Dating After 40: Do Any of Us Really Know What We Are Doing?

I spent the past weekend at the beach celebrating my high school best friend’s 30th birthday at the beach – it was tons of fun while simultaneously depressing. The first night we got there I went out with my newly 21 year old cousin and he got me completely wasted. I have a decent alcohol tolerance level but I’m totally not used to taking shot after shot all night long like my cousin and his friends. He must have bought me at least 6 shots and one was a mixture of kahlua and tequila – talk about a recipe for disaster. I did learn of a new shot that made me LOL; it’s called the Lindsay Lohan and it’s a red headed slut shot with a splash of coke. Come on now, that’s funny. To add a little background to this story......the last time my high school bff and I took a trip to this particular beach (last summer) it ended with her in jail for 36 hours (on a bogus DUI charge; she blew a 0.0) and me spending the entire weekend in the jail lobby waiting for her to get bonde...

Just a quick Team Miranda update. I know I’ve been promising one for a while and with so many boys in and out I’m sure it’s hard to keep up without a flowchart! Here’s where everyone on Team Miranda stands… Active Players Lawyer Boy – Still an MVP, though he teeters at time. He’s the only team member to really get to meet many of my real life friends so that’s been fun. We’ve been out quite a bit now (I think our first date was back in early April or something). LB is a lot of fun to spend time with and him being smoking hot doesn’t hurt a bit either. Sometimes he frustrates me because he’s so focused on studying for the Bar exam but I guess I have to let that slide. I mean its good he’s a man with goals right? Thankfully, the Bar is just a few weeks away so then I can really see just what LB is really like to date. The hard part of our relationship is there’s always this “distance” between us because we’re both trying to keep it casual until the whole freaking Bar thing is...

How could I have forgotten to include this in my post? Thursday at my work concert, I had a text from Duckie asking if I was working at the concert. I said I was and that I was in the VIP section and that he should come by and I’d give him a free beer. I knew he was “going out” that night but I didn’t know he was coming to my work event. He eventually came by, I handed him a beer, and we exchanged a few pleasantries. Then I handed him two passes to get in the VIP area and he looked quite shocked that I’d do that LOL. He walked off I guess to find his “date” and I did a little victory dance with my friends who were working. After about 20 minutes, he walked in with his date who looked absolutely uncomfortable and terrified LMFAO! She made a beeline for the other side of the VIP area to get some wine and I gave Duckie another beer. He looked so shocked that I was being friendly which is dumb because I’ve gone out of my way to be nice to him. I went back to serving the VI...

Well, I've witnessed something I thought I would never, ever see in life...Gavin has a conscience. I woke up mad as hell about this today and processed it some with Miranda, but as the day has worn on I've come to realize that not everything in the universe has to do with me. For a very self centered person, such as myself, this was a hard realization mind you. Last night, Gavin called me around 6:30 and asked if I wanted to eat dinner with him (by that he meant bring some take out over for us, which he did pay for his portion of). I said "Yes" (of course) and went to his new place where he was working. That man is going to be working on that place for eons. I told Miranda today that it was like stepping into a Third World country going into that house. The floors are subflooring, the walls are a hot mess, the kitchen is the most horrible thing I've ever been in and the bathroom...well, I'll just stop...oh and infested with termites (which fly here btw). Let...

I have been a bad blogger lately and I apologize. A lot has happened, let me fill you in. So mid-week last week Lawyer Boy (LB) disappeared. Now he does this from time to time when he’s really bogged down studying for the Bar so I didn’t think much of it. I sent him a few texts, an email, and called a couple times and no word. I was a little peeved. I mean we’ve talked more than once about how he thinks I’m so cool because I understand the whole studying thing and I always tell him it’s fine and I can deal with his “distraction” as long as he keeps in touch in some way, shape, or form. So I was more than a little annoyed. I even did a ridiculous high school drive by of his house Thursday night after my work concert just to see if anyone was home with him (there wasn’t). I finally heard from him mid-day on Friday. Apparently he’d left his phone at the law library and it took him a couple days to find it. Some of my texts must have been a little bitchy because he apologized hard...

