Dodging a Bullet

Twin has been very “normal” and appropriate since we popped the cherry on our relationship Monday night. So yesterday morning I was enjoying my commute to work with me and Ladybug jamming out to a little Eminem, don’t worry it was the radio edited versions. I sent off a funny text or two to Gwyn and Jules about this and then decided to send one to Twin. I said, “Me and ladybug are jamming to Eminem. Does this make me a bad mom or an awesome mom?” He replied, “LOL I’ll have to think about that. But you’re an awesome girlfriend.” Holly hell! He dropped the G bomb!

I ignored that text entirely and proceeded to hyperventilate. Once I was at work, Twin and I were emailing like normal and randomly were talking about how he had changed the locks on his house the night before. I said one of the reasons I chose to live in an apartment and on the third floor as a single woman was because there was only one way in and one way out. His reply, “Well you weren’t single Monday night!” Eeeeeek!!!!

Again, I ignored and hashed this all out with Gwyn. She suggested I wait until after work to bring up the G bomb but I couldn’t wait. I ended up emailing him casually and asking what he meant by the girlfriend comment. Here’s the email exchange…

Miranda – What did you mean by the awesome girlfriend thing?
Twin – Nothing in a possessive way.
Miranda – Cool
Twin – You’re not looking for anything serious are you?
Miranda – Honestly, I don’t know what I’m looking for. What are you looking for?
Twin – I really don’t know either. I’m scared to put my heart on the line anytime soon. I hope I didn’t disappoint you Monday night.
Miranda – Twin, you didn’t disappoint me.
Twin – I’d ultimately love to have a girlfriend who would respect me for who I am. Who is attractive, professional, mature, and will understand my slightly different ways.
Miranda – “Your slightly different ways” You crack me up.
Twin – Suddenly I feel quite lonely, but ok.
Miranda – What? You feel lonely?
Twin – I guess I was feeling a little more possessive than I let on, but it’s cool.
Miranda – Are you trying to say you want something more?
Twin – Something in me is leaning towards that, especially after Monday night. It’s been years since I’ve been treated with respect and love, so I’m feeling a little vulnerable.
Miranda - (crafted with great input from Gwyn) Twin, I like you and I enjoy spending time with you greatly. I would like to continue seeing you to see what might develop but I know I still have a lot of issues to deal with before I will be ready to commit to anyone again in any way. I also think you need to make peace with your life the way it is now before you can consider being in a relationship with me or anyone else. From things you say, you are still so hurt by your divorce and have so much anger about it. I can’t fix that, I can’t change that, and I can’t take that on because I have issues of my own to tackle. I am not saying that to hurt your feelings or make you feel lonely but that’s the reality of our situations.
Twin – I want to continue seeing you too, and yes, we have a lot of issues to take care of our own. You hit the nail on the head and well written at that. I understand and agree BABY.

Yeah, I don’t know that he really gets what I was saying. Hell, I’m not entirely sure what I was saying other than that I do like him but I am not ready to be his girlfriend. He texted like normal last night and this morning so at least it was a no harm, no foul situation. We’ll see how this continues. I was talking to Gwyn about it and she slam dunked me back into reality when I said I wasn’t sure that I was ready to be with any one person and she gave me the verbal smack down as only a good friend can and essentially said, “Bullshit! If it was FJB or Flyboy you’d have jumped at the relationship in an instant.” Sometimes it sucks to be good friends with people who know you so well LOL!

In other news, my horoscope said I’d get an unexpected note from someone I hold near and dear to my heart today and guess who emailed me this morning…. FJB. Yeah, I’m still stupid about him. SoCo has been texting me like crazy all day yesterday and today. Just funny, friendly texts but I wouldn’t be surprised if I get a booty call from him this weekend. Too bad I won’t be able to do anything about that since it’s my weekend with the kids. To round out my Team Miranda tidbits, this morning taking Leo to school whom did I see, Sawyer. I swear he’s so toxic to me but he still makes me hotter than hell. Fortunatley we were both trapped in the car pool line so there was no interaction other than some eye contact.

Miranda