Dating After 40: Do Any of Us Really Know What We Are Doing?

I need to push the pause button for a moment b/c I have NO idea what to do and that's an unusual phenomena for me. The Hungarian sent me all those crazy texts Friday night and it sent me into lukewarm mode. I was a little afraid of our weekend plans after those texts and I was hating Russell yesterday (which I'm over btw) and when I got to the Hungarian's house yesterday I was feeling a little chilly...until he opened an awesome bottle of wine that one of his friends (who are winemakers!) gave him and then I started to loosen up. I'm a sucker for wine...it makes me a nicer person...but when I got there initially I was annoyed with him. My annoyance was probably left over for the texts the night before, but also from Russell. I realized it quickly and suggested that we leave his house for food and wine ASAP. He opened the wine, took me out for Greek food, and things improved. He actually ordered my food for me, which is not something I love at all, but it was cute...so I...

OMG pretty much sums up my date with College Crush. Now if you’ve been following the story, CC is the guy who I crushed on all through college (obviously) but we never hooked up, never went on a date, never anything. After school we lost touch and randomly I ran into him right after Duckie and I moved in our first house about 8 years ago. He was actually living nearby and we did the whole “let’s hang out” thing but still we never actually did. Fast forward to about a year ago, we reconnected via Facebook and started occasionally chatting. Chatting naturally turned into flirting and he pretty much saw/heard me go through everything with my dad passing away and with my marriage falling apart with Duckie. Things stayed very friendly and about the time I moved out, they got decidedly more flirty and intense. We switched to texting and more days than not we exchange at least a couple messages. During this whole time I’ve pestered him about not having a profile picture on Facebook...

No sooner had I hit send yesterday on that post then the Hungarian starts drunk texting me things...the first weird one was when he sent one saying "I luv U.". I assumed he was just being drunk and stupid and told him I was chalking that text up to too much alcohol. He said he was going to stop texting and we'd talk later, which I thought was a splendid idea...until about an hour later when I got another text from him. This was one asked, "Will U b my GIRLFRIEND?". WTF??? Dude, I've know you what...a week? Now I really like this guy and he treats me like a total princess, so I'm going to try to let it slide that a week into this he's professing feelings...but c'mon. Why must men do this? My response to him was "Let's see how the weekend goes...ask me again later". You know like in 6 -12 months or something...I realize I'm not your typical girl and most women would cream in their panties for a guy that wanted to be with them so q...

I’m going to start calling my house the maxi-pad (Reality Bites rip off). I am currently living with 2 gay men for the summer. Russell’s college roommate has moved in with us for the summer to help take care of Chloe while she’s out of school and we’re working. Two of my girlfriends are coming to visit…it seems an appropriate moniker. I’m excited about this summer though. I finally feel like I’m coming back into me after years of being a mom and a wife. It’s nice to find myself again. Remember how like yesterday I posted on my possible summer line up? Well, we’ve had another fly get caught in the web. About a year ago, Russell and I met this guy that was in the military. His name is “Jay”. Jay’s fantasy in life was a 3sum, but we gave him a 4sum instead. Russell was seeing someone at the time and everyone came over one night and it was intense fun. Well, Jay got weird afterward and said he couldn’t do it again b/c his gf had moved out here. Then he contacted me a few months later, we...

Well last night proved to be most interesting.  My work was doing another one of those concerts.  Gwyn and I were bartending the VIP section and sweating it out.  It was HOT!  Randomly, I got a call from Lawyer Boy.  He had decided he and his little girl were going to come to the concert!  Yeah he's coming - wait a minute... he's bringing his kid??? Now during the 48-hour date, kids were one of the many things we discussed.  We both said introducing your kids to the person you were dating was a serious step, you couldn’t just introduce them to anyone.  And for me, I don’t intend for Leo and Ladybug to even get wind that I’m dating anyone until after the divorce is final.  So when he called me and said they were coming to the concert, I was a little hesitant but he said we’d just keep the kid on the down low so to speak.  I mean it’s a concert and I was bartending so it’s not like I’d have that much interaction.  Almost immediat...

