Dating After 40: Do Any of Us Really Know What We Are Doing?

I’ve spent A LOT of time since this weekend in my own head and I have to say though it’s been enlightening, it’s not been a very fun place to be.   After I let go of some of my oh so righteous anger with Coach, I started to feel that comment someone put on the Fuck My Life post niggling at the back of my mind. Anonymous said... I've been reading your blog for a bit, lurking around, and you've been fucking up this thing with Coach from the beginning. Is he free and clear? No, but you've gone out of your way to lie to him, spy on him, "catch" him, and sabotage this whole thing. If I had caught you "hacking" into my e-mail just once your ass would have been on the street. Ouch. Reality check much?   It’s not to say that Coach’s behavior is ok. Understand that. But I’ve come to realize that my issues – my wounds – played a much bigger role in turning Miranda manic over the last few months then I ever would have thought.   It’s a lot to say and it’s comp...

I woke up empowered this morning to end things with Clark. I decided that I was settling in hopes that he would quit being a sociopath and actually fall in love with me and we would have a decent relationship. Well folks, I’ll tell you what you all knew all along…it ain’t happening.    I think it clicked when I had a crappy weekend/Monday with him. I felt like I was trying wayyy too hard and yes, Gwyn I had asked to see him. (Pathetic…I know.) I honestly felt like the universe was drawing us together, but I know now that either it wasn’t for the reason I assumed or the universe is just out of whack. Regardless of why our paths crossed over and over, he’s toxic for me. I woke up this morning looking at Chloe’s sweet little face sleeping beside me and I thought about him. Would I ever want him to be a part of her life? No, no I wouldn’t. He’s too moody, inconsistent, self-centered (hold onto this one for a second), and demands too much attention be placed on him.   I did w...

Funny story (although maybe it's just funny to me), but I just got home from being at my practicum all day (which has totally been stressful lately) and then to get my hair done and then to the drug store. I walk in and Gavin had been by at some point today and left evidence in the form of porn up on my laptop, lube on the desk, and my toy box pulled out where the lube lives. When I was giving him shit on the phone and informing him that I'm not his mama, he said "Well sometimes I just want you to know I've been there and thinking about you." Dude, he totally made that shit up on the spot. I literally laughed at him, but gave him points for quick recovery. According to Gavin, my room gives off a very sexual vibe. Then he told me he may come back tonight for more. It's been a super fun 24 hours in Jules' world. Prior to that fun though, I took Clark to court yesterday morning for his traffic thing. I blew him before court, but honestly I wasn't really...

Well this seems frivolous after Gwyn's very poignant post, but wth...it's Tuesday. Stolen with pleasure this week from  http://mystic-satyr.blogspot.com . 1. Who would you call for bail money? Well since Russell and I have no money, Clark has no money, Gavin has no money, and Owen would have a hella time explaining it...I'd go with my Daddy (although Gavin owes me one since I bailed him out).  - Jules Well I'd want to call Gwyn but she's a broke single girl like me. Calling my mom would be easy but she'd lecture me. I'd probably call my richie-rich sister. - Miranda Fortunately I have lots of friends with more money than me so I have lots of options, I'd say there's a good 10 people I could call. Worst case scenario, there's always Grandma - Jules and Miranda, Grandma would help you ladies out as well! -Gwyn 2. Your life has been threatened unless you do one of the three following things. Which would you do? Why? a. Do a sanctioned and well-...

As you all know, Gwyn has been a different Gwyn lately. I haven't been posting as much, not because I don't want to but more because I don't have much going on in the dating world right now. I've explained my whole 'born again virgin' phenomenon in a few recent posts and it's still in full effect. Many have tried to break me down but none have succeeded. In fact, I'm beginning to think that I may be some sort of sex rejection genius. If only I could bottle that up and sell it, I'd be in Hawaii in no time! Even though I don't have much going on in the romance department (but lord knows my friends' love lives are keeping me more than busy) I have had a lot on my mind. I feel like I'm constantly thinking. Thinking about how to make myself better. Thinking about how I got to this point in my life. Thinking about all of the things I wish I would've done differently. Thinking about my purpose in the world.  My brain is never really turned...

