Dating After 40: Do Any of Us Really Know What We Are Doing?

Oh dear Lord, I don't even know where to begin. If I still believed in God and was still a practicing Catholic, I imagine that's how my confession would start to flow. As it is, yesterday was a really weird day...I mean weird. I woke up to an email from Owen saying he couldn't meet me yesterday after work because his family was coming into town where he's working this summer for dinner. I guess he really couldn't tell his wife "No, sorry I plan to fuck my mistress today on the way home".  So, I'm certainly not pissed at him about it or anything. I'm having my period this week not that he cares but I kind of do (tmi I know) and in light of my lecture to Russell on Monday night...I was feeling guilty about leaving during "family hours" anyway. Here's where it gets bizarre. I came home last night to the guy next door talking to Russell about coming over later with some recreational substances he brought back from the Middle East (no, he...

Here’s a quickie update for you… As far as the whole Patient Zero/STD thing goes, so far The Giant, SoCo, and Motorcycle Man have all been negative. Pretty much just leaves Sawyer or Lawyer Boy, neither of whom have been to the DR yet or reported back to me on their results. So things are looking more like Jules was right and I got it from Cabana Boy. Crazy, we’ll have to wait and see what happens now. I sent Lawyer Boy a text Wednesday asking how the Bar Exam went and par for the course I haven’t heard back from him yet. Honestly, with IT around, I don’t know if I even care anymore. I mean IT has a big ass, grown up job and he finds time to text me. Whatever. Lawyer Boy’s not cut but he’s definitely teetering. Alright, as I tyed this yesterday afternoon guess who calls…Lawyer Boy. Damn his cute little ADD self! He talked my ear off for 45 minutes all about the Bar and how he’s so ready to have a normal life again and how he’s missed hanging out with me. He vaguely mentioned us...

Last night was date number two with IT and well, he is the shit. Big time. Like overwhelmingly Miranda’s in trouble shit. We had texted some during the day and made plans to meet up for drinks and dinner. I was feeling my work outfit was severely un-date worthy so I had to do a little mad dash after work shopping. I’ll be honest, I did bring an overnight bag with a “work” outfit for the next day, and ultimately that’s what I ended up wearing. Though I did buy a super cute bathing suit, which came in handy later in the date… We met at this “upscale” restaurant and ended up just sitting at the bar and talking for several hours and several glasses of wine. We kept talking about ordering food but we never managed to get around to it. He was impressed with my choice of wine though! I had told Gwyn earlier in the day I was having a complex about dating IT. He just seems like such a grown up compared to all the other guys I’ve dated and hell even compared to me. I feel like I should be dr...

I have returned from my self-imposed blog hiatus and good Lord it's been an eventful week. Rather than bore you with a four page post, I'm going to hit the high points. Long story short - I'm in love...again. 7/15 - Truck Driver makes a booty call, I turned him down because I was still weirded out by our last encounter 7/16 - The Barber came over and spent the night, slept until 2pm the next day as I was off doing my consulting job. This is the day I realized I'm in love with him again. Even my roommate noticed. 7/17 - Got a text from an unknown number, it was The Barber's cousin (aka my former booty call) asking me why I deleted him from my BBM list. I lied and said it must have just happened, then stopped responding to his texts. Decided I had to come up with a way to handle this situation once and for all. 7/18 - Started pet-sitting out in the country. Got The Barber to meet Cabana Boy to provide him with recreational substances. The Barber came out and s...

So I think I have to do something about College Crush. Night before last we were texting some and I asked about our plans to hang out this weekend because last week when he was all made at me for the Sunday debacle he said those plans were on “hiatus.” Well he still wants to hang out. He’s definitely thawed out the last few days. I think I have to have the “talk” with him about where my head is at finally. I’m sure it comes as no surprise to any of you who have been reading this blog for any length of time that he’s not one of the top MVPs on my team. I’ve really been trying to cut back the amount of texting we do just to keep things realistic with him. This morning as I was driving to work I was thinking about what to do about this weekend and wondering (though I really knew the answer) if I could just let him assume we were on and then cancel on him if something better came along. I had to ask myself who would be the something that would come along and have me cancel on him and i...

