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Saturday, August 6, 2011

Totally Random Friday Night Musings (Sober)

I am blissfully on Mom duty tonight since Russell is closing his store. After 46 days with no kid all summer, there is no place I'd rather be tonight either. Gavin is in CA. He's called a few times, but we haven't talked yet. I didn't call back because I decided I needed some processing time. Owen is trekking along in the land of status quo. I've been sending him funny things to make him smile. I didn't smile much in the midst of the unhappy here, so I get how nice a good stupid laugh can be.

Clark texted me yesterday. It started in the morning and ended the next morning for him/late night for me. It ended with him saying I'd never hear from him again. I explained that I've heard that before. I hope he means it this time for real though. He's still hung up on Gavin. Dude, we live 5000 miles apart. We're never getting back together. Why do you care who I fuck? God what a psycho! Why didn't you people warn me?!! (ROFL)

I was listening to the fucktards that are my neighbors earlier, who live right outside of my bedroom window. I'm on a personal mission to get them evicted, but I've decided to try and hold out just long enough to watch Gwyn rip them new assholes next month. I feel like there could be some epic hilarity in waiting. I swear I've never listened to more inane conversation in my life.

I should be writing a paper, but I'm completely unmotivated. I mean totally and completely. It's on AA. Instead I went onto Texts From Last Night.com and laughed my ass off over some of those. I'm copying some of my favorites here for your enjoyment.

"Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots."

"It was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame and I'm not ashamed. So technically, it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing."    "and semen"

"We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be"

"If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die" (Today is my 11th anniversary with Russell...rofl, this one hit home.)

"The problem with having sex for lunch when it's 98 degrees out is that I can't tell if it's sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office"

Last one...lol
"We should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning"

There are a million other funny ones, but you can look online for yourselves. Those are my faves.
-Jules

2 comments:

  1. Some of those texts sound familiar, you sure you didnt just copy mine?...lol
    Josie

    ReplyDelete
  2. LOL, maybe...
    No, but I should b/c you send me some hilarious shit sometimes! :)
    -Jules

    ReplyDelete