Friday Coach and I spoke very little to each other.   Then about 10 pm I got a text from him saying he was in town at a bar.   It made me really mad.   Mad that knowing I had these insecurity issues about his “friends” he’d put himself in that situation and then tell me about it. And honestly mad that if he was so concerned about our relationship he’d come all the way home from DC and go straight to a bar and not even attempt the whole “knight in shining armor” routine and try to come see me first. What followed were two hours of various drunken texts of either “help me” or “come get me.” Eventually I told him I’d come pick him up and take him to wherever he was spending the night but he was not going to come to my apartment.   Next up followed about an hour of random phone calls where either he didn’t say anything or it was too loud for him to hear.   Finally about 1:30 am he called for a last time and I answered the phone.   He was wasted. Like seriou...

I should probably wait until today plays out to post this, but what the hell. It's been a strange weekend, although sort of "normal" again all at the same time. Friday night, I stayed home with Chloe while Russell was at work and busted my ass doing a bunch of school work. Gavin came over while I was in the middle of it and apologized for the night before and asked to not be fired yet because overall he thinks he does a good job of servicing me. I granted him a pardon. He was super pleased that I was home working on school stuff and not out at a swinger's party...lol. Saturday I was texting with Clark and we agreed to go see a movie last night after Chloe went to bed. I picked him up and I swear to god it was like a first date with all the awkwardness, but all of the history too. He was ready for me when I got there and had even sprayed himself with cologne. He doesn't typically wear cologne around me because I've actually commented before on his own persona...

Miranda may be a gambler when it comes to love and relationships but she does know when to fold them. Even when her heart isn’t ready, her head can take control of the game.  I caught Coach in a lie again.  Three strikes and you’re out. There’s been all this stupid fucking drama the whole time we’ve been dating with his friends from high school – girls and boys.  One of his best friends has been against me the whole time and loved to try to start shit that would upset me or get me agitated.  Tuesday night I was so happy that Coach finally talked to this friend and told him to lay off.  Yes I realize that it’s totally bogus that I was happy that after three months of dealing with it he finally did something about it.  And yes I totally just used the word bogus. Wednesday morning Coach changed his Facebook password.  He’d given it to me long ago and I used to hack it every now and again and change his profile picture or something.  Clearly my spid...

Satisfaction. Team Jules is pissing me off. Gavin came over for sex, which ended with him cumming in my mouth not once but twice. How many times did I cum while he was here? Yep...zero. Boo. I came a bunch after he left with my glass toy....bad, bad boy. This is NOT how I roll. You cum, I cum. Well reverse it and there you have it. Christ, do I really have to explain this to a 42 yr old man??  Owen remains on vacation...hating it. I can't wait for his giant cock to cum back all over me. Clark and I have been having lots of conversations this week about our feelings. This includes his angry feelings at me and my guilty feelings that I hurt him. Obviously he still loves me (as much as he can) and we continue to have daily convo about how I hurt him, but neither of us can just be done with it. Why do I feel guilty when just 6 months ago he was crushing my heart? One has to wonder...wtf is wrong with Jules? Clearly I'm in love with the stupid 25 year old and it's clearly de...

Ok, I know I’m a cold hearted biatch when it comes to love but bear with me. In the world of glass-half-empty-Gwyn, when someone I’ve just started talking to/dating/hanging out with starts being too nice I get suspicious. It’s literally a red flag for me, I’m not saying this is healthy but it’s the truth. I’m not the type of person to put myself out there without fully knowing who I’m giving myself to. I also have a pretty full life and am not sitting around waiting to find someone to smother with love and affection. So when someone else acts that way towards me it freaks me out. You barely know me, how could you possibly know if you love me or want to be with me in a serious relationship? You may want to be in a serious relationship with my body or love my ass, sure. I know plenty of women like this kind of stuff and enjoy the attention but I can’t stand it. It comes off, to me, as insecure and clingy which are two things I do not like one bit. I mean I know I’m freaking amazing b...

