Saturday, October 29, 2011

8 Days, Working on My 30.

I swear I feel like I'm working toward recovery. Gwyn and I were discussing it today and I've decided we must form Bad Relationships Anonymous. Gavin had not called at all since our tense convo/voice mails on Monday. I was doing a really great job of moving the fuck on, until he called me 6 times from the airport asking me for a ride home from the airport last night. I actually laughed out loud that he would assume I would not only pick him up and drive him home, but would want to hang out with him after that.

Once I knew he was safely on the plane, I called and left a voice mail telling him that I would not be there to pick him up and that I did not want to see or talk to him again. I said I was pretty damn certain in the past few days he had not given up cocaine or broken up with his gf and since NOTHING had changed, I really didn't have anything to say. This did not deter him from calling me back 4 more times last night after he landed. Either he's totally obsessed in a crazy stalker kind of way or he's in love with me and won't  admit it beyond saying he had "feelings" for me...regardless, I'm standing firm in my resolve to finally hold true to what I want now. I'm finished catering to his needs, as I have spent the last year and a half doing. It's hard as hell, but each day gets a little easier. It is MUCH harder now that I know he's back, but still easier than it was last week (you know, before I caved like a little bitch).

The universe has done quite the job affirming my decision this week. In addition to all the things I've already posted, I overheard a convo at the salon the other day where one of the hairdressers was gossiping about Gavin and the gf and noted that the gf's son told her that he REFUSED to live with Gavin any longer and was leaving. He's 13. Gwyn pointed out that a kid even knew to cut him out of their life and I should take notes. Gavin totally lied to me about this because he said the kid just wanted to live near his dad. Another sad but poignant convo happened last night at dinner with Chloe when she asked if this was going to be like every other time I've said I wasn't going to be friends with Gavin anymore and then decided to again...talk about a reality smack in the face. I don't even think I answered her. How embarrassing when your kid calls you out on such crap!

Owen emailed me last night that his staph is actually getting a lot worse, hopefully before it heals. He's still freaking out, as would any guy with sores on their cock! He said it's really gross. Poor Baby!!

Anyway I'm on Day 8, working toward my 30. My boss showed me this picture yesterday and I've decided it is Jules' new official motto regarding Gavin.

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