Tuesday, October 4, 2011

TMI Tuesday - Breaking Up Is Hard To Do

1. What’s the worst reason you have been given for breaking up? 
"I'm getting back with my ex gf...the stripper." To this day, I hate strippers all because of that one guy. Ok, well not all because of... - Jules
It wasn't technically a break up because we weren't a couple but hearing FJB say he had "trust issues" and thought we should go back to just being friends was stupid.  To this day when I hear someone say "trust issues" I want to grab them by the throat and smack them about their head. - Miranda

I've always done the breaking up, it's much easier that way! - Gwyn 
2. What’s the worst reason you gave, to someone, for breaking up? 
I'm getting married. ROFL...true though. Hell, I don't know. I don't really break up with people, I just fade away. I did tell SD that he reminded me of a painful time in my life, which was not true but I didn't have the heart to tell him that his short dick creeped me out.  - Jules 
Again not a break up but Nerd Boy who only got a second date because I'd lost my earring and he went to the park and found it reminded me way too much of Duckie. Telling him he reminded me of the husband I'd just left was pretty awful all around. - Miranda
I'm all about the truth so I try to always tell the truth when it comes to ending relationships. Usually it's either I'm just not that into it anymore (which I say, but in a nice way lol), I've met someone else I'm more interested in, or I'm tired of being treated like crap. I guess I feel like if I was going to get dumped I'd like to know the real reason, even if it hurts, rather than be fed a line of crap. So I try to do that for the people I dump hahahahaha I'm so kind. -Gwyn  
3. Have you ever engineered the end of a relationship e.g doing something you know will put the other person off? If yes, what did you do?
Inadvertently, yes...my marriage. I was cheating on Russell for several years before we talked about an open marriage. I know open marriages mostly fail on an epic level, yet I was over it and I needed an out but at the time I wasn't brave enough for the final push. Having an open marriage and then catching him breaking the rules was merely my out (she says in hindsight). - Jules
In my pre-Duckie days I was usually the break-upee so nothing that I remember from then. Though there have been plenty of boys in the last year and a half that I think I pushed away by ignoring them or not being available or doing things subconsciously to hold them at arms length. - Miranda
I only did that with The Ex. I would pick fights over things that weren't that big of a deal (cleaning the bathroom, not watching the shows I wanted to watch, being late, etc.) and then use that as a jumping off point for fighting with him about EVERYTHING I thought was wrong with our relationship. It never led to the full out breakup though so I haven't used that tactic since. -Gwyn 
4. Have you ever stayed with a partner just because you could not bear to end it? 
Of course, again my marriage. I have a child with him and even though I know staying together for the kids never works, I couldn't bring myself to leave for a long time. I was afraid of doing it alone. I still am, but I knew that being unhappy wasn't the answer either. On some level, I'm also struggling with this with regards to Gavin. I love the ease and convenience and the great sex but I know it's a short term thing at this point because he is struggling to keep his shit together and it's just not my place to "fix" it all for him. People change when they want to change, not when you want them to do so. - Jules
I held on to Coach for an extra month though I saw the writing on the wall. If you look back at older posts, I knew by mid-June that July was going to "be hard for us" AKA was the end of it for us.  And true to prediction, we were officially over before the end of July. I don't miss who he turned out to be, but I still do miss what I though he was. I guess it's a good thing though that I realize the difference at least now :) - Miranda
I did that with The Ex to a point. It wasn't necessarily because I couldn't bear to end it but more because I knew he'd be an even bigger dick once I dumped him and I didn't want to have to deal with it. I was right, he was incredibly difficult to break up with but it was the best decision I've ever made. He's still in NC with a crazy baby mama, no degree, and a crappy job unloading trucks. I'm in Hawaii living the dream with an amazing boyfriend and an awesome new family. I WIN! -Gwyn  
5. Have you ever encouraged a friend to end a relationship? What happened? Are you still friends? 
Yes, countless times. I have always been the person people unload on, so I'm also the person giving out advice a lot. On a specific note, I've encouraged my bff to leave several relationships and in the end, it's ended and yes we are still best friends. - Jules
I have and I've had it done to me.  That's the good thing about having good girlfriends like Jules and Gwyn. I think we've all told one another at some point to leave a relationship and we're all still friends.  Over the years I've very gently told people to leave relationships and we were ok friend wise.  And of course I've told Sawyer a thousand times he should leave, which he hasn't.  
Constantly. What happens is the person knows what I'm saying is true and good advice but the person won't ever leave their mate until they find out for themselves. Until they are truly ready to leave. When I was with The Ex my friends all told me to leave him, and I knew I should, but I didn't until I was totally ready. I told Miranda to leave Coach as soon as she found out about the first round of major lies, I knew she wouldn't because she wasn't ready but as her friend I felt like I needed to tell her the truth. I always base my reasoning (for telling someone they should leave their significant other) on their happiness - if this person isn't making you happy then I'm not going to be supportive of it. If they are making you happy, even if I think they're a moron/loser/asshole, I'll be supportive of the relationship. -Gwyn 
Bonus: Have you ever been the cause of a relationship to end? Tell us about it. 
I have not been to the best of my knowledge, although it's a fine line I'm walking with Owen right now and his increased level of contact being so frequent and risky. He wants out of a craptacular marriage, but because of his kids can't seem to walk away. He's definitely working on some self sabotaging behavior though if she catches him. He's been having affairs for over 5 years, so either she chooses to ignore it or hasn't fully caught on yet. Same thing I suppose with Gavin...if the gf found out, she would most likely end it (for a few months per her previous MO each and every time he's cheated). When you fuck attached men, this is the risk but since it hasn't happened yet, I'm willing to keep taking said risks for the immediate, amazing, instant gratification payoffs. - Jules
Not that I know of but aside from my relationship with Sawyer and one time in high school, I tend to stay away from guys who are in relationships.  - Miranda
Nope. I don't want someone's leftovers lol. -Gwyn

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