FUCK

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Just a quick post to say that this is such a fucking struggle...I actually talked to Gavin this morning. It seems after more ignored phone calls last night and this morning, he needed an additional reminder that I don't want to see or talk to him. He's totally confused as to why I changed the rules and my mind on how I want this to be....I don't think I've ever met anyone this stupid. Sadly, I have to admit it's still tearing me up. I want to just say "fine" and see him, but I'm NOT. Like I said, my ego is involved now and I know if I don't do it now, I'll just have to do it all over again in a little while. There is NO sense in prolonging the inevitable and it won't get easier to do again later, it will only get harder. I really liked it when he wasn't here. He keeps asking if we can't just be friends, of course we can't...moron.

On that note of all things fucked, Owen emailed me this morning to tell me he's going back to the Dr. on Monday because this stuff isn't healing and he's halfway through the antibiotic. OMG, I'm hoping they didn't misdiagnose him. I'm really freaking out about that, despite my Dr. visit. What if I did have it and mine just healed before I saw her?? I tried repeatedly to request the blood test, but she wouldn't do it. Also, he leaves to go to CA with his son from Nov. 1-7th. Sooooo, no sex for Jules for freaking eons. That is going to make not caving that MUCH harder...damn men, damn addictions. It might be time for new because just stewing in this is NO fun.

-Jules

Comments

  1. AnonymousOctober 29, 2011 at 9:21 PM

    Jules, you are doing what you think is best for you and that is what matters. Take it day by day, that's what most of us are doing, I think.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Ethan LambertOctober 31, 2011 at 8:49 PM

    It takes weeks to go away; the antibiotics kill the bacterial infection, but there is WEEKS of healing before everything will look normal again. Also, stroking it will prolong the time it takes to heal. Tell him if he's still jerking it to wear a condom and use lube. Sucks, but that's how it is. I was all clear in about 3 weeks.

    Plus, he's only halfway through the antibiotics. Even when he's done there will still be healing.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Ethan LambertOctober 31, 2011 at 8:52 PM

    And not to be the bearer of bad news, but there will be scabbing and skin peeling.

    In hindsight, I'm now very uncomfortable with how much about my penis I've shared :-P It was 12 years ago for me, I swear!

    ReplyDelete
  4. Infidelity ChroniclesNovember 1, 2011 at 4:14 AM

    Oh dear Lord, 3 weeks?? Scabbing and skin peeling? I'm suddenly extra happy I don't live with him...lol.
    -Jules

    ReplyDelete

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