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Wednesday, May 25, 2011

Stalker Status Activated

I have got to share a funny story with you all that Miranda and I have been dying over for the past two days.

So I’ve told you all about Chinless Wonder, the system administrator at my workplace who has an annoyingly intense crush on me. In the past 2 weeks he’s probably asked me out no less than 10 times (lunch, dinner, rollerblading, drinks, etc.) and I’ve said no every single time.

Funny sidenote: last week I was literally drowning in work and working 12-15 hour days without taking lunch breaks or really even leaving my desk. On Wednesday, Chinless Wonder started instant messaging me at work (we have an internal message system, I did NOT give him my Yahoo chat name!) asking me if I wanted to get dinner and/or drinks when I finished up. After declining his offer multiple times (every time I said no he would change up the offer a little to try and get me to say yes) I finally typed, “Listen, if you want to know what I could really use right now it’s a Newport and a Coke.” This is after he had offered to go get me dinner and bring it to me at my office. To my utter shock, he said he’d be happy to buy me a whole pack of smokes and asked if I preferred a fountain Coke or one in a bottle – fountain Coke duh!!! He again offered to buy me an actual meal but I declined – I’m ok letting a guy spend $6 on me without feeling obligated to do something for him, but an entire dinner would make me feel guilty. See, I do have a heart. So about 20 minutes later he shows up at my office with a pack of Newports, a huge fountain Coke and a pack of matches. I sat outside and smoked a couple while he ate his taco bell and I bitched about work. Then I went back inside and chained myself back to my desk. Now, why was this scenario so hilarious to me? Well, Chinless Wonder has a ‘list’ describing his perfect mate. This list describes Gwyn almost to a tee except for one small factor – his list says smoking is a dealbreaker. Hahahahahahaha I just can’t stop laughing over this.

So, back to my post. I begrudgingly accepted Chinless Wonder's friend request on FB awhile back. The other day I noticed he had changed his profile pic when one of his status updates showed up on my home screen. As soon as I saw the pic I had a terrifying flashback….Chinless Wonder used to stalk me on POF last summer!!!! He used the same profile pic on POF as he was now using on FB!! The experience was so memorable (aka traumatic) that as soon as I saw the picture it all came flooding back to me. He used to message me incessantly and was super duper persistent. I can’t remember exactly how much I communicated with him but I know I was polite and returned at least a few of his messages – his messages were like 3 pages long and asked me a million questions. I remember feeling sort of bad for him and not wanting to hurt his feelings. Good move Gwyn, good move.

Once I came to this disturbing conclusion I asked Miranda to find him on POF and make sure I was correct. Being the master investigator that she is, she found him in two seconds flat and confirmed my suspicions. And the cherry on top – he’s a fucking VIRGO!!!!!

I’m never going to tell him that I know the above information. Although I suspect he knows as well I feel like it’s better to just pretend it never happened. Now I’m left to wonder if in any of my messages I talked about my work and he somehow figured out where I work and found a way to get a job here too……I’m trying to convince myself that no one is that crazy but this is a man who dressed as a vagina for Halloween.

-Gwyn

PS - I've got a new POF boy from my Hawaii profile and so far he's been lovely. He's in Iraq and going back to Hawaii the same time as I'm moving there....he's a Gemini (great for Libra) and has two Master's Degrees. He's sort of a nerdy bad boy and so far Gwyn likey.

3 comments:

  1. Gwyn, how can you not be in love with a man that dressed as a vagina?! Please god tell me that he did NOT come to work dressed like this (or maybe that's why he has a new job now!).
    -Jules

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  2. I can't wait until you get here and we can show you his FB and POF profiles...you're going to die. The only things keeping me from crushing his heart into tiny pieces are the unreliable internet signal in our new office building and the fact that my computer needs tending to pretty much every week!

    -Gwyn

    PS - I can't believe you've never seen Old School, put it on Netflix immediately

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  3. LOL, yes you have to be nice to the IT guys at all costs, damn it. I'll watch Old School this summer (well, I'll commit to the 1st 30 minutes...if it captures me, I'll finish).
    -Jules

    ReplyDelete