Holy Crap, I think I've found a guy I actually want to date and hang out with...how did this happen? And why oh why must he live ACROSS the island?? I went to the Hungarian's house last night. We were going to do a drive up Tantalus and look out over the city at night, but I didn't get there until 9:45pm and we were both too tired after working all day. When I arrived, I came into the kitchen to wine, cheese (brie at that), crackers, and chocolate. Dude, I'm in love - OK SO JUST KIDDING...but seriously, it was all of my favorite things in life right there in one spot and I didn't have to procure any of it. We ended up hanging out at his house all night, getting high (everyone on this island smokes...I mean everyone...I'm pretty sure even the Republican Governor), drinking wine, and playing around until 3am when he passed out and I realized I was going to as well if I didn't get up to drive home. (I'd only had half a bottle of wine and I'd quit drink...

So my upcoming date with College Crush is this Saturday and despite my best efforts in the past, I could never get him to send me a picture. There were some on Facebook but they were all relatively old. I mean I’ve been literally nagging him for months to put a profile picture up or at least text me a picture and he’s gone through every excuse in the book. Well with the impending date, I suppose I finally broke him and I got a picture of CC last night. I started texting him about 4:00 and harassing him about sending a picture and after various excuses and delays he did finally send one, albeit a slightly blurry crappy one about 10:15 or so last night. Gwyn and I had worked ourselves into a near Lifetime Movie hysteria over waiting for the picture and I admit I was totally preparing myself for the worst. I was imagining CC as fat, bald, zitty, and old. I was pleasantly surprised though. From what I can tell in the picture, he does seem to have some of that middle-age spread g...

What’s with all the ass play these days?  Just something I’ve been ruminating on while I should be working.  Back in my hey-day of slutting around (though I’m fast making up ground now) the ass was never on the menu.  In fact, I can’t remember even one guy making a play for the ass until one freaky night with Duckie very early on in our relationship (his one and only chance he ever got BTW). So far, every guy I’ve slept with during my rebirth into singlehood has made an ass request or just slipped in a little ass play (ew- gross unintended pun).  Sawyer has always asked about it though I’ve never let him go there.  The crazy night where he fucked with me emotionally I almost did though I recanted at the last moment.  Motorcycle Man asked about it but frankly, I was scared to let his big old snake in my mouth much less my ass.  Lawyer Boy has been a little all over the place ass wise (ha – the puns in this post are killing me).  Our first cra...

Per Miranda’s request, I’ve decided to do a quick post about my underwear planning system. What I should be doing is trying to pull myself out from under the 1,000lbs of weight that is my work this week, but then I can’t complain to my boss at our 11am meeting about how busy and overwhelmed I am. In my world, there are three levels of underwear. Level 3 underwear are those that you wear on a day-to-day basis, mainly when it’s not likely someone else will see them. This level has many aliases including ‘period panties’ and ‘grandma drawers’. Level 2 underwear are the ones you wear when you are pretty sure someone is going to see them but you’re not sure whether or not you want them to end up on the floor. Cute and sexy enough to turn the guy on but not so sexy that they scream “Do me now!” Level 1 underwear, the kind Miranda recently stocked up on, are those panties that you wear when you know for sure you’re going to be getting it on. Either that, or you know for sure that you want ...

My 48 hour date with Lawyer Boy has left me exhausted, worn out, and with a ridiculous smile on my face which can only be attributed to a hilariously fun filled weekend! One thing I forgot to mention on the mid-date update was that Friday night I still hadn’t heard from Motorcycle Man so I sent him a text telling him to have a good weekend and got back a pseudo-pissy one saying he “wasn’t going to bid for my time and now he remembered why he quit calling me last time.” LOL! I guess he’s finally done and over with. I did send him back a nice text saying sorry we were just at different points and that I did think he was a great guy.   Back to LB… So LB came back after his study break and we hung out for just a bit.  I’ve mentioned it before but he’s got a hot body.  He’s a long time surfer so he’s got that swimmer’s build with big broad shoulders, cut arms, and a narrow little waist with a six pack.  He looked so freaking good! He had on these tan pants and a...