Next time you’re sexy texting, glean a lesson from ole’ Miranda here and double check just who you’re sending your message to. Yesterday, Coach was in a meeting texting me and I decided to send him a sexy picture to embarrass him - he blushes incredibly easy. So I selected one from my array of photos on my phone and happily hit send.   I didn’t get a reply but I didn’t think about it because he was in a meeting. Fast forward about five hours later. I’m on the way home from work when who should call… Sawyer .   I thought he was calling to finish our conversation from last week but the first words out of his mouth were, “You didn’t mean to send me that picture did you?”   It caught me off guard and I had to think for a moment. Then I realized just what in the hell I’d done.   Yep, I accidentally sent the sexy pic to Sawyer, not Coach.   Freudian slip or honest mistake? In my defense, it just so happens that they have the same first name and Sawyer’s last nam...

This week is first thing you think of. Are you ready?  *Stolen from http://blue-eyedvixen.com/ 1. Pink The color or my favorite vibe. - Jules Babies. -Gwyn Lollipops. IDK why lol. - Miranda 2. Lolly pop Chupa Chups - yummy goodness. - Jules Tootsie Roll Pop . - Gwyn Weird!  Cherry blow pops. - Miranda 3. Cherry on top Hell no, maraschino cherries are like Spam...they could survive a nuclear holocaust. - Jules Huh? -Gwyn Tying cherry stems into a knot. No I can't do it but it always impresses me. - Miranda 4. 3 Number of men I had sex with Saturday night - Jules Makes me think of the proposals I do at work...aka 'in section 4.3 please write 858 words in Times New Roman font size 12...' -Gwyn The number of orgasms I have on average during each session with Coach. - Miranda 5. Entertainment center Random...yes, I have a smaller version here in HI than my previous enormous NC ones. - Jules Do people even have those anymore? -Gwyn LOL. I though...

This is the end…I’m pretty sure. Well it seems like ole Clark couldn’t handle seeing me with another guy. I told him in the future he may want to be careful of asking for things because he just might get what he asks for and I hoped this was a life lesson for him. We exchanged about an hour and half worth of texts this morning and finally he told me it made him sick to think that he would never be able to please me like that guy did and that because I wasn’t in tune with his feelings that night obviously I didn’t care about him. He ended it saying he just couldn’t do this. My theory on this is that yes, it was hard for him to watch because he clearly has deeper feelings for me than he wanted to admit to previously BUT I also think he’s taking the easy way out because this is an excuse to end it now and not continue to see me and get even more attached before he moves home. I could be totally off, but I’m usually right on with these things. I called him on it and he denied it. It is wh...

I’m pleased to report that Coach and I had an awesome weekend together. Really it couldn’t have gone any better and it’s the first fully great weekend we’ve had since we’ve been doing the distance thing. Friday for whatever reason (I’m blaming it on the full moon) I literally lost my mind at work.   You can ask Gwyn but I was crazy for some reason. At one point I was hiding under my desk from co-workers drinking a sprite I had spiked with vodka.    Yeah, it was that kind of day.   Anyway, par for the course Coach was calling and texting me telling me he was going to be later than planned because he was playing golf with his coworkers.   It wasn’t any big deal because I had the kids and I figured I’d just see him later when he got to my place. On the way home he called me again and my craziness led me to give him hard time for all the junk his “friends” try to start.   For about 20 minutes I reamed his “friends” lol.   After I picked up the kids, I...