Last night, Russell and I were home alone. That's not a very good idea these days, really...but we were trying to make it a nice evening. We were supposed to have a nice TV night on the couch catching up on our DVR shows. We did that, but with a brief interruption for a HUGE fight. The bf texted him while we were watching TV and told him that he'd had a rough day and that he wanted Russell to come out and meet him for a little bit on the beach or something. Then, Russell said "yes". WTF? I got pissed. I mean pissed. (There was a large bottle of wine involved and I started my period today too.) I laid into him about being a sorry ass friend, that I was sick and tired of this stupid child (the bf, not ours), that he was neglecting all of his shit around the house, etc. When I'm mad, I will cuss you out in a flat second too...being Southern and all. So words were exchanged (This was the 1st time in 18 years he's ever called me a bitch...which is shocking in and o...

O-M-G. Just had lunch with the cute guy from the bar (forever to be known at IT). It was awesome! I’m in a full-blown swoon at the moment. About 10 or so I texted him to ask how his run was (remember he’s a hardcore runner) and he replied and asked what my lunch plans were. I told him I didn’t have any plans and he texted back “Well now you do.” So hot! LOL! So we texted a couple more times to work out the details and then I started having heart palpitations. I mean he’s a full grown, badass, absolutely secure in his place in the world man. A MAN. A man like no other I’ve gone out with. I started to freak out a little too because I didn’t really get to see how tall he was the other night at the club and you know I have height issues. So I slapped on some extra make up (thank heavens I started carrying a full contingent of make up in my purse a few months ago) and headed off to meet him at lunchtime. I managed to get there first which is crazy because every single date I...

So here's an update on my current boy toys...I'm pretty much over them all except Andy 26 and Owen. Although Andy 26 screwed himself a little bit last night and not in the way I'm sure he had intended. I had told him Friday night that it was possible my house would be free last night and that if he wanted to come up, he could. He said he would let me know and at 5pm when I hadn't heard from him, I started wine time...which lead to beer time...which lead to a shot of moonshine coffee liquor...which lead to more wine time. Needless to say at 9:20pm when he texted me to see if I had plans, I was barely coherent. I told him Russell was home as well since I hadn't heard from him, I hadn't asked him to go to his bf's. He said he'd been drinking too and guessed we would have to meet up another night this week. I recommended in the future that he alert me prior to 5pm if he wants to see me that night. God, I'm starting to get like my Dad. If it's after 5...

Well to put an exclamation point on the end of a very weird, off the wall week, I had quite an interesting experience on my date with Motorcycle Man (MM) last night. After spending an entire long, super hot day at the pool with the kids, Josie, Gwyn (who please note is not giving me the silent treatment despite her earlier threats), and a bunch of other girls, I shepherded off the kids to my mom’s for the night. MM wanted me to come out to his place, about 45 minutes from mine, and plan to stay the night even though he knew sex was off the table. So I get myself together and headed out his way. When I got there, MM greeted me with a big hug and kiss. Then he offered me some wine, which I of course accepted. He whipped open the fridge, grabbed his BOX of wine and proceeded to squeeze out every drop into two plastic cups for us to take with us in the car. Now there is nothing wrong with a good box of wine but it was so typically MM it cracked me up. So we headed off to dinner ...

Well the universe must not be punishing me too much, because he's back!! Owen emailed me tonight saying that "the storm has cleared". He's free to play again. Holy fuck, I've played out what my "appropriate" response would be a 1000 times. You know...how I would not fall back into that routine with him, but clearly I am going to do just that. Feel free to judge me, I don't care b/c I'll be smiling thanks to the fucking awesome sex returning my way. I'm even willing to take the karmic hits. The sex really is THAT good. I feel like a kid on Christmas morning right now! -Jules

What in the universe is going on? This week has already been all sorts of crazy from the Sunday debacle to crushing College Crush to my “community health” issue. I mean really? The planets must be so out of alignment! Last night continued in the vein of crazy. I was chilling out, watching TV, playing on the computer, and yes, checking my PoF account when all sorts of crazy things started happening. First, not crazy but actually a good thing, a guy I’ve been talking too finally made the move to ask me out. He’s 38, divorced, a couple of kids, cute, a little country, and most excitingly seemingly well off. He owns three companies – a construction company, a printing company, and a security company. Interesting, very interesting….we’re supposed to meet up next week after the kids go back to Duckie. Maybe I’ve found my Sugar Daddy? LOL! Then I was exchanging messages with this other guy who was really cute. We bantered back and forth for a while and he clearly passed all the...