Yesterday my beloved Volvo S40 died and it's being sent out to pasture....RIP. Russell was at work when I called him with the news. He texted me around 1pm yesterday to tell me that for the time being I'm going to drive his car and he's going to drive his bf's car since you know his bf got a DUI and technically can't use it for 6 months anyway. THE best part - his bf's car is a tiny bright ass yellow thing...it's hilarious...really. All it's missing is a pride flag....so tempted. -Jules

Last night I had a fantastic date in town with Mr. Hungary. He's pretty cool and yes Miranda, sweet. ;) As I was walking up to the bar to meet him last night, a guy stopped me on the sidewalk and told me that if I'm looking for a boyfriend, he was available. It was so stupid, but ego boosting. I told my Texas the other day that men never randomly hit on me...ever. Of course, I always have a kid in tow...but still. Anyway, when I got to the bar Mr. Hungary not only walked out to meet me but he had also saved me a seat at the bar...score. It was Friday night in Waikiki, bar stools are a commodity as we found out later in our bar progression. We were going to eat at this same restaurant, but they had a band playing and it was loud. We walked around some looking for another place and finally decided on the Top of Waikiki. The view from there at night is spectacular...the food was ok. It was a very romantic dinner though looking over the city. After this, we took a short walk on the...

Just a quick mid-date update. Things are rocking! Lawyer Boy came over last night and we hung out for a while before we headed out for dinner. Then we hit up this totally random, sketchy looking bar and totally befriended the owner and staff. Somehow I bartered my help with marketing for the bar in exchange for free drinks LOL . LB also was throwing out the legal advice and the owner and staff were eating it up. It's like we became the VIPs of this sketchy, crusty, pseudo-biker bar. Hilarious! We ended up staying there until about 3:30 hanging out with the owner and we had to promise to come back tonight. After I randomly made LB a grilled cheese ( WTF ) we had quite a lovely end to the evening though I think we were both about to crash so I'm expecting even better in the future. We talked so much about all kinds of stuff last night. I'm so glad the chemistry is still there! I did send him off for a few hours to get his studying done because it was so obviously n...

Russell and I had a very interesting and honest conversation last night. It started with a fight though that he kind of started. I’m usually the one that starts those, but not this time. He started in again on Gavin and I told him that people in glass houses shouldn’t throw such large stones. He asked what I meant and I fessed up to FB stalking his bf and learning that he has a DUI. I accused him of not telling me for fear I’d judge this kid even more than I already do and he admitted some small truth to that, but he also knew I’d look at some point and find out for myself. He said he was just biding his time. We agreed that we will not ever introduce Chloe to anyone that we are seeing with substance abuse issues. Although technically Gavin met Chloe at a neighbor’s house last weekend, but not in the context I’m talking about here. I told him I’d heard enough about his opinion of Gavin. It’s not that I felt some burning desire to defend his character (because he really doesn’t have an...

I love being single so freaking much!  Each week in the summer, my work hosts an outdoor concert.  I typically volunteer to work the VIP section.  It’s easy, I can flirt with guys old and young alike, and I get free beer.  Can’t beat that!  So last night instead of working the “door” like normal I hopped behind the bar and lived out my fantasy of being a bartender.  I flirted left, right, up, down, old, young, ugly, cute.  It was crazy fun.  One of the other volunteers got very flirty with me too.  He shall be known as Baby because….he’s only 24.  Eeeek!  I know!  I’m a cougar; actually, he said I’m just a cub.  We did exchange numbers and some very flirty texts afterwards but I’m keeping Baby in a playpen for now.  Though I’ll admit, I had some Mrs. Robinson fantasies while playing with Baby and tending bar.  At any rate, he’ll be at the concerts for the majority of the season so he shall provide me with gre...

I think this is one of my biggest attractions...I like the hunt. The problem with it is this when I find a guy that likes me and is truly available, I'm out. I'm sure this speaks volumes about me on a deep psychological level. Mr. NY has been blowing my phone up this week with texts. I find this overly weird b/c we've seen each other twice...yep, I said twice. How can you be that into someone after 2 "dates" and if he was so into me in the 1st place, then why did he post another ad? He claims it's because I was being lukewarm (true) and he didn't see this going anywhere based on my lack of availability. Apparently, he didn't correlate my last of availability with my lack of interest. I did have Sunday night's date over Tuesday night for wine and sex. It was fun, but he is a little chubby. Well, not chubby so much as just not fit. He's going to the Big Island tomorrow for 4 days and then I think he leaves for Guam soon after that. I'm not s...

