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Friday, October 29, 2010

Sick and Tired With a Dose of Perspective

The people that live in this house are wearing me out. I'm having a big ole pity party for myself today, but admittedly I've let it all happen. Here's some back story with Gavin and why he's on the shit list.

On Wednesday, he found out his gf has been cheating on him and he broke up with her (again). He proceeded to get wasted and high and actually I ended up getting most of the story from Russell. I had a date Wednesday night with SD (short dick) guy and while I'm so not into him, I didn't have the heart to bail again. Gavin got super pissed that I went out, but wtf ever. I'm not his gf. SD took me out to this point near his house for sunset and we had wine and pizza. I left after sunset and dinner though because I knew Gavin was having a bad day. He'd had some court stuff that morning too that didn't go the way he wanted. I came home and he was passed out. He woke up a little while later and we hung out, smoked some, and I gave him an "awesome" blow job. Apparently awesome enough that he called me the next day to thank me again...I do have skills. ;) LOL...ok, I digress. My point to him about the gf situation is that while I obviously think she's the lowest form of human life...he's cheated on her THE ENTIRE time they've been back together with me. I mean the entire time, from March until this very moment. He doesn't seem to get the correlation. He's whined and bitched and moaned about her since he came into the house...almost non-stop. I'm sick of hearing it. I don't fucking care. I miss the days where I didn't know quite so much about their relationship. I liked fucking him and then him going home or back to her  or whatever he did when we didn't live together.

Yesterday while I was in school, Clark starts texting me asking me about my date the night before. He was asking me to come over and finally in the end, I told him "No". I finally owned up to Gavin living with me, which didn't go over well with him.  Before this though, he told me that he has a "slave" coming to visit him for a month or so soon. Now, I don't know that I believe him...but regardless, clearly he's sick and has some serious issues. I finally told him that if we just can't seem to meet each other's needs and I think we should both cut our losses and go forth. I mean really...the boy just got out of serious trouble with the last girl he brought to HI and moved in and then he's pulling this. Oh and in the midst of the texts, he tells me how much he cares about me and wants to be with me, but he's just too fucked up and felt like I was pressuring him. I pointed out that he found me again. He pressured me into telling him I had feelings for him. He pressured me into discussing our future and possible offspring. I just responded to what he put out there...idiot (and yes, I meant me).

Last night, I came home from school and I was just tired and uggg. I'd decided to call into work sick today, so I started having some wine and then Gavin came out of his room and we smoked some of the fake stuff since we're out of the good stuff. Russell and Bob left to go to the beach (at night, in the rain...um, ok) and we started playing around. Well, Gavin brought his freaking game last night. It was literally the best sex we've had...ever. I was  able to squirt with him, which is something that I've never done with him and that rarely happens during regular sex anyway. Of course, unbeknownst to me in the midst of us loudly fucking, Russell and Bob come home. We laid on his bed for a while afterward, high and laughing...it was a fun night. I played with him some more later, blew him again after Russell went to bed, and so he was ill prepared for this morning's mood, bless his heart.

I woke up just pissed and tired this morning. It's my own fault for partying way to much this week and sleeping precious little. I get a little emotional when I'm tired. I was texting with Russell and addressed the fact that they came home in the middle of us having sex and I apologized, recommending that maybe he should loudly state he's home next time. Well, that pissed him off and we proceeded to have a 2 hour text fight about a variety of things. He wasn't pissed so much about coming home to it, but apparently my mere suggestion that he should have said he was home was what sent him over the edge and then it snowballed. This fight on top of listening to Gavin's emotionally draining crap all week on top of the stress I have from work and school on top of Chloe being smart mouthed and whiny all week too just sent me into tears. I rarely cry...I hate it. I think it's weak and I just feel like crap afterwards, so I try really hard to not...but sometimes you can't stop the floodgates.

Then I'm texting with Miranda who had to take one of her kids to the pediatric ER today (she's ok...no worries, but still) and then to know that she's going through all this heavy emotional stuff with regards to her Dad made me realize that I need to put my big girl panties on and get the fuck over my life. I will curb the whiny behavior from Chloe. I will work to be as  nice as possible to Russell and make some amends for the things that I can and I will tell Gavin when I need him to shut up or I'll just make the decision to get up and walk away when he won't stop complaining. He seems to be planning to move in a few days though, which I think will be good all the way around. So, I'm going to go enjoy my mental health day now and try to not let the little shit bother me.
-Jules

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