Ok for years I've sworn off younger men...ick. I mean I don't have that whole getting older and need to justify my hotness and sexuality by sleeping with someone half my age thing that men my age seem to possess...but I have to say it is a big fat ego boost when a guy that is 8 years younger than you can hardly wait to put his hands on your body. Andy 26 and I had our date tonight. I was late because I got caught up stalking a baby monk seal here today and so there was no sushi, but instead straight to pomegranate martinis and HOT 26 year old sex. I've been discussing a lot lately about how I like a strong man and Andy 26 fits that bill. When we have sex, he just sort of takes me...he doesn't ask or wait for permission or instructions, he just does it. I love that in a guy. He puts me exactly where he wants me and does amazing things to my body. He loves kissing, so I still get the intimacy and after we cum, we're done. I don't have to hang out or have him hangi...

Well all of Team Miranda has been notified about our little “issue.”  Lawyer Boy finally called me back today after I left yet another message that sounded seriously like I was knocked up.  Not the nicest tactic to get someone’s attention but it worked.  He started out the conversation with his usual apologies for being so distracted and busy and I had to cut him off and cut to the chase.  When I told him what was going on the first words out of his mouth were, “Oh my God, I was sure you were pregnant!”  So I guess my script worked LOL!  Then he said, “Oh my God, are you ok?  Are you furious with me? I’m so sorry. I didn’t know I had anything…”  He was quite stunned and concerned. I reassured him I wasn’t mad and that it wasn’t the worst thing in the world.  It could have been much more awful (just imagine what my blog posts would have been if I had turned up pregnant!  That’d be a whole lot of paternity testing!).  I could tel...

I was driving home from work today and texting with Canada intermittently and talking to Miranda on the telephone and pondering exactly why I have commitment issues. I mean I know that I'm getting out of a decade long relationship and now is NOT the time for me to be jumping into some other type of committed relationship, but what exactly is my issue? Then, it hit me like the proverbial ton of bricks. Once a man shows me his weakness (which for me is telling me ALL of your feelings for me in the first 2 weeks or less after we meet - Hungarian, Canada), I'm over it. You are no longer attractive to me if I find you weak. I like men that keep me guessing and by this appear strong and in control of themselves. I mean I want to know that you're into me, but I do NOT want to know every single fucking time you think about me all day long. Russell was like that for a long time. I knew we loved each other in the friendship sense and then we sort of morphed into our relationship, but...

Fuck me. No wait, don't. I have chlaymidia.  Heard from the doctor and my results are positive.  This is what I get for being slack about safe sex. Never again my friends, never again.  So now I've had an afternoon and evening of fun filled phone calls. Despite my levity about the scripted phone call, this really sucks and I feel really bad.  Hopefully they will take the news as well as I took it from Cabana Boy. The one I've been most worried about telling is Sawyer. Given his penchant for playing games with my head and the fact that oh, he's married, it could be the worst of all.  I actually sent him an email right after the doctor called and I stopped pounding the trunk of my car and repeatedly saying the word "Fuck" as Gwyn laughed at me.  He immediately called me with his worst fear being that our affair had been discovered.  When I told him, he actually took it in great spirits all things considered.  He's going to go get tested and he s...

Just a quick update. Still no word on the test results. Hopefully they will come in today and hopefully they will be all clear. In the event they are not and I have to make some phone call to past and present team members, I have crafted a stunningly devious script that will imply that I'm calling to tell said boy that I'm "in the family way" only to reveal at the last second that it's just an STD alert. Gwyn and I had quite a laugh at that last night. Maybe they will feel so relieved to not be my Baby Daddy that it will be no big deal. That being said, I'm still hoping and praying for a negative test result. Elsewhere in my world, College Crush and I have been texting though it was mighty slow and distant until last night. Guess he's still punishing me. Motorcycle Man is texting up a storm; it's like we never even missed a beat. I officially gave Nerd Boy the heave ho yesterday via text telling him he was lovely and all but reminded me way too much ...

