am worried about him self destructing. But I’m proud of myself for being about to do the hard thing and walk away without letting myself fall down the rabbit hole with him. 

In other boy news College Crush is faithfully texting me but toeing the line very well between being flirty and too flirty.  I’ve had a bunch of random guys emailing me through PoF but nothing exciting yet.  And I really don’t know that I want to jump right back in the fire with a new guy.  A little Miranda karma cleansing may be in order before I’m really ready to get back on the field.

Miranda