Friday, December 2, 2011

Performance Anxiety

I saw a new side of Owen today, one that I've never seen because we've never had sex 2 consecutive days in a row. Gavin and I used to fuck for days on end, but Owen's schedule is so limited by kids, wife, and work that it's almost impossible. Additionally, my schedule is also complicated by work, school, practicum, and Chloe. Owen is on medical leave from work right now because of a shoulder injury, so he's got some free time and I managed to score a lot of free time this week as well upon my return from vacation.

It started Tuesday night when we were texting about when we would meet up. I offered up 2 possible days and times and he replied with "Both???".  Of course I said "Yes, please!!" and we were on. Last night though, he started sending me texts about how amazing that morning had been and he didn't know if he could top that today. I brushed it off initially and told him I knew he would rock my world again today. To firm things up, I sent him a picture of me playing with myself which totally sealed the deal.

This morning, he texted me that he was having a hard time not masturbating thinking about seeing me again. I told him not to touch himself at all and to wait until we could meet up. He complied, but again made mention that he wasn't sure he could live up to the day before.

We met and I immediately sat on his lap and started kissing him. He's an amazing kisser and I could almost cum just from that and rubbing on him. I sat on him for what seemed like forever while he kissed me and rubbed my kitty through my pants and finally pulled down my shirt and bra and started sucking my tits. I came and then I couldn't take it anymore and ripped off my clothes and hopped on top of him. I rode him while he held me tightly and kissed me through several orgasms. It was insanely intimate for me, but it felt so damn fantastic!

Once I'd cum a lot, I asked him what he wanted and he told me he wanted to me to suck him. He's not one to normally ask for blow jobs, even though I'm fabulous at this, so I quickly got on my knees for him and complied. When he was close, he told me he wanted to fuck me and I got into doggie since we had rocked that position the day before. Once again, it was a winner and he made me cum all over him! His breathing changed and for a second I panicked that he was cumming in me (I'm back on a damn antibiotic for this weird, totally non STD rash that I've had for months...lol.), but he pulled out and shot a huge load all over my ass. As he marveled over how much he came and how he loved seeing it all over my tight ass, he proceeded to use it as lube to enter said tight ass and pin me down while I came repeatedly.

As we were dressing, he asked if I'd cum a lot. This question always cracks me up because men ask me this often. I am very vocal during sex and it's pretty damn obvious when I'm cumming. Owen is really in tune with my body and he knows every time I cum, but  it became clear he was seeking reassurance of his performance when he told me that he was worried about being able to fuck me like I like it two days in a row. I have never, ever once thought of him having performance anxiety. He's so damn amazing and we have such fantastic chemistry. I assured him I came a lot and referred to one point where I was literally soaking his hand and his cock at the same time.

We parted ways and I went and met the aforementioned therapist that I scheduled myself to see right after the whole Gavin, Owen, Herpes debacle. He and I talked for an hour and a half while he did a screening and assessment and it ended with him telling me how "normal" I am and how since I do not have a DSM diagnosis, he can't see me. He's a clinician and has to have a code to bill under and despite his best efforts could not find a diagnosis to fit me. (I even suggested a few!) I was totally open and honest, but nothing. It was a little weird because I was back asking for help, but it did help reaffirm that I'm ok. He basically said that based on my history, I clearly have the capacity to make good choices in my life. He said that right now I'm choosing relationships that meet my needs for the moment and that when I'm ready to change that, he's confident that I have the skill set to do so. Um, ok.

Owen texted me again tonight to say that he was so tired today and how sore his abs were. I assured him yet again that he did an amazing job of making me cum many, many times. Why do men need so much reassurance? I've been fucking him for almost 3 years. Clearly, I love doing it with him. Why the insecurity?


  1. I still say that therapist is full of shit. Never in my life did I think a therapist would turn away someone who wanted to talk through their problems. I still stay you should try to find "counselor" instead of a therapist. That's what mine was and insurance covered it even though I didn't have a diagnosis.

  2. It's happened twice...I'm starting to believe that maybe I really am fairly "normal"...lmao. Basically the deal is this...I have a socialist insurance system and they don't utilize talk therapy anymore. He said that in the "old days" they would look at me and my family history alone and sift through it for eons combing stuff out, but that's a thing of the past (which is actually a trend across the mental health field in general). Now it's all about skill building and teaching coping skills and such, which he seemed to think I have the cognitive ability to do on my own.