Today has just been a super weird day...from the moment I got up until now. Canada took today off to spend with me and while I had an early appointment in town that did not require his presence, he still felt compelled to ride with me. I am not a morning person, unless I'm getting sex and quite honestly rarely am I ever in the mood for chatting before about 9am. I can text, but no verbal communication needs to occur. Well apparently I set the tone for the day because that man said about 10 words all day while we were together. Here's all the rest of the initial weird. We drove the almost hour into town in virtual silence, of which I was thankful for. When we got there, I asked what he was going to do and he actually asked if he could come in with me...um, no. Then I had my meeting and you would think he would have asked something, anything about it since he had wanted to attend it but he did not. So I started texting Russell and Miranda and telling them about it and how overwhe...

So I may have accidently crushed College Crush’s crush Sunday. Finally, after much delay and jockeying around for position we talked last night. Basically he said he was upset by my behavior between me telling him we were not really “dating” via text (I don’t remember saying it exactly that way but who knows) and then my disappearing (when my phone died the first time) after telling him I was hanging out with a bunch of guys by the pool. Then by my reappearing sometime later and telling him I was hanging out with the guys again and doing the recreational activity stuff and disappearing again (when my phone died the second time). He said every time he has ever done that stuff with a girl it has ended up going somewhere it shouldn’t and that he knows way too many guys whose whole MO is getting girls drunk and high and then taking advantage of them. He said between all that yesterday he felt like I was throwing it in his face that I was hanging out with a guy or guys other than him...

I know I've been a blogging fiend these past few days, but I've had some funny stuff to share. This one made me almost wreck my car. I was talking to my Mama yesterday on the way around the island. My mama is one of the best story tellers in the universe. She's a very funny woman and her spin on things almost always leaves me in peels of laughter. Yesterday she was talking about my grandmother and my cousin. My cousin is 26 years old and is dating a guy that is 29 years old. He's in the military and they have been dating for about 6-9 months now. My grandparents are old school Georgia. Currently my cousin is in Europe with this boyfriend on vacation. My grandfather is convinced this is his way of test driving their relationship to see if they enjoy 2 weeks together on vacation before coming back to ask her to marry him, or take their relationship to the next level as my grandfather phrased it. My grandparents were talking to my mother about this the day before at her ho...

I finally asked Russell the other day if I have a certain smell. You guys may remember how Chile smelled me during our times together and how much it creeped me out. He would literally put his nose to me and inhale. I’m not talking graphic stuff either, I mean he would do this on my back and neck. If you have never had anyone do this to you, let me assure you it’s strange. Canada talks frequently about my smell too (of which Russell denies every really noticing but admits he has a horrible sense of smell as well). Canada smells me too, but in a much less dramatic fashion than Chile and in a way that I can deal with due to his covert way about doing it. It’s still strange hearing someone talk about it though and he does a lot. It reminds me of that perfume, Realm. Remember that from the late 90s? It was this perfume that supposedly interacted with your pheromones to send out your aroma into the world. I’m thinking I don’t need their product. -Jules

I was listening to Bob on the way to work and reflecting on my evening/morning with Canada. A friend of mine had Chloe for me since our schedules are nuts on Mondays and so I was child free to spend the night at Canada’s. I’m usually not a big fan of overnights, but in this case it worked out so that I was closer to work this morning and it didn’t make sense to drive back to my town in the middle of the night to drive right back through his a few hours later, plus this way I could get some more before work too. Canada has been ok with keeping his feelings in check since I told him I have a crush on him too. He’s blowing up my phone daily, but otherwise pretty good about not expressing anything too overtly. He made me another awesome dinner last night complete with a dessert and we spent a long time doing some really fun things. He woke me up this morning 4 hours later at 5:30am rubbing my back and kissing me before he left for PT. He came back right after PT and we had some really...