I sometimes step outside of myself and think how did I get here? How did I get to the point in my life? Where were the pivotal points? What choices lead me to where I am now? I've been doing a lot more of this lately due to my current situation, obviously. I started therapy on Thursday in an effort to find a way to co-exist here in this house with Russell for the next 2 years, get my bills paid, and find a way not to kill him in the process. Bert, my therapist, has his job cut out for him...although he doesn't seem to think so. I went into his office Thursday morning and basically spilled it. I told him about my relationship with Russell, the physical fight last week, throwing his shit out, cheating on him, my substance use habits of late, my drinking, and a Reader's Digest version of my family history...oh and yes, I did throw in my profession (which is social work...lol). Do you know what the man told me? He said there's nothing wrong with me, but I just need to learn...

Why must I keep doing it?? It's because I like bad boys. I've always been inexplicably drawn to them. Gavin is my current 'wtf am I thinking?' bad boy. I do things with him that I know I shouldn't. I do things with him that I would totally judge others for. I do things with him that just feel good and comfortable. Tonight I snuck into his house (per his invite). The reason I snuck in was because Russell was home and out on the porch with a friend of ours. I told them bye and started walking up the road like someone was picking me up, then I turned down into a yard past where I knew they could see me and came up in front of Gavin's. It was like I was 15 years old again. Gavin is super paranoid of Russell now since the infamous supermarket run in of May '10 and I didn't want to hear Russell's judgement of where I was going. Gavin's gf comes back to HI on Monday, and I have to say that while I'll miss the open access to his rocking hot body...it...

I met Andy last night and while I must say I had a rocking good time with Gavin Sunday night, I’m not sure I should have blown this guy off. He’s a hottie! He’s in the military and wants to be a dentist when he gets out. He’s able to carry on an intelligent conversation for hours and seems like he’s just a really nice guy all the way around and I don’t’ mean nice as in I’m not into him...like I’ve said about other guys in the past. He just turned 26, which makes me feel like an old woman…but the other issues I’ve had with guys his age in the past don’t seem prevalent here at all. We shall see how this goes. He’s got some amazing talent. Sadly he goes on leave Friday for a month, but I’ve got a pretty crazy month ahead of me anyway. So he comes over to the house last night and we’re hanging out in the kitchen making out and having cocktails and in walks Russell. He got home an hour early from work! He was totally cool about the whole situation and introduced himself to Andy and then w...

Seriously.  I know divorce is a polarizing issue but come on people.  It’s not like it’s a rare occurrence these days.  I mean close to 50% of first marriages end in divorce and something like 60-75% of second marriages end in divorce.  I’m willing to bet every single person who reads this blog knows at least five people who are divorced or are in the middle of a divorce. So why all the judgmental judys out there?  In the last week or so, I’ve had no less than five different women make some disparaging remark or condemning comment about my choice to end my marriage.  And these women hardly know me; they don’t know anything about my marriage, my family, my life, or my relationship with God (I add in that last one because a couple of these women have been bible beaters).  I know my life has undergone tremendous changes in the last 8-9 months.  I know I have experienced tremendous stress and shocking changes.  But come on people!  I’m ...

Friday night I went out to celebrate Miranda’s birthday – girls only so there wasn’t much man activity to report. Of course we all flirted our little tails off for free drinks, I even spent twenty minutes talking to some 25 year old guy about ‘mattress patterns’, ‘textiles’ and ‘the Chinese’ just to get one last rum and coke. Apparently, as I usually do, I did a little bit of drunk texting Friday night because Saturday morning I awoke to a text message at 8am from my old booty call (the one who I drunkenly sleuthed his number of the Internet after Thursday night’s drunken debacle) saying “It’s cool. I’m single now lol.” I don’t know what I texted him on Friday night because I always erase my drunk texts right before I go to bed – it’s kind of like if I erase them they never existed (right?). The funniest part about this is that my former booty call is The Barber’s cousin. We actually met and dated back when I was about 22 years old and at that point The Barber wasn’t in the picture. ...