OMG my world has returned to normal and Chloe is back under my roof, but not before another epic Gavin day. I had no sooner gotten myself home today, made coffee, and had some food when Gavin showed up at my house questioning my recent whereabouts. I told him I'd been out and if he had more direct questions, he could ask them. He did. Before he started the interrogation though, he wanted a blow job. It seems he'd come over to reclaim his territory and did so in a very manly, aggressive manner. Rarely do I let him just control me, but I gave it up this morning. I let him pull my hair and move my head around as he wished on his cock. Finally he pulled me off him, came on my cheek, mouth, and chin and rubbed his cock all over it before sticking it back into my mouth. When he finished I laughed and called him on the reclaiming of his land, which he denied but it was exactly what he was doing...hell, I'm just happy he didn't pee on me. After I finished him off, he asked ...

This has been a very eventful weekend, so I'm just going to pick up with Friday night and go from there. This post does not have a happy ending though, sadly. Those of you that voted this week were right, I'm an idiot. Friday night I arrived at Clark's house and he took me out to eat a late dinner. I came home to his house and passed out in the bed I was so tired. I woke up Saturday morning to awesome sex. We spent the week having awesome sex...he was ON it this week. Saturday morning he'd told me he didn't want to cum until that night but it became so intense he couldn't stop. My nipples are still sore and his sheets are in dire need of the laundry. After the sex, we got up and got ready to head out for the day. He wanted to take me to the movies and we needed to run some errands for the evening's event. On the way to the mall, I got a flat tire. It was the bad kind that they can't repair. He tried to fill it with air for me to no avail. We dropped ...

Holy Mother of All of That Is Freaking Holy...my ass is worn the fuck out. This has been quite a week! I am exhausted...super, mega kind but I'll be ok after tonight. Here's the news... Thursday I went to work for a few hours and then to school and took my midterm. It was fine, I think I aced it b/c I am a smarty pants, but it was mentally taxing. As I was coming home, Clark texted me to ask how it went. My icy heart did melt a little bit that he cared enough to remember and ask. He's not overly into others and all. We texted back and forth and he was disappointed that I wasn't coming over, but he hadn't invited me that specific night and I had told him I was hanging with the boys anyway. So it turned out that after we bought our airlines tickets to come visit NC this summer, Russell freaked about money and canceled our wine bar evening but he invited his bf up to the house for dinner and wine on the porch. When I got home, steak was cooking and a lovely bottle of...

About a week ago I started getting drunken text messages from good old College Crush.   Since I’ve been dating Coach, my communication with him has fallen way, way off.   A couple times, College Crush has caught me on Facebook and we’ve instant messaged but that’s been about the sum total of our connection.   I think it was Wednesday night last week when I started getting funny drunk messages from him.   It was just his random normal humor but then he told me, “I know we don’t see each other anymore but I really miss you. You’re a hell of a girl.” HA!   Bless his heart.   He followed up my thanks for the compliment with asking if we could hang out next time he was in town. Yeah, sure, like that’s ever going to happen. It’s not that I wouldn’t hang out with him, but the simple fact is… HE NEVER COMES TO TOWN. That was a huge issue from when we were trying to hang out.   He’s the king of making plans and canceling them for various stupid reasons. Als...

Since Chloe has been on Spring Break, I've been playing house some with Clark. It's been mostly awesome, although today I needed to come home for some "me" time (and also the puppy was missing me). I left Clark's Sunday night after our lovely weekend and came home to study for a mid term I have this week. Monday, I got up at 5am and took Clark to work since he wrecked his car like a month ago and it's still in the shop. His boss has been taking him, but I decided to help out some since I could go into work early this week. I came home Monday night after class and relaxed and slept soundly in my bed.  Tuesday I went back to his house after practicum and he took me out to dinner, ice cream, and shopping. We came home and fucked like bunnies. I really like sex with him...a lot. He fucked me last night all softly and slowly in missionary position (remember not my fave) but I came like crazy. He finally amped it up and railed me, but it was really intense. I hav...