Dating After 40: Do Any of Us Really Know What We Are Doing?

Miranda is fucking confused and thus has stopped thinking period. I passed out Saturday night after all the crap with Coach because I was just exhausted. After waking up about 3 am and dragging myself to bed I slept about another 8 hours and woke up feeling discombobulated. I’m perplexed. I’m agog. I’m confounded. I’m confused. I’m pole-axed. In other words, I just don’t know what I want to do about the whole situation with Coach. I had lunch with him and we spent a few hours after that running errands on Sunday and just hanging out before he left to go back to DC. He was trying hard to make things seem normal but my heart just wasn’t in it. I wasn’t being a downer but I certainly wasn’t my normal sparkling self. Coach apologized to me several times and said its killing him that he hurt me like this. I told him he doesn’t have a single fan in his corner from my camp. He asked if I could forgive him and I told him I honestly didn’t know. That I just needed some time to clear my head...

I need a sitter...my sitter needs blow jobs. Is that really pimping myself out if I think he's hot and I fuck him anyway? I've been putting Gavin off all weekend. Russell was closing, but damn it all I started my period and felt like crap Friday and Saturday. The good news is that I started my period though!! Hot Damn! Anyway, I told Gavin he could not come party at my house this weekend because I wasn't feeling it. I have seriously felt like crap for the last few weeks. I think it's stress, but I felt great today. I was talking to Russell tonight about Chloe's spring break and trying to arrange the week with minimal cost. I suggested that the one day we hadn't covered could be a Camp Gavin Day. I literally finished typing the words to Russell and Gavin called. I asked him if he would please take care of her that day and bless his sweet, darling heart he readily agreed. He said he loves keeping her and would be happy to do so and then he invited himself over...

I don’t know what’s going to happen with Coach. He lied again.   He came home yesterday and I asked him several times about what his plans for today were and was he going to be at my softball practice.   He said multiple times he was and that he’d be home around lunchtime.   He also said he was driving his own car to his son’s basketball tournament so he wouldn’t be stuck there all day. Cut to this morning he leaves early to go to the basketball tournament.   I wake up and text him about 10:30 or so to see when he’d be home and he answers “about 5 pm.”   I rightfully am pissed and say something smart back to him and he tries to be cute and funny to diffuse the situation.   I laid into Coach via text and let him know exactly how I felt.   For hours I steamed about it and decided on my way to practice I may as well check out the rest of his story and see if his car just happened to be at the ex’s house.   It was.   I texted him and asked i...

Miranda, you were right on with the overwhelmed. Things have been insane since Tuesday evening's romp with Owen. Not fun boy insane, work-school-life insane. I won't whine about it here because it's not the forum, but I've also been (hopefully) PMS-ing. I saw Gavin Wednesday night for a little while, but he was annoying me and I wanted to sleep...so at 12am I literally kicked him out. He wasn't in a very sexual mood, nor was I really after 2 days of many orgasms so my need to sleep won out over all else. Sadly, I only got about 6 hours so the next night was worse. Last night, I was exhausted. Exhausted like I was right after Chloe was born and I hadn't slept in weeks...that kind of god awful, I'm going to fall over now kind of tired. Gavin called me to tell me that the gf had almost had him arrested. I yelled at him for being stupid. Then he asked me to the movies and I told him in no uncertain terms that I did not want to go to the movies with him, but ...

Geeze you know we’re all totally overwhelmed when we haven’t posted a single post since Tuesday! Week one of the long distance relationship is down and after the initial blues I have to say it really wasn’t a big deal. I’m sure with time I’ll get more annoyed or whatever but for now it doesn’t totally suck. I think in large part the lack of suck-age is because Coach has done great at staying in touch. We talk usually twice a day and he’ll email every now and again. And of course we text so outside of not actually seeing him, it hasn’t felt too different. Wednesday night was Wine Wednesday with the girls and a total blast. On the way home I was talking to Coach and we started a little dirty talk. Now Coach gets flustered easily. He’s so not a dirty talker. I’ve been working on that with him though! HA! So anyway, we were just flirty talking and it got more and more intense and ended with me sprinting up the stairs (half drunk in heels mind you), racing in my apartment, and clothes...