Well, well...I'm not sure what I've done now, but we'll see how it all plays out in the end. I went to Damien's house Friday night to pick up an application for food stamps (yes, seriously). I had figured out that if I was going to stay on the island, go to school, and try to house Chloe and I on what Russell was willing to pay, I had better find some alternative means to fund this operation. I've always said I would move home before I applied for assistance, but I love it here and again I say I don't want to move Chloe 5000 miles from her Dad. Well, Damien can be a real asshole when you don't agree with him and he's telling me how to fill out this application and that basically I'm going to have to lie if I want to get anything. Hmmmm, ok it was hard enough to swallow the fact that I was having to apply for food stamps, but then I was told I would have to falsify the application. I drew the line, we had a big fight, and I left. He's still pissed...

Birthday party 2 was ridiculous! Out of control! Magnificent! Well, at least what I remember was totally awesome LOL. We kicked off the evening at Gwyn’s house where we chilled and had some of my new favorite drink – OJ & vanilla vodka. Delicious! Then we were fast and furious girls getting ready to go out and managed to only show up to dinner an hour late. Whoops! I kept getting text from the rest of the group about where we were and every time I told them we were on the way. They must think Gwyn lives in BFE. Dinner was a blast. Half the table was under 40 and half the table was way over 40 which was interesting but I was lit and loving it. After taking a gazillion pictures with everyone at the table both wearing and not wearing my sunglasses and managing to break a fifth of vanilla vodka on my food (ouch!) we headed to the piano bar. I remember maybe the first 30 minutes at the piano bar. It was classic! I don’t know why I have no memory of anything from 10-2....

I like to find new toys. ;) Since my current "team" as Miranda refers to it SUCKS, I've decided to kick them all off and start over. DO-OVER! I'm no longer having sex with anyone that I know ahead of time is married or in a relationship. I don't care if it's going poorly, unless you're out of if...don't talk to me. I plan to stand firm on this for at least the next 24 hours. Last night, I was bored and replied to a CL ad and met a nice guy. When I call a guy nice, it means I'm not attracted to him at ALL. Sadly, this was the case. He has some super interesting stories, but I didn't feel the chemistry and he's 27. I met him this afternoon for coffee and we watched sunset together. I agreed to one glass of wine after sunset, but then we parted ways. In this time, Gavin called to see what I was doing. I told him I'd do him later but by the time I got home he crapped out on me and said he was tired from moving all day...whatever, loser. So...

When it rains, it motherfucking pours...I mean seriously. This morning on the way to work, I was thinking how strange I haven't heard from Owen since our market run in. I had thought maybe he was just laying low due to my bff visiting, but it seems not. I sent him a text saying "what's up?". He responded that he's sorry he's been out of communication, but one of his friends told him that Owen's wife told this guy's wife that she's pretty sure Owen is having an affair. Holy Fuck! Owen has assured me in the past that he erases all of our emails and texts, but omg why else would she think this unless she found something?! I don't call (text only) and we only text when he's out. (I texted him this am because I know his schedule and I knew he was working.) I've never been to his house. We only have sex in his van or at my house. My only pause is that maybe Gavin really does know him and said something to someone, but Gavin would have brought...

Last night was legendary. LEGENDARY! It really didn’t end up being totally any one scenario but it was all a bunch of good drunken fun! I don’t even know if I can do it any justice by writing about it but I’ll give you some highlights. So the concert started off with a bang and who should appear, Budweiser Man. Late in the day, he had the balls to text Gwyn and see if she was going to be working the concert. I told her he was totally going to show up and he did. For a while he acted like he was ignoring her, and really Gwyn didn’t want anything to do with him, then he did finally talk to her. I’ll leave that story for her to tell. What’s funny is that for quite a while H3, Braceface, Budweiser Man, and BT were all standing together talking. All the beer guys whose numbers we either currently have or have had LOL. And there was even a new cute beer boy but he’s only 23….I got his number anyway HA! The bartending went great as usual and we worked hard core for tips! By the...

