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Sunday, December 4, 2011

Dealbreakers


Saturday I agreed to go to lunch with a new guy I met on PoF.  He’s 32 (meow makes me feel a tad cougarish), a welder, 6’5, and never been married.  Going in to the date I knew he had a couple kids and was a big time country boy (and yes Gwyn he owns multiple guns and offered to take me shooting. I declined).  Randomly he told me a girl I went to high school with is his kid’s aunt.  Small world.

We’d been texting for a few days and he seemed like a fun guy.  My hopes were ever so slightly elevated figuring he’d be a fun Mr. Right Now but certainly not a Mr. Right.  So we meet up for lunch and he pulls up in the biggest raised redneck bronco I’ve ever seen.  I liked it!  What can I say, yall know I like the country boys.  He was dressed just fine and he strolled right over and gave me a big hug.  We chatted for a moment and then went in the restaurant where he opened the doors, pulled out my chair, and honestly had great manners. 

We made a little small talk as we ordered and I was feeling more and more relived that he seemed as promising in person as he did via text/internet.  As we started talking more, my hopes were dashed.  Right out the gate, he’s got a messed up grill. Bless his heart I just couldn’t help but stare at his mouth once I got a good look at it.  His parents did him a huge disservice not slapping some braces up in his mouth.  I can deal with non-perfect teeth. I’m not a teeth snob as long as there’s some good basic structure there.  Poor guy two of his bottom teeth are essentially behind the rest of his teeth.  At first I thought he was just missing teeth lol then I realized what was going on. And honestly, from that point on out I was having internal dialogue with myself about if I could deal with this cosmetic issue and what it would feel like if we were kissing and I felt that “space” – AGHHHH! 

As I struggled internally to get over this issue red flags started popping up left and right.  He actually has three kids – by two different baby mamas.  Again I say WTF?? His kids are 10, 6, and 5 months.  The oldest and youngest share a baby mama.  He’s a stand up guy though working his ass off to support all of his kids.  And just a month ago, he moved out from living with one of his baby mama’s because he was tired of her drama and BS.  So he moved in with his BFF and they are having the time of their lives living it up as bachelors.  And the baby mama tries to get back with him every day. 

Between the teeth, the baby mamas, and the recentness of his singlehood, homeboy went down in flames.  It’s a damn shame too because he seemed really nice and sweet albeit a little overboard. During our conversation he both promised to buy me a pair of real cowboy boots, take me four-wheeling, and skiing in March (if we were still talking then). 

Last night I went out with my friend A and I was almost positive he was going to show up. Thankfully he didn’t. Though if he had maybe he could have saved me from the married guy who hit on me and hit on me and hit on me and hit on me nonstop all night.  This guy knew everyone there and had absolutely no shame in his game. He tried everything from telling me his wife was “cool with it” to saying he just want me to ride home with him and he’d take me to my apartment to saying he just wanted to sleep with me by his side all night. I mean really.  And to top it off, he wasn’t even that cute!  So either he subconsciously sensed my recent dalliances with Sawyer, I had a big blinking losers apply here sign over my head, I was so smoking hot I drove even married men to beg for my attention, or he’s just a major douche bag.  (BTW if you’re not yet, follow me on Twitter. I had some hilarious drunken updates last night.)

Upward and onward…

Miranda

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