So I feel like I need to confess. Yesterday was a full on boy mania slut-tastic day. The Barber texted me about 10am "Do it for lunch?" Of course, I said hell yes. I met him at my house for a quickie about noon. Then, at 5pm I gave in and let The Inmate come over and hang out for a little while before he had to be back at the halfway house. We didn't do anything physically at all, but if I would have indicated the slightest interest it would have been on like donkey kong. As soon as The Inmate left my house, I went to run an errand and then picked up Chinese food for me and Truck Driver to eat for dinner. I went over to Truck Driver's house about 6:30pm and stayed until about 10:30pm. We did the deed at approximately 9:30pm - by my calculations this makes me a huge slut. I'm not sure what came over me yesterday but I'm going to chalk it up to pent up frustration in dealing with my insurance company (aka the devil) all morning about my car. It was either ha...

Mr. Chile is pulling ahead at the moment. I'm trying really hard to get past the wierd sex stuff because today was the most awesome "date" ever. He took me stand up paddleboarding. I've been dying to do this the entire time we've lived here and today I got to do it for about an hour and a half. It was awesome!! He was so patient with me geting started. I'd never stood in the water on anything other than a boat before, so standing on a board seemed nuts. It took me like 4 attempts to actually stand up and then another 5 minutes of so to "get my sea legs". Then, I paddled all around the beach, down under a bridge into a cool river, and back out to sea. I almost lost it a little on this part. When I went back out to sea, the water was choppy and the wind had picked up. It was beyond my level of experience (um, which is none) and I got a little nervous, so I sat down. I was way the hell out and he'd been lying down in the sand. Well he popped up, no...

OMG Lawyer Boy is back!  Gwyn and I were having a conversation about how all guys have a purpose and the subject of Lawyer Boy came up and I declared I’d call him at lunch today.  After almost chickening out, I HATE to call a guy first, I did.  And we had an awesome 45-minute conversation.  We talked about all sorts of stuff and the best part of talking to him has always been that he really listens and asks questions.  He also really talks about stuff, not just chitchat.  He is definitely a good conversationalist.  Maybe the best I’ve been out with thus far. Lawyer Boy did apologize for it being so long between the last time we saw each other and said he’d just been overwhelmed with studying for the bar and ex drama and taking care of his little girl.  Plus he’d lost his phone so he didn’t have my contact info.  Whatever, I really don’t care about the excuses.  I wasn’t ever pissed, just disappointed.  On the new phone note, he...

I realize I have been slacking lately on the blog and I apologize. Work has been crazy and last week was capped off with a hit and run accident that totaled my car – I was on my way to see Truck Driver when these guys ran a red light and hit me….then took off. Truck Driver was nice enough to come and sit with me while I waited on the police and even after the police got there (he had just gotten into town from being on the road, this was about 2:30am). Needless to say it sort of ruined the mood for the night but we still managed to have some fantastic sex which helped me forget about the accident at least for a little while. I have been wanting a new car so maybe this is a blessing in disguise – grandma also told me she’d give me a couple thousand dollars to help with a downpayment under the condition that I don’t drive the new car at 2am. If she only knew where I was going at 2am…..I lied and told her I was going to pick up my drunk roommate. If you read my other blog, you know grandm...

So I think I’ve mentioned I play softball and yes, I have made quite a few lesbian friends from this endeavor.  One girl in particular, I’ve become pretty good friends with and Ladybug loves her to death.  She talks about this girl all the time and says she’s her best friend.  Well last night the kids and me went to dinner with this girl.  On the way home, I had to ask Duckie to grab Leo from school because I was running late and when I got to his house, we actually had a brief visit.  I mentioned in passing that the kids and I were going out to dinner with this girl last night and he made some random comment like “Oh I didn’t know you were such good friends” but I didn’t really think of it either way.  So we go to dinner and then this morning Duckie calls Ladybug (it’s her fourth birthday – hurrah!).  After talking to her and Leo, he asks to talk to me – this NEVER happens.  I get on the phone and he busts out with, “Are you and GIRL having ...

I was just looking at my course schedule for the fall when it hit me, I might find a hottie professor while in school. Then, I looked up the faculty and decided that wasn’t in the cards. When I was in my undergrad program, I had a HUGE crush on one of my professors. I was with Russell though, so nothing to be done about it. Well that and I was 23 and he was probably 43 at the time…just not an appropriate thing, but the man is yummy all the same. This is what I’m doing at work today while I’m so exhausted I can hardly function. I had a date last night with this guy from PofF. We started chatting last week and we were finally able to go out last night. It was a really fun date, but I don’t know about him. He’s military, going to Guam, and will be traveling back to HI every few months for training. The other thing is that while we didn’t have sex…I could tell he’s hung, but I could also tell that he could stand to lose a few pounds. I don’t mean that to sound ugly, but I’m really into fi...