Well things aren't dull here, that's for sure...dull might be nice, but I'm not really a big fan. My bff left today after 2 weeks and I'm super sad. Apparently when I'm sad, I crave sex. Who am I currently having sex with? Gavin...I know, I know...judge away. He came over Monday night after all the drama...apparently he claims now that he heard nothing and that his presence was purely by chance. You guys know that story...we did it in Russell's bed...haha. Then we took Tuesday night off b/c we were both in recovery mode. I don't want to elaborate, but I did some things Monday that I haven't done in years b/c I just needed to dull the rage. Things are back in check though...really, I mean it. So he came back over last night and we got it on again in Russell's room...mainly just because. ;) My bff and Chloe were asleep in my room, so it just seemed logical (and well...I just wanted too). Russell and I met last night before this and discussed our divo...

Remember those Choose Your Own Adventure books from the 70s and 80s?  The ones where you “cast” yourself in the role of the protagonist and then had to make choices along the way while you were reading that either led to a great ending (usually with a monetary tie-in) or a death.  Well, said analogy is a rather good descriptor for how we’ve been perceiving our dating lives lately. From our posts, you know we’ve both made some really good choices (re: Gwyn) and some really bad choices (re: Miranda) with our various team members.  Lately, quite a few of these choices have been tied to events occurring at or after our work concerts each Thursday.  Well, it’s Thursday and there’s another concert tonight where Gwyn and Miranda will be running the VIP bar.  An awful lot of our team players will be there.  Tonight, if played correctly, could go down as legendary.  LEGENDARY! However, if we make one wrong step along the way, it could end with severe penalt...

Wanted to share some of my favorite lines I have heard from guys recently (and one old school line for good measure). I swear men are too much some times. And you wonder why we don't believe a word you say......enjoy! The Inmate (upon hearing he took my virginity) “Maybe I can be your first and your last.” High School Hookup (we were about 15 at the time) “I make beautiful babies.” Crossfit (on our first date; making a comparison between our stargazing and spooning) “You can be the little dipper and I’ll be the big dipper.” The Inmate (via text; referring to the strawberries I was eating) “Are you going to let me put some one you? You will love it. I can do things to you that you only dream of.” (Extra info: I responded with “Doubtful.”) Truck Driver (via text after I looked through his phone) “I’m gonna f**k the s**t out of you when I get back for putting me through all this.” The Barber (from the first night we met; since then he doesn’t really use li...

My life has morphed into a bad Lifetime movie. So, Sunday night I threw Russell's shit into the yard/car. Monday he worked and I took a mental health day. I kept Chloe home and told her that Mommy and Daddy are divorcing. She handled it REALLY well. I mean there were a few tears and she's super sad, but it wasn't like I expected. I think my parent's divorce desensitized her some. Anyway, he came home Monday night despite the advice of several people (myself included). The night started out ok, because he had told me that we would talk Monday night. Well, we never did...he told me after our very late dinner that he was "drained" and we would talk tomorrow morning. Initially I was ok with this, until I realized that he had been talking to everyone on the fucking island BUT me about the situation ALL day. He talked to my bff who's here visiting, his friend that is also here visiting, Damien, etc. The final straw was when I found him on the porch talking to hi...

With all my boy crazy antics of late, I want to bring things to a more sobering level. Jules’ situation is weighing heavy on my heart. I’m sure there are people who read this blog and are shocked and frankly appalled by some of what we talk about and do and they question if the boys and sex are the only things we focus on in our lives. I can assure you it’s not. Leaving your marriage and throwing your family into chaos is not something done on a whim or without great thought and consideration. Those of you who contemplate leaving know the stark fear you feel no matter how good or bad your marriage was/is/has been. Fear that you are doing the wrong thing. Fear at feeling like a failure because you couldn’t make your marriage work. Fear that you’re ruining your child’s life. Fear of being judged. Fear of having to justify your decision to every important person in your life. Fear that you won’t be able to “make it” on you own. Fear that every single thing in your life will be c...

I mean really.  So this weekend was supposed to be me being a good girl since I had the kids.  Going to bed early, not drinking, and certainly no boys.  Oh how it all went downhill… First up Friday night.  I had to work late so any actual face-to-face boy play was out.  But College Crush (CC) was out with his friends and he got shitty drunk and was texting me the funniest stuff.  By about eight, I’d already started receiving mushy “I miss you and I think about you all the time” texts.  By 10, they had changed to even more mushy “I wish we could spend all our time together” texts.  Somewhere around midnight, they started getting dirty lol.  I was supposed to be sleeping by this point but it was just too entertaining.  I don’t think I’ve ever dirty texted before (email, now that’s a whole nother story) and it was quite fun.  By about three, the phone rang.  CC actually called me to finish our, ahem, conversation.  When a...

