Looking Back and Looking Forward

Miranda’s been marinating this last week. I’ve been pondering what I want, who I want it with, and just who I think I really am.  A lot of this introspection is because for the first time since I moved out, I’m really “alone.” 

No I’m not alone but I’ll freely admit that my friendship with Gwyn gave me legs much of this past year and a half.  Like a lot of married people, I didn’t have a lot of outside friends of my own.  The ones I did have all quickly disappeared after I told them I was leaving Duckie.  Fortunately for me, when I moved out Gwyn quickly filled my life with her friends and I’ve never really looked back.  Plus I threw myself into dating at least 1/3 of all men ages 30-45 and between that and my relationship with Coach; I haven’t exactly had a lot of down time.

But now Miranda’s on her own.  Not really, I mean I still have friends but my Gwyn sized security blanket is gone.  Even my job security blanket will be gone at the end of this week. I’ll be starting somewhere brand new.  Which is kind of nice because it gives a fresh start where my new co-workers (and all those hot doctors) will only know me as single Miranda – not Miranda who was married and then her dad killed himself and she divorced her husband.  HA!  Even after almost two years people who knew me “before” still seem to struggle with the “after” version of me. Even my own sister to some degree.

Random other tidbits – Coach has been in ICU. He had his back surgery and came down here to recuperate.  Ended up with a spinal column leak and back in the hospital.  Two surgeries and most of a week in ICU he seems to be on the mend. I’ve been fighting the urge to go see him. Not because it would change anything but because it’s hard to be in the hospital and feel like you’re on your own. I know a couple of his friends have been to see him and his family obviously, but I know I’d like for him to come see me if the situation was reversed. But I’m not going because I don’t want him to think it would mean anything more than me just being a friend.

 He’s called me a couple times and last night he called again and asked if I was going to come see him.  I didn’t want to say no outright so I just said I’d been busy and changed the topic.  I admit though, I feel uneasy not going. I’m the person who always shows up when it matters regardless of how close I am to someone friendship wise.  This time I’m having to choose to not do what my instincts tell me is the right thing to do.  It’s hard to resist but at least tomorrow I get the kids back and that gives me other things to focus on.  

McQueen and the Ginger are on some weird trajectory. They’ll text/call me for a few days and then disappear for a few days.  I think they both have more issues with their kids than they are willing to admit. The Ginger seems scared to leave his 16 year old home alone for more than a minute and refuses to carve out time for himself.  McQueen is fine until he has his daughter and then it’s like he can’t do anything but take care of her.  And when it comes to the weekend he seems like he’s a slave to his ex and takes his kid on demand.  I still am greatly entertained by them both but I’m not sweating it either way. 

There is a new possibility on the horizon. A police officer I met on PoF.  Sarge is 42, blonde hair, blue eyes, two kids (one lives in a nearby state and one across the country), and way cuter in person than in his pictures.  He actually knew my dad pretty well which is weird and kind of cool all at the same time.  There are two slight issues though. One is he’s just 5’9, definitely below my 6’0 preference but I’ve decided I need to be more open in that area. The other is that he’s been married and divorced twice. Yikes!

Sarge was married before he was out of college and then divorced before he was 25. That’s the kid that lives in Virginia. He has a good relationship with her though.  Then he got married in what he calls his rebound relationship and knew almost immediately it was wrong. He said they tried to tough it out for a few years but it didn’t last.  That’s the kid that lives across the country.  Sarge says he sees his son as much as possible but it’s never enough.

Sarge has been single for a little more than 10 years now so that makes me feel a little better about the whole two divorces thing. We just met for the first time today and I was impressed with him.  I was in town and he texted me and asked if I had a few minutes to meet him and chat.  Our schedules have been very incompatible thus far so I agreed. We met and chatted for about 30 minutes or so. He pulled up in his police car and was in full uniform. H-O-T! 

What is it about a man in uniform?

Miranda