I don’t even know how to start this post. Yesterday was a cosmic slam-dunk in the drama department. Maybe it was karma biting me, no kicking the hell out of my ass, for proclaiming Saturday night to be a waste of freedom. It’s gonna be a long post, so buckle up and hold on for dear life. It all started so innocently. A day filled with hours lounging by the pool improving upon my already dark Hawaiian Tropic tan. A few hours of peace and quite go by with minimal texting between me and College Crush and me and Soco. Lots of hilarious texting with Gwyn as usual. Then Cabana Boy shows up. I have been sick of the whole moping and awkwardness so I put forth a brave smile and chatted him up. Then out comes Pool John. I’m sandwiched between the two of them when Soco goes insane. I had invited him over to swim and he hemmed, hawed, and finally declined. I asked him what was up, that’s like three times now he has bailed on hanging out. I got back these rambling texts about not w...

Miranda, thought your last post was a riot. I guess I should hang onto a guy that buys me sex toys. Well here's an interesting one for you guys to dissect. I was feeling a little caught up in this whole Canada thing (hence my last post titled as such) and while he totally has chalked up what I said to too much wine last night and kept it fairly light from feelings today, I was a bit overwhelmed. I was texting with this guy, Joe Blow, before I met Canada. He seemed a little slow with the convo and not really into meeting so I left it alone. He has continued to randomly text me and it's still been very slow going chatting. I had set up to meet him once and bailed. Then tonight in a fit of being overwhelmed by Canada, asked him if he wanted to come over. He said he did and then that was it. I got a text at the appointed time saying he was almost here. I was so not ready and told him that he hadn't really followed up with any further chat to let me know that, so I was sorry bu...

Late night wine fueled update. It doesn’t get much more exciting in Miranda’s world tonight. I told Gwyn earlier this week that I was frustrated with most of my team. That I felt like they were getting lazy and I was driving the relationships. Been there, done that, not going to do it again. So despite my need for attention and combined with the well timed work trip, I essentially stopped the communication from my end, well initiating the communication anyways. After about a day I got instant results and they were all wanting to know what I was up to. Whatever! I’m a little annoyed with them all. So then today comes and I’m determined not to initiate any contact and follow Gwyn’s advice and stay home for a change. I waivered all day and actually did a little texting but kept it light and chatty with no discussion or reference to tonight. What did it get me? A night of boredom at home. Methinks this time Gwyn’s advice led me astray lol! Though tonight has been entertaining in s...

Damn it, something happened last night that was akin to me being all caught up in the moments following some really intense orgasms. Let me back up for a moment. Thursday night Canada started with the feelings thing again before he came over for some more smoking hot sex. I'd texted with him all day about the things I wanted him to do to me and that I planned to do to him. It turns out he's never played with toys either and was totally into me playing with him with toys as well. I love when a guy submits to me in that way, I don't know why but it's just a turn on for me to violate a guy's ass. Call me a whore, whatever. Anyway, he gets here Thursday and Chloe's still awake so we sat outside and consumed a bottle of wine and then the wild rumpas started. He's not super hung by any stretch - very normal size cock, but holy fuck he's a fast learner with my body. He did everything I'd told him to do to me via text that day and then some. I finally kicked...

I had my second and final date with Nerd Boy last night. I figured I owed him at least one more date since he so chivalrously went and found my lost earring in the park. Since I was traveling back in town from work I got in pretty late so I suggested we just do something low key like a movie. We met at the theater and he very happily produced the earring in question. I was a little worried that he’d pull the old “oh I forgot it, just come back to my place after the movie” move but he didn’t. Sadly over the last few days I had hoped his nerdiness had been embellished in my mind and that’d he’d be a whole lot less nerdy in person, but he wasn’t – still a big goober. He even wore mandals yall! Mandals with cargo shorts! I mean really. (If you don’t know what mandals are they are incredibly tevia-ish sandals that guys, particularly older guys, wear and think they look cool.) Following Gwyn’s advice (she’s become my guru on getting rid of guys you really don’t want to date) I int...