The title of today's post really has nothing to do with the post topic - just wanted to make a statement I suppose. Work has been driving me literally insane lately (just ask Miranda....) and I haven't had too much energy to devote to the ever-shrinking man team. Hence the 'ever-shrinking' part.......... I went out of town early last week to go to my cousin's eighth grade graduation and awards ceremonies. Long story short - I spent 8 hours on Thursday watching her get medals, pins, diplomas, plaques, etc. I'm definitely glad I went because my little genius cousin got the award for highest grade point average in every single one of her classes - except PE (the complete opposite of me who won every athletic award possible but did just enough to get As in my academic classes). I sort of felt bad for the other parents every time my cousin's name got called but hey we can't all be the best! However, the pomp and circumstance involved in the ceremonies was ...

Things here have been fucked up lately...we've been having some knock down drag out fights and tonight it went to a whole new level. The entire field changed, but I still hold the cards (or balls or whatever analogy you pick). Russell walked out of the house after dinner tonight with the announcement that he was spending the night at his bf's house. We don't do spend the nights at other houses when Chloe is home...period. It's THE rule. He said he was tired of my rules and he was changing them. I told him his shit was on the front lawn and he should come get it before the sprinklers did...he was too slow. His friend that came to live with us for the summer was trying to pick it up, as was my bff until I told them very sternly to get out of the yard. I felt badly for Chloe waking up and seeing that though, so I decided later to put his sopping wet mess of stuff into his car until he decides to come and get it. I promptly went and drained our bank account so I would have ...

I never thought I’d say this but I’m a little bit ashamed of my own behavior in the last 24 hours. It was just silly, over-the-top, and out of control. I don’t even really want to blog about it but in the spirit of this being all about confession…. It all started with a little afternoon hook up with Sawyer. We haven’t seen each other in a while so in some ways it had that nervous feeling of the first time. Weird. I have to be honest, it was pretty awesome. Not just the sex, but the whole thing. After we did the dirty mambo, we just laid there for like an hour talking about all kinds of stuff. We used to do that all the time and that’s where we really developed the friendship and ultimately the “dangerous” feelings for each other. It was nice to talk and not be playing any of those freaking games with each other. So we just hung out for a while and chatted and then I had to head back for yet another of those work concerts. When he was leaving, we were both stalling, I don’t...

I have got to stop sleeping with men that live in the same town that I do...it's too small and it's making me paranoid. Today I was in the 7-11 right around the corner from my house and I was 99% sure that I saw the Chilean guy by the soda machine. I did NOT want to run into him and start a convo in front of my bff (or really just at all), so I went behind an end cap and crouched down on the floor while I made my bff scope out his location. He got in line and the line was for freaking ever...so there I sat crouched on the floor feeling like an idiot, texting Miranda (b/c I knew she'd love the visual), and waiting for him to go. I finally poked up to check on his status and realized as he was walking out the door that it WASN'T him. How freaking embarrassing...seriously. In other news, Russell is being a total asshole these days...really I have days where I have to hide the knives from myself. Today he had his bf pick him up at the house to return the kid's car to u...

In my various dating exploits these last three months (yes it has only been three month lol – seems like a lifetime since I moved out) I’ve been intrigued by this whole “who’s paying for what” deal with dating. I’ll be honest, women’s lib aside; I do think the boy should pay on the first few dates. I have no logic behind that other than that’s just what I think. That being said, I do always offer to split the check or at least make the old fake out rummaging around in my purse like I’m looking for my wallet move. I mean I’m a grown ass woman I should at least pretend to offer right? Now as a relationship progresses I think it evens out more and you share the bill more often. In the vast majority of my dates, the guy immediately either just takes the check no questions asked or he sees my fake rummaging and tells me not to even think about paying. A few of them have even been a little insulted that I would even think I needed to pay. Other than the random awfulness of Toe B...