I'm literaly ROFL...dude, Russell is my total hero right now. He went to the market just now to pick up alcohol for tonight and who should be in that aisle, but Gavin and our neighbor guy. Important to insert that he was with our friend, Kevin, who the neighbors think is his bf, but really is a guy that we had a 3way with and we still hang around (non-sexually). Neighbor guy (who knows about Gavin and I in the past) said "Hey" to Russell and then said "Do you two know each other?" meaning Russell and Gavin. Neighbor guy then goes to look at something and Russell turns to Gavin shakes his hand and says "Hey, aren't you the guy fucking my wife?". Gavin apparently turned 83 shades of pale and "Yeah, I think so.". OMG, I'm still dying laughing as I type this. When the neighbor guy comes back, Gavin said "Don't you live down the street?". Russell said that there was nothing but a total look of intimidation on his face. Gavin ...

It’s just been a hell of a week wrapped up by a very abnormal, fun, and weird Saturday. Thursday I worked at a benefit concert for my work. There are tons of stories here starting with as I left a slightly inebriated voicemail for Gwyn a “hot hottie hotterton” very good looking beer guy. Gwyn and I spent a couple hours drooling over him and at the end of the event I got to meet this fine fellow. He’ll be at all the benefit concerts to come so the eye candy will be delightful. Randomly his “boss” ended up asking to be introduced to me that same night. Cute guy, a little on the sort side though. We hung out for a couple hours after the concert just talking. He was trying to bring a big game for a short guy but it was fun to flirt and play. I did let him kiss me a time or two. But seriously, he’s so not Team Miranda eligible. Number one he’s only an inch or so taller than me, number two he clearly thinks he’s a player, and number three, call me shallow, but he lives in a trailer. LOL!...

Sanity is such an arbitrary term anyway, but I'm pretty sure mine's gone. Feel free to judge me here, but I had sex with Gavin last night. I sent Miranda a text last night and her reply was "Ewwwww did you kiss him?" I responded "No way! That would have been gross!" Oh why, oh why can't I get that man out of my kitty?? He's not on my brain that's for sure, but the kitty loves it...even knowing the gross shit that I do about him and his gf...ugg. He's moving next week, which I really do think will be a big step and then he goes to NJ for the summer. When I asked him last night why he's not moving in with his gf, he responded "Because she has a restraining order out on me...". WTF? Why am I even talking to this guy, much less having sex with him?? Why must I like the bad boys? I guess it's the sense of danger and excitement. Speaking of danger, I went for my annual exam yesterday. I got fully tested, so next week this time I ...

Miranda, the fact that FJB thought you accidentally sent him a text meant for one of your gf's sparked this post. I am so hungover today (yep, it's a Thursday...but after you read this post, you'll get why). I got a text yesterday afternoon from Russell that was OBVIOUSLY intended for his bf. I won't go into details because honestly it made me throw up in my mouth a little, but it involved fingering his ass. Ok, so I lied...there was some detail in there. Anyway, I pointed out his faux pas and I got texts back along the lines of "LMAO". Um, that's NOT cool. First of all, I was disgusted by reading that text...which is a good thing b/c if the thought of Russell sexually completely repulses me...it means I'm out of the jealousy phase (thank you again, FB). Second of all, I got super pissed by his response to his error. I had to literally text yell at him for an hour before he apologized sincerely. WTF? He's damn near 40 years old...he's such an i...

So things have been all over the place this week. After FJB’s weirdness of our last date, I finally had a blunt conversation with him. Apparently, after our night together I sent him a text that was “I’m still in bed. Haha. FJB (well his real name) rocks!” When he got that text, he thought it was odd; that it sounded like I didn’t mean to send it to him but to one of my girls instead. That coupled with the fact that apparently I let it slip that night that I had a joint blog with two other girls made him feel a little awkward. (I'll say on one had I think this whole issue is stupid but at the same time if the roles were reversed, I can understand why he feels like this. Also, I wish my lips didn't get so loose when I drank! I haven't told any of the boys other than Sawyer about the blog and I can't for the life of me think why this came up in conversation. Oh well!) He was up front during this discussion and said right off the bat that he has “trust issues” an...