If you could only have one adult beverage every day what would you choose to drink? Margaritas. - Gwyn Margaritas - Miranda Wine - Jules Have you ever gone to work intoxicated? Yes - let me clarify. I have gone to jobs (but not any of my professional jobs) stoned and also hungover aka still drunk from the night before. Most recently, during my post-Hawaii breakdown, I enjoyed a margarita with Miranda during our lunch break but unfortunately I didn't drink enough to get drunk. -Gwyn I have gone in the next morning after a bender definitely feeling drunk. One time in college while I was temping I had drinks at lunch and definitely went back to work drunk. - Miranda I've gone to work still drunk from the night before many times. I can't work drunk. I did it once in High School and realized quickly that this was not the way for me. If I'm drinking, I'm drinking...not working! - Jules Have you ever been sent home from work (or fired) due to being intoxicated o...

Last night was fucking porn star sex, well this afternoon was a little bit of awkward. No worries - it ended well but damn if it wasn't an effort! ;) Owen has been hot on me to get back over and this afternoon following work was a great time (or so we thought). We didn't factor in the interruptions. It started with me telling him that I'd be waiting for him on the couch since I could hear the teenage boys right outside my bedroom window and didn't think that would be a good idea. I cannot (no matter how hard I try) have quiet sex with Owen. It is NOT possible. He and I had made some specific requests from each other today via sexting that we both wanted. He wanted some super sloppy, wet head and I wanted to ride him while he sucked my nipples (which he said he would gladly do and preferred if I also had my new vibrating plug in my other hole). Um, yes!! He gets here and right before he came in, Gavin starts calling (I'm not kidding...like twice). Owen comes in a...

After a good 48 hours of moping I think the fog has lifted and Miranda is back to being Miranda. Well for the most part, if work doesn’t cause me to go postal and take out my whole department before the end of the week. I was pathetically mopey Sunday afternoon after Coach left and yesterday I swung wildly between being grouchy about him being gone and psychotically irritated with the idiots Gwyn and I work with every day. I told Jules that her Clark drama was a good distraction but damn it, that still didn’t make it worth the ruckus she’s causing on the east coast! Last night while I was watching Weeds (my current TV obsession), I was thinking that this long distance thing with Coach was a good twist of fate to remind me not to wrap myself up totally in any guy no matter how good things are. I know Coach and I have been spending way more time together than we normally would have at this point in a relationship since we knew he was moving, but it did make things get intense fast. ...

Gavin's home!! :) I missed him a little. Actually, I was a little pissy with him for not calling this weekend while he was gone but I was sick and he was having fun with his kid, so I got over it. He called me like 4 times today before he finally came over this evening. He was dying for some when he got here about 5:30, but since Russell was home sleeping and Chloe was out playing I told him "No". I was laying on the couch, watching TV, and enjoying not being in class. He's not really one to take no for an answer, especially with sex so he pursued it and I ended up letting him get me off with his fingers until Chloe came back home. He knew he was prepping me for some hot sex after she went to sleep, which he got. We hung out watching TV (his house lacks cable if you wonder why we watch so much TV) and such until she went to sleep and then he brought my laptop out into the living room and started playing with me again. He asked me to please suck his cock, but to just...

I wasn't fully honest yesterday and by that I mean I lied. I omitted a good deal of information to save face with my girls, but it was wrong and I shouldn't have lied so I'm confessing it all now. Here's how it started. Josie and Miranda friended Clark on FB very quickly upon learning that he and I were friends. It seems their red flags rightfully went up. He asked them how he knew them and Miranda ignored him. Josie did not. As they started chatting, he revealed I'd seem him yesterday, damn it. I did...I'll finally admit it now that I have to because it's out there. He took me to the commissary for super cheap groceries since Bob has left us. Clearly I am NOT proud of this or I would have been honest yesterday. We have been talking a lot lately and he's been really nice. I know he's a sociopath and that he can hold it together for a little while. Trust me, I've been down this road a few times now. So why do I keep going back?? I haven't a ...

Well today starts a new journey in the world of Miranda – that of being a long distance girlfriend. Despite my worries, I adjusted quite quickly to being a girlfriend so let’s hope the transition goes as easily this time. Last night Coach and I had a great “last” night together and just chilled out and watched a movie (I Am Number Four – very good BTW).  We spent the night much like you might imagine being incredibly sweet to each other and indulging in copious amounts of cuddling.  This morning he woke me up to another delicious series of orgasms.  That my friends is a hell of a way to start any day of the week! Coach went through the ringer this morning too. First he went and said goodbye to his parents, then me, then his sister, and finally his kids. I think it about pushed him over the edge even knowing he was going to be home more weekends than not.  Our goodbye was both not as bad as I feared and more intense feeling than I expected. I did pretty good holding...

