Tuesday, December 27, 2011

Let's Not Spend The Night Together

I have issues...I know this. I'm mostly ok with them, until they rear their ugly heads...haha. Last night, Owen texted me and said he may have a side job on Kauai this week (Wed-Sat) and asked me if he could fly me over for a night of hot hotel sex if the job goes down. I immediately responded "OMG YES!!" b/c one of my issues is that I'm incredibly impulsive. We texted back and forth about it and the only day that I could do it would have been Wednesday b/c of Russell's work schedule. He said that would be awesome and we agreed I'd fly over that evening right after work and come home first thing Thursday morning so I could watch Chloe since school is out and so he could go to work.

Then, I woke up this morning to a "Call me" text from Russell. It seems he had to demote one of his managers and ended up having to open and close his store today and was telling me about all the other schedule changes that will happen this week, including closing Wednesday night now. I hadn't even had a chance to bring up the possible trip. It was totally a sign from the universe.

I can fuck someone forever and never fall in love with them, but I have HUGE commitment issues as we've established. For me, sex is pure recreational fun. Sleeping with someone is a whole other ballgame though. I've been with Owen sexually for almost 3 blissful years. I love fucking him. The sex is the best ever and I like him, but he's married with 2 kids so I've never allowed myself to develop any feelings for him beyond this or even think about taking our relationship past just pure sex. Spending the night with him in a hotel room in Kauai would have been a very, very dangerous territory for me to have entered. I find sleeping with someone a very intimate experience and I attach feelings to this act. I think when Gavin started sleeping over is when I started having feelings for him. I also remember the first time I ever slept at Clark's house. Russell and I were still in the open marriage phase of our relationship where we were not intending to get divorced. I called him the next morning sobbing that I felt like I'd cheated on him b/c I spent the night there. He didn't get it all.

I imagine that these are all my own special issues as I assume that most of the world is quite ok sleeping with someone they are having sex with, but unless we're in some semblance of an actual relationship...let's not. I'm thankful that I have Russell's schedule to fall back on as as excuse if in fact Owen does go to Kauai this week, because I'm pretty sure he would think I'm a big freak if I tried to explain to him why I can't spend the night with him.

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