Keeping It Casual

So last night was my ill-fated dinner with FJB. After some random emails and a very random phone call to confirm details, I girded my loins to be in his presence. Gwyn did her best to dissuade me but I held firm to my decision though I made strict rules to keep the anxiety down – I had to dress way down to keep it casual (think yoga pants, pony tail, plain t-shirt) and there was no excessive drinking allowed.

Despite my sense of foreboding, I was optimistic that it at least would be a pleasant evening with a “friend.” One of FJB’s weird emails was that he wanted me to make a dessert since he was cooking. I complied and made an apple pie per his request (I’m a hell of a baker BTW). When I got home and was getting ready to head over to his place, I looked at the pan the pie cooked on top of and thought I would die laughing. The spillage from the pie formed a perfect smiley face with a black eye. Very befitting of my relationship with FJB.

Anyway, I headed over to his place and we hung out in his kitchen a bit while his enchiladas finished cooking. It was all just friendly and chatty. Dinner was good, the conversation flowed pretty well, and it was all entirely pleasant. We trashed talked Plenty of Fish and laughed at all the crazy people on there. He said he was pretty much done with the site.

After dinner, he asked if I wanted to stay and watch a movie, so I did. We watched Clash of the Titans; it made me laugh because when I was in Hawaii with Jules her gays watched that movie. Being all about body language, FJB made me laugh throughout the whole movie. Funny body language things that happened:

• I went in the living room and sat on one end of the couch. Now there was a plenty of other seating (a chair, a big love seat, another chair) and he opted to sit about a half a cushion way from me.
• During the movie, he would move closer to me, lean my direction, put his leg up so it was pressed against mine, etc. I’d catch him looking at me out of the corner of my eye and then he’d move away.
• Several times, during the movie he put his arm up on the back of the couch so it was behind me though he didn’t touch me and I tested him by leaning my head back against his arm and he didn’t pull away. Though I did – HAHA!

His behavior was cracking me up and I think he was getting frustrated that I wasn’t “responding” or being flirty. I was definitely on my best “friend” behavior. We did talk a little about relationship stuff and now I think I understand a little more about him and why he’s so weird about relationships and trusting and stuff. That statement is very funny in light of my love horoscope for today…

You may use the energy of today to change your mind about a certain person for whom you have had mixed feelings. The planetary alignment could open your eyes to certain facets of their behavior about which you have been worried. Something will click, and you will understand why they are as they are, and this in turn will enable you to approach them on equal terms.

I definitely feel more on even ground with him now. That’s not to say I don’t still have feelings for him but they are definitely manageable now. Though I know if we cross that “friends” line and something physical happens it has the potential to be a big setback for me. And I will admit that there is still a stupid small girly part of me that thinks/hopes that if we form a “friendship” it may one day develop into more. I’m stupid I know!

After the movie we just hung out, talked, and watched random stuff on TV for a while. About 12:15 I headed home and the last funny thing of the night that happened was he walked me to the door and opened it for me and I started to go out when I noticed he’d opened his arms to hug me and was totally looking at me like he was shocked I was going to refuse his hug. I laughed at him, turned around, hugged him, and said I’d talk to him later.

That was it. No big revelation. No big drama. No walking around like I’m a schoolgirl today because we’d slept together. It was just…..friends. And while I’d like it to be more, I’m pretty ok with how everything went last night. We’ll see if I say that in a couple weeks LOL. Thank heavens for Gwyn’s non-initiating communication challenge or else I’d probably email him today and ask if he wanted to hang out this weekend. But rules are rules so it’s a no go from my end!

Miranda

PS – FJB totally admitted I’m a much better cook than he is!