Ok, I've minimally let Clark back in. Miranda (being the total Nancy Drew that she is) busted me today for becoming FB friends with him and then tattled on me to Josie and Gwyn. LOL! He's been really nice for the last week and it's just so obvious that he literally has no one in his life and needs a friend. I have no intention of becoming involved again and there will be NO emotional guilt trips. I've been chatting with him on and off for a little while and when he's an ass, I just shut down and don't respond until he's nice. He's received the message. -Jules PS As the day has worn on, it seems Josie got the idea for Josie and Miranda to FB friend him as well. When I asked Josie if Clark had questioned who they were before accepting their requests, she told me he had not but that she suggested to Miranda they tell him they were on the same prescription trial together for anti-psychotic meds. She's a funny woman.

Last night was a rousing success! Coach was totally surprised by his dinner with family and friends and then his night out on the town! We started the night off with dinner with two of his sisters and his two best friends.  His younger sister if you don’t remember is dating SoCo.  We’ve been around them before but not for such an extended period of time.  I don’t know how much Coach knows about me and SoCo and I’m really not trying to clarify the situation any time soon.  I am sure he’s heard that we used to hang out but I bet that is the extent of what he knows.  Anyway, sitting at dinner watching SoCo and Coach’s younger sister cuddle and coo was quite entertaining.  They seem to be very much into each other and it’s pretty funny to watch him be all lovey-dovey and call her “babe” and stuff.  They are actually really cute together and I love Coach’s younger sister so as long as she’s happy it’s all good with me.  I wonder if she knows about me...

So the other day I left you hanging about Duckie’s break up with the GF. Apparently for a while now she’s been upset with him because he’d come up to my apartment to drop off something for the kids or pick up his alimony check or whatever. Now let’s put this in full context here. I bet he’s been in my apartment less than 15 times total in the last year. So anyways, it sounds like they got in a slight tiff because one day a couple weeks ago Ladybug really wanted to see her Dad. We had just got home from the work/school routine and I saw Duckie’s car so I texted him and asked if it was ok that we stop by the GF’s apartment. (If you are a new reader she and I live in the same apartment building.) He, being the good dad, of course said yes. We stopped on the way up the stairs and he came out of the GF’s apartment and stood there for no more than five minutes talking to the kids and gave them both hugs. Then we went our separate ways. Duckie said after that night things started falling...

I know it's the other way, but since I'm the one with the kitty... Russell is in LA this week and Gavin has been around helping a lot (and busting me). Russell left Tuesday morning and Gavin was over here Tuesday night as soon as I got home. We had some super hot sex and he went home around 11pm. I went to bed and had promised Chloe that she could sleep with me. I picked her up, put her in my bed, and snuggled in. He came back into my room at 1:30am to tell me that the gf had kicked him out and in the process woke me up, scared the fuck out of me because I was sound asleep, and my screaming woke up Chloe. Chloe could not for the life of her figure out why Gavin was in our house at that hour, much less in my room. He went to lay down in his old room, much to his dismay. Yesterday he picked Chloe up for me and was on babysitting duty so that I could go to school. Neither of us felt good, so no hanky panky, but he told me he'd see me the next day. What I didn't count on...

According to a website I was checking out today, here is a list of 50 sexual must-dos before you die. We'll tell you what we've done. Feel free to tell us yours! ;) 1. Kiss a girl No - Jules No - Gwyn Yes - Miranda 2. Have anal As often as possible, by that I mean at least weekly. - Jules A couple of times with The Ex. Not a fan. - Gwyn A couple of times. I prefer playing in that area in other ways than the penis. - Miranda 3. Have a threesome Of course - Jules No - Gwyn No - Miranda 4. Engage in group sex Yep - Jules No - Gwyn No - Miranda 5. Have phone sex Yes, though I prefer webcam sex. - Jules Yes - Gwyn Yes and I prefer phone to webcam - Miranda 6. Masturbate Often - Jules Sometimes - Gwyn If no regular sex partner, often. - Miranda 7.Use a vibrator See above, of course! - Jules No - Gwyn Hell yeah! - Miranda 8.Use a sex toy on someone else Yes! - Jules No - Gwyn No but I've had someone use a sex toy on me. - Miranda 9...

