Woo or Boo?
So as I’ve re-entered the dating pool and am doing my best to not become a power dater again, I have of course been doing a lot of analyzing of behaviors – mine and others. We already know I’m trying to change my dating habits so that I’m attracting and dating fully-functioning adults and not broken, battered boys. But I’m thinking maybe I need to retrain my brain to not feel awkward at best or repelled at worst when a guy is “too nice” or says things that are “sweet.”
Example. Besides the Grown Up, there’s another guy I’ve been talking to for a few days both via text and on the phone. We haven’t met in person yet though we have a date planned for next week so I’m going to spare you the details until I know he’s worth it. But he’s gonna have one of my favorite blog nicknames ever – Jethro. HA! Not because he’s a redneck or anything but that’s apparently the nickname he got in the marines and it’s too funny not to use. So today he sent me a good morning text (awww), we exchanged 2-3 text after that and then got to work. This afternoon I heard the all too familiar buzz of my phone and it was a text from Jethro. It said, “Heard that song we were talking about and it made me think of you.”
My internal dialogue did something like this, “Awwww (sound of record screeching)! What? Gag! Bleck! Vom! (record screeches again) Wait, how do I want to feel about this?” As I paused mid-imaginary wretch, I was struck with the question, am I jaded? Have I been involved with so many emotionally idiotic guys that I’ve become repelled by sweetness? That unless a guy is playing it aloof and I feel like I have to dance to keep his attention it’s not appealing? And as the girls and I discussed today there is an appropriate length of time that needs to pass before such comments can feel valid but that’s going to change with every relationship. You certainly don’t want a guy swooning for you or starting to plan your honeymoon before he’s even met you. But is said “sweetness” really wooing and we are just so inexperienced at being wooed that our knee jerk reaction is to reject it?
There’s a Sex and the City Episode similar to this where Carrie is first dating Aden and all she can think about is having sex with him but every time they get close to doing it, he backs away. Finally she breaks and asks him what’s wrong and he tells her he doesn’t want to rush things, he likes her enough to take things slow. Of course like a day after that they’re bumping uglies big time. Not quite the same scenario but it still works as a metaphor. And at least now I’ve got some distance from sex so I think I have that better under control. (BTW big props to me because I’m three months celibate now. Wait that actually sorta depresses me at the same time as it makes me feel proud. HA!)
Have we become jaded to romance? We know guys are supposed to pursue us and chase us but maybe we really don’t know what that pursuit feels like if it’s not related to having sex. Are we so conditioned to expecting the worst from guys (because of our own bad choices) that we automatically reject the good ones (or at least the decent ones who don’t go totally stalker and imagine us married before they know our last names)? Hmmmm, just thoughts to ponder on a Thursday afternoon.
Miranda
Example. Besides the Grown Up, there’s another guy I’ve been talking to for a few days both via text and on the phone. We haven’t met in person yet though we have a date planned for next week so I’m going to spare you the details until I know he’s worth it. But he’s gonna have one of my favorite blog nicknames ever – Jethro. HA! Not because he’s a redneck or anything but that’s apparently the nickname he got in the marines and it’s too funny not to use. So today he sent me a good morning text (awww), we exchanged 2-3 text after that and then got to work. This afternoon I heard the all too familiar buzz of my phone and it was a text from Jethro. It said, “Heard that song we were talking about and it made me think of you.”
My internal dialogue did something like this, “Awwww (sound of record screeching)! What? Gag! Bleck! Vom! (record screeches again) Wait, how do I want to feel about this?” As I paused mid-imaginary wretch, I was struck with the question, am I jaded? Have I been involved with so many emotionally idiotic guys that I’ve become repelled by sweetness? That unless a guy is playing it aloof and I feel like I have to dance to keep his attention it’s not appealing? And as the girls and I discussed today there is an appropriate length of time that needs to pass before such comments can feel valid but that’s going to change with every relationship. You certainly don’t want a guy swooning for you or starting to plan your honeymoon before he’s even met you. But is said “sweetness” really wooing and we are just so inexperienced at being wooed that our knee jerk reaction is to reject it?
There’s a Sex and the City Episode similar to this where Carrie is first dating Aden and all she can think about is having sex with him but every time they get close to doing it, he backs away. Finally she breaks and asks him what’s wrong and he tells her he doesn’t want to rush things, he likes her enough to take things slow. Of course like a day after that they’re bumping uglies big time. Not quite the same scenario but it still works as a metaphor. And at least now I’ve got some distance from sex so I think I have that better under control. (BTW big props to me because I’m three months celibate now. Wait that actually sorta depresses me at the same time as it makes me feel proud. HA!)
Have we become jaded to romance? We know guys are supposed to pursue us and chase us but maybe we really don’t know what that pursuit feels like if it’s not related to having sex. Are we so conditioned to expecting the worst from guys (because of our own bad choices) that we automatically reject the good ones (or at least the decent ones who don’t go totally stalker and imagine us married before they know our last names)? Hmmmm, just thoughts to ponder on a Thursday afternoon.
Miranda
Well, obviously Jethro wanted you to know that he was thinking about you but have you considered the possibility that he's maybe just a really straightforward guy and just sent you that text because, well, he did hear the song and it did make him think of you? Maybe there's more to the story that you haven't shared but if that's where it ended, I wouldn't read too much into it.
ReplyDeleteI know I'm a very straightforward person but have come to understand that that can be off-putting to many people. Rather than just taking something I say at face value, they want to read something into it that's just not there. But...on the other hand, I can relate to what you said about being jaded, too. I say, give a guy at least two chances to make you go "ewww" before you send him packing.
Adam you're totally on it. I think Jethro (haha) is just that straightforward. And I think there's a connection there that is quite unexpected. I knew there was something there when I stopped myself mid-ew to question how I really felt about it. And coming from him, I'm kinda digging it. Keep your fingers crossed for me.
ReplyDeleteMiranda