Monday, October 31, 2011

Save a Horse, Ride a Cowboy

Well it was another interesting weekend in the life of Miranda. Friday night my friend D and I went to a Halloween party and then to see her boyfriend’s band play and there were a couple stories I thought you might enjoy.

Starting off - At the Halloween party, it was at the house of my super sweet, beautiful hair dresser friend “A” that I’ve mentioned in the past. Long story short, we became friends last year because we were both going through a divorce and I’ve spent a lot of time with her going out over the last year to see her boyfriend’s various bands (yes it seems like the majority of my friends date guys in bands and therefore, I’ve become a local groupie). So anyways, her boyfriend has a history of less than stellar faithfulness, which is insane because if there was ever a catch it’s my friend A. More than once I’ve felt like he flirted inappropriately with me but I just try to ignore that as much as possible – even though I think he’s smoking hot and if he wasn’t a good friend’s BF I’d probably be all up on it (well I would have been in the past LOL).

So D and I go to the party and I swear while we were there he said like 5 inappropriate things to me. I must have looked shocked every time he said something because he kept laughing it off and like throwing his arm around me and apologizing. What is wrong with guys???

Later D and I were at the bar listening to the band play when I looked across the room and met eyes with my Imaginary Baby Daddy. It’s the lead singer of this country rockabilly band. I’ve seen him around at various live music events quite a bit because his band tends to play with D’s boyfriend’s band. About a month ago I drunkenly texted Jules and Gwyn and told them to look him up on Facebook because if I was ever going to have a baby daddy, he’d be my first pick just due to his hotness.

Quickly, he’s 30, about 6’4, tattooed all over (he owns a tattoo shop), black hair he wears slicked back in a total nod to Elvis, light blue eyes, and he dresses pretty much just like what you’d expect a country wanna be rock star to dress. He’s got this different personality too where you can tell he’s used to getting whatever he wants (especially from women) and he comes off all weirdly sweet yet cocky Mr. Rico SauvĂ©. He idolizes the rockabilly era and pretty much as I described him to D, he’s a caricature come to life. Oh and he has three kids by two different baby mama’s – hence why he’d only be an imaginary baby daddy for me.

So his band had just finished playing and he was out on the dance floor with the rest of the crowd listening to the next band. D and I were having a blast dancing and laughing and singing at the top of our lungs and IBD (Imaginary Baby Daddy) and I kept catching each other’s eye. It was one of those great anticipatory filled moments. Before long he left his gaggle of girls (he seems to travel with a constant harem) and worked his way through the crowd over to us. IBD and I started dancing - like real dancing not just grinding and it was I’ll admit it, very exciting in my addled state lol. We danced for pretty much the rest of the night except for a few times when D drug me off the dance floor but every time we’d go back on he was right back dancing with me.

At the end of the night we were just chatting a little bit, until that point we really hadn’t talked at all, and he asked me if I wanted to get out of there. D was all “no way” but I told her she didn’t have anything to worry about that I wasn’t going to sleep with him. She didn’t believe me because IBD is a big time player – BIG TIME. Like maybe one of the worst I’ve seen in real life. And the girls who flock around him really don’t seem to care. But this new Miranda was determined to pull a Gwyn and go home with the guy and not actually have sex with him.

I told him I was game but that we were not going to be having sex. He kind of smirked and grabbed his guitar and we jumped in his jeep and headed off. About halfway back to our town I realized he was going to his house, not mine. I corrected him and told him we had to go to my place. He had like a 5 year old temper tantrum about having to drive an extra five miles out of his way. I literally laughed at him and told him he was a little boy. I swear IBD pouted the last 10 minutes of the ride and I laughed at him the whole way.

We ran up the stairs to my place and D called and said she wanted to come crash at my place because she had a fight with her boyfriend so I told her to come on. Again, another grown man pouting fit that someone else was going to have my attention. I swear I laughed and laughed at him and asked him if he hadn’t ever had a woman tell him no before. He looked perplexed and said he couldn’t’ remember the last time that happened. HA! Then he kissed the hell out of me.

We stood there in my kitchen for the next 20 minutes making out like crazy. So funny that I just wrote the kissing post because it was like he had read it. He very well may have been the best kisser I’ve ever had the pleasure of locking lips with. And he was really aggressive and forceful with how he handled me in a very exciting (not scary) way. Like really grabbing my face or arms and pulling my head back as he kissed my neck. It was freaking hot! Maybe more so because I knew I wasn’t going to let it go any further.

Eventually D got there and as one of my drunken habits I ended up cooking food for both of them to eat. IBD said he was going to lie down and he went in my room and pulled me with him. He threw me on to my bed and started kissing me again and I knew I needed to get out of there ASAP or my resolve would be broken. I pulled away and he pulled me back down and begged me not to go back out in the living room. I told him to grow up and I’d be back in a few minutes – HA!

I went back out and hung out with D for like 30 minutes figuring it would give him time to cool off and hopefully fall asleep so my resolve wouldn’t be so sorely tempted. When I finally went to bed he was in fact asleep. I crawled in and he immediately wrapped his arms around me and I went to sleep. In the morning when I woke up I wondered if I’d have to be breaking out some Jedi defense moves but he was very gentlemanly. He kept his arms around me and kissed my forehead and hand. Every time I’d shift, he’d adjust his position to keep me comfortable and dude even kept holding my hand. It was crazy and so unexpected! It made me wonder if that was all part of his player skills and that if that’s how he acted the morning after having sex with all these girls it’s no wonder they are all hung up on him like crazy.

However, given that we had not had sex, he really had no power of me so I just got to enjoy the attention and revel in it a bit. He got up to get dressed at one point and he even got back into bed fully clothed and just lay there for like an hour talking to me. We did finally get up and we stood in the kitchen while he provided me with a soliloquy of his life philosophy while he drank a beer and ate a pop tart. HAHAHA! And the funniest part is that this soliloquy was about how everyone is scared to just “be themselves” and every one it “putting on an act.” This from a cartoon character come to life!

When he left he hugged me and pulled out his phone. IDK what he was going to ask but I assume it was to add me to his sure to long list of girls’ numbers and I laughed and said, Maybe I’ll see you around sometime,” then I opened the door. IBD looked perplexed and said, “Damn! ‘I’ll see you around.’ I feel like I just got used.” I laughed and shut the door.

Damn he was sexy and if he has sex the way he kisses, it would have been freaking awesome. But that’s just going to have to remain a mystery because this girl is on a mission!


PS - Saturday night I was at another Halloween party and D's boyfriend's band was playing again. The lead singer is this weirdly attractive guy just based off his personality alone and that he has the swagger to be a lead singer.  And he's uber rich, like seriously rich rich rich.  And he's married.  And I swear he was hitting on me.  In a subtle testing the waters way.  What the hell kind of sign do I have over my head these days?



  2. As the inventor of the "Gwyn Method" I would like to congratulate you for your good work!!

    Doesn't it feel amazing??? Isn't it hilarious to see their reaction when you say no??

    And a few comments on the rest of the post...the pop tart and beer made me lol...the drunken cooking is a classic move on your part I just hope you didn't make them the pea and beef mixture..and I love that you made him bring you to your house AND allowed your friend to come over even though he was there!!!

    Also, I'm quite sure the way he acted with you is how he acts with all the girls he hooks up with (sex or not). He didn't get the player rep for nothing! It probably blew his mind that it didn't work on you - OMG did I mention how proud I am!!!!!