I've had good Valentine's Days and bad ones and everything in between. I think this is my third one in a row as a single girl...I'm not really sure, you guys know I'm not into all that sentimental crap. So here's how Valentine's Day went for single Gwyn.... I came home Sunday (after running in a marathon relay...sounded better in theory than it was in reality) to a card from my mom with a heart shaped box of Reeses cups. My grandmother also sent me an e-card via her iPad lol. She has the flu so she said "I'm sorry I didn't buy you a real card. This damn flu has me operating two weeks behind schedule." God I love her. On Monday, I woke up and went to work as usual. I got asked to be someone's "work valentine" at about 3pm - this someone is our IT guy who has no chin/neck and has a girlfriend (and dressed as a vagina for Halloween). Score. I almost forgot that I did have some chocolate from Miranda waiting for me at my desk wh...

Lol, now it's time for your resident cynic to weigh in...I'm not a fan of today. Russell and I always skipped it, citing it as a Hallmark Holiday. Today was my normal, very long, insane Monday. I left home at 7:45am for work, then class tonight until 8pm with a 45 minute drive home...good times. I did get a sweet text from Owen, a phone call that went unanswered from Gavin (too much pressure), and some oddly randomly nice texts from Clark. (Don't worry...I didn't get caught up in his moment of clarity.) While I did nothing to note this day, I did have an amazing weekend. You guys know about Friday and Saturday with my team. Gavin has been on it lately. I reminded him last weekend that he is not the only member of the team and I think it shook him up a little because he's been fucking me lately like he's got something to prove. He called last night while I was watching the Grammy's with Russell and Chloe...twice. When I did not answer, he came over. Lucky f...

Happy Valentine’s Day from your resident optimist. Though I have to say now that I’m in the last week of having Coach in the same state as me, I’m feeling more than a little anxious. Luckily I’m relying on my long manifested skills of squashing emotions and I’ll deal with the anxiety and stress after he’s actually moved. I’m determined to make this week a good one and do my best not to think about the fact that this time next week he’ll be living five hours away. We’ve pretty much been glued at the hip for the last few weeks and this weekend was no exception. Saturday we went and saw Blue Valentine. Very good movie, but very intense. It’s about the end of a couple’s marriage. Yeah, heavy stuff but it was very relevant and hit very close to home for both of us in a lot of ways. As good as it was, I wouldn’t recommend it unless you’re ready to face some of your own emotions/issues from divorce. The rest of the weekend was us being the uber-happy couple and having some of the wildest...

Well if it isn't the damn story of my life, I'm late posting this even factoring in Hawaii time. Happy Blog-a-versary to you girls too! I would have posted this last night, but Gavin needed some loving. It seems like he's not so fond of my new schedule. Looking back on the past year is a little mind boggling with all I currently have going on to boot! I'm currently really overwhelmed by school work and starting my practicum, which is why I've been sort of MIA this week and will probably be around less and less in the upcoming 3 months. (sigh) I remember how last February felt. I was so relieved, so sad, and so anxious all at the same time. There were so many unknowns that miraculously have fallen into place this year. Some things have blissfully remained the same and some things have changed a lot, but I all feel for the better. The biggest thing is that Russell and I have moved from living as a married couple to pretty successfully living as separated (though I d...

Happy Blog-iversary!  A year ago today in the midst of divorce angst Jules and I started this blog as a means to bitch, whine, and vent out our emotions.  Who would have known it’d still exist today?  Who would have known that so many people would be interested in our bi-coastal lives? Who would have known that we'd write 538 posts in the course of a year? The last couple weeks as we approached this momentous occasion, Jules and I have debated on how to recognize it. Ultimately we’ve decided to each do our own post reflecting on the last year and making a couple predictions for the year ahead. This year has been a huge year of growth for me.  I’ve discovered I’m a hell of a lot stronger than I ever thought, that despite being 34 years old I still make some very immature decisions, I think I’ve figured out how to have a (mostly) healthy relationship, I feel like I’m really starting to be comfortable in my own skin, and that